Witches Pardoned

Scotland is pardoning witches a few hundred years too late.

Salem gets a lot of press but nowhere in what is now the U.S. (even the Southwest which was under the jurisdiction of the Inquisition) were witch hunts as brutal, long, and plentiful as they were in contemporary Europe. Some towns in Scotland would engage in extensive, murderous witch trials while towns a few miles away would ignore the whole issue.

On the other hand, European witch hunts were far more rational and scientific (for their time) than the Satanic daycare panics of the 1980s. Not to mention the West Memphis Three.

Wal-Mart Bans Carlin

I just bought his latest book (which isn't perfect by a stretch) but how could you justify banning it while keeping the Left Behind idiocy?

Killer in the White House

No, it's not what you think.

Groo the Movie

If you're one of the nine or ten other dorks in the world who read Groo comics, this might interest you. Everyone else will slowly shake their heads.

Kerry Loves Satan

Well, maybe not. Covington found this picture a while back but apparently it's fake.

Engineered Cats

I don't see anything wrong with this but I wonder how far it will go. How many years until you can buy a three-headed Cerebus at Pet World?

NASA under Kerry

Hubble is no longer shaking.

Americans are Big and Fat

Five foot nine? Are they including third-graders?

More Evil than Doc Ock

Guess who was voted the film villain of the year?

Dog and Orca

Hoax Museum says this is real. It might be the name "killer whale" that creates a bias. If this were a picture of a bottle-nosed dolphin and dog, I wouldn't doubt it for a second.

Secondary issue: I'm not trying to be insensitive to Indians but if a Christian group claimed a whale was the reincarnated spirit of one of their leaders, I'd argue for calling in Janet Reno and the ATF. It's no stupider than claiming the Earth is only a few thousand years old but it's a shame that a whale's welfare is even partially affected by religious beliefs.

Horror Movie Quiz

Via Pharyngula (who also got a 92%), 13 questions about horror movies. He missed the Friday the 13 question. I missed the one about Roger Corman.

Hey! I Know That Guy!

I just mentioned Zombie Cult Massacre a few posts ago. Jim Van Bebber, the guy who did the zombie effects, just had a movie reviewed by Roger Ebert with an 82% rating from Rotten Tomato. This was one of the movies I'd heard about that somebody sunk a boatload of time and money into but was never expected to finish. That's no guarantee that it's any good but just getting to this point was an achievement.

Sex and Beer Prevail over Religion

A heart-warming story from overseas.

Stern vs. Powell

I'm not a fan of Stern but I'm behind him with this. I've got three kids under 12 and somehow I can find ways of not exposing them to radio or television broadcast I think is inappropriate thanks to the wonderful invention of the channel changer. If it were really difficult to find material for children, I could see Powell's point, but parents have the power to pick and choose whatever they feel best.

Hey, That's Not a Light Saber

I went looking for a science fiction page (www.revolutionsf.com) but instead typed in www.sfrevolution.com. Quite different results.

Shooting Blanks

On the set of Zombie Cult Massacre, I saw a guy who had been shot by a 12-gauge shotgun blank. Do not shoot yourself with a blank. Do not shoot other people with blanks (unless you'd like to hurt them). Cecil Adams explains this here but leaves out the shotgun angle. Not that either option would be nice, but I'd rather be shot by a .44 magnum than a 12-gauge (at least at close range).

In high school, I knew an idiot who liked to shoot people in the chest with blanks from a .22. Even wearing a thick shirt and from across a wide room, it was like being snapped by a wet towel against bare skin.

Work in Bed

This sounds like a setup for Eddie Murphy's old SNL skit but it's a plea for European women to help the "space race" (I haven't heard that term in a while).

Considering that weight is a major factor in the cost of space flight, women (and dwarfs) would help NASA's budget. When the shuttles first when up, the external fuel tanks were painted white. Soon they were left untouched because the weight of the paint was too costly to justify. Primarily female crews go against SF tradition (unless they're all half-naked blonde bimbos) but would save considerable money.

EU's Anti-Smoking Measures

If this isn't a joke, the EU is planning to include graphic pictures on cigarette packages. I'd think kids might buy them for the grossness factor.

Selling Wife on Installment Plan

This is presented as true but sounds too much like something from Snopes. But if I could just get my wife on the operating table.

Number of People Who Ever Lived

I bring this up for the fact that so many people are under the belief that "more people are living today than ever died" and that creationists came up with the same result as legitimate scientists.

Whales Denied Right to Sue

This article makes the concept seem only possible with the "most liberal" Ninth Circuit court. Actually the same decision was handed out over a decade ago. . . in Massachusetts (which isn't exactly a hotbed of conservatism but certainly is outside of the Ninth Circuit's jurisdiction).

Gotti's Plan B

When hitmen fail.

Are You Criminally Insane?

If you'd like to enter an asylum for the criminally insane, click here. Essentially, the page gives you a new e-mail account and let's you register in the asylum with accessible patient's records. Would be fun thing to pop up if people google your name.

Library List

I haven't done this for a while but just to let you know where all the Maisy books from the library are ending up:

Kids' Books
What are you doing, Maisy? Cousins, Lucy.
Where are you going, Maisy?, Cousins, Lucy
What are you doing, Maisy?, Cousins, Lucy (Yes, we have two copies checked out)
Count with Maisy , Cousins, Lucy.
Maisy's fire engine, Cousins, Lucy.
Maisy drives , Cousins, Lucy.
My many colored days , Seuss, Dr.
The toy brother, Steig, William
Caleb & Kate, Steig, William
Little cloud , Carle, Eric.
The big book of beautiful babies : board book , Ellwand, David.
Mouse paint,Walsh, Ellen Stoll
Bumposaurus , McKinlay, Penny.
Shapes for lunch! , Reasoner, Charles.

Kids' Videos
Sing and dance with Barney [videorecording]
Dragon tales. Believe in yourself! [videorecording]
The Wiggles. Cold spaghetti western [videorecording]
Barney. Movin' and groovin' [videorecording]
Pokémon Johto League champions. Tea'd off [videorecording]
Scooby-Doo and the Loch Ness monster [videorecording] (Not a masterpiece but a much needed break from that bastard Barney)
A splash party, please [videorecording]
Scooby-Doo meets the Harlem Globetrotters [videorecording] (I wouldn't call this racist but I can't see anything like this made today)


Tapes/CDs
From a Buick 8 [sound recording] , King, Stephen
Old time radio. Mysteries [sound recording]
Did I ever tell you how lucky you are? [sound recording], Seuss, Dr. (My son destroyed destroyed the tape so it looks like I'm buying the book)
Songs from The book of Pooh [sound recording]
Dragon tunes [sound recording] : [from Dragon Tales]


My Books
The Faber book of ballads
Mythology : a visual encyclopedia , Forty, Jo. (Accessible book of world myths, not simply Greek, Roman, or Norse)
The mammoth book of maneaters , MacCormick (I picked this up as a whim. Gory but entertaining)
Hulk/Wolverine : six hours , Jones, Bruce
How to hold a crocodile
Y : the last man , Vaughan, Brian K.
Neil Gaiman's murder mysteries (I'd read the short story but, as a graphic novel, it's even more striking.)
The forms of poetry; a pocket dictionary of verse , Untermeyer, Louis

Shark Update

It looks like the great white in captivity has more than doubled the record (unless it died recently and nobody updated the web page).

Roald Dahl

If you're a fan of The Twits or any of his other books, this might be a fun site. (Don't panic--you can turn off the animation when they start to drive you crazy.)

Back in the 1980s, Dahl wrote a book about a man who saved the life of a king and was given the right to have sex with any woman in the kingdom. As incredibly un-PC as that is, I'd love to find a copy.

I'd nominate The Twits as his best (or most satisfying) book. According to a number of pages, Matilda was voted his most popular--not a bad book by any stretch but nowhere as funny and disgusting as The Twits.

Girly Man

Arnie shot off his mouth and now can't get it on.

UN Urged to Ignore Bush

Birds coming home to roost.

Fate of the Nation

Ohio may decide who becomes the next president. Be very afraid.

Planets Take Longer to Form Than Previously Thought

Maybe this isn't the most impressive story in the world but it's another blow to the belief that God created the rest of the universe in a couple hours but needed the rest of the week for our humble rock.

U.S. Policy Downunder

An Australian political party has decided to model itself after the Bush administration with horrible results.

Another Terrorist Movie

You probably haven't heard of this (I hadn't). It's surprising that everyone makes a big deal over the puppets but lets this go under radar.

Good analogy of the War on Terror to a Three Stooges's maneuver.

Horror Movies

Article on overlooked horror movies found on Ebert's website, praising The Tenant, a movie that Ebert hated. Roger might not have liked it but I know of a local writer who needed therapy after watching it.

Ebert on Team America

A few days ago, Sean Penn spoke out against it. Ebert's review is along the same lines.

I wasn't offended by the movie's content so much as by its nihilism. At a time when the world is in crisis and the country faces an important election, the response of Parker, Stone and company is to sneer at both sides -- indeed, at anyone who takes the current world situation seriously. They may be right that some of us are puppets, but they're wrong that all of us are fools, and dead wrong that it doesn't matter.

Reviews from Aintitcool.com

Take That, Derwin!

Pharygula directs us to the Wall of Shame (Nine pages in all):

HOTTESTDIGGEDYDOGEVER : I should probably tell you that darwin is not the founder of evolution, satan was, he told eve at the garden that if she eat of the forbidden fruit that she would be as God, that’s where evo came from

BORN2Xs : two differe nt species could reproduce if they REALLY wanted to

boys_got_matches : i denie the evoltionist stand on contenental drift just like all geologists do

Grecham : incidently if i end up on your wall of shame - i’ll sue

EdibleEntity: my claims are valid and easy to understand once you free yourself from your prision of LOGIC

SoaringEagle® : evolution falls on its face when one considers the time factor..species just simply don’t have millions of years to evolve survival skills they would be wiped out before then. The quicker the evolution the better as in minutes not years.

Squack1 : How do darwinists explain the caribean explosion?

Trumpet57: If Noah didn’t cause the seashells to be mountins then how do u think the fishes got up there by walking on the fins or flying or what? And I’m not ignorent I just want to show if you can’t answer.

DarwinismInDecay: Cario, if the ape and man had a common ancestor, that makes the ape a COMMON ancestor by default

GarrettOmega : Perhaps the ark was larger on the inside than on the outise

Giant Flying Squid Invade America

Well, sort of. Alaskan waters at least.

Pop-Up Ads

More than you ever wanted to know about pop-up ads.

Back to Work

Looks like the strike is off. . .for a while.

My Hero

"We waited for it to stop but it never did."

Some days, this would be my sweetest fantasy.

Freaky Cats

Thank the Hoax Museum for pictures of these conjoined kittens.

X-Ray Sunglasses

Remember when you were 14 and wished you had magical glasses that allowed you to see through clothing? They're all the rage in Iraq.

Wisdom from WAIF

I listened to WAIF (88.3 FM Cincinnati) today and an idiot called during a talk show and attempted to prove that the War with Iraq was a good thing.

"We've been there over a year and only 1,000 people have died. At that rate it would take another two years before it equaled the World Trade Center."

Even assuming Iraq had anything to do with September 11, would such a stat prove the war was good? At his present rate, it would take O.J. 170 years to equal Ted Bundy. Does that make him man of the year?

Time Off

If you've been following the news, Kroger workers are set to strike unless the union and management come up with a miracle. Kroger stock is down and I can understand pressure to cut costs but the proposed cutbacks essentially eliminate any real reason to work there. Many employees only got jobs at Kroger to pay for their medication (not out of wages, which would be impossible) through the health benefits. I know a 67-year old retired banker who works in the deli so that her dying husband can receive medical attention. She's not in the least bit worried about wages. Naturally, management posted this on their web page (click on news and updates).

I hope this is resolved quickly but most of the workers I've talked to seem to think it could last a while.

Odd Couple Book Review

I picked up Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival: America's Quest for Global Dominance the other day. It's surprisingly accessible--Noam's going for a wider audience than with his linguistic works. Here's a memorable passage:

The target of preventive war must have several characteristics:

1. It must be virtually defenseless.
2. It must be important enough to be worth the trouble.
3. There must be a way to portray it as the ultimate evil and an imminent threat to our survival.

Arguably you could say this about any civilization of any era but it gives you an idea of where the War on Terror might strike next. Iran and North Korea could nuke us so they're out on the first point. Syria and Sudan haven't got enough oil--out on the second. Possibly Congo and Uganda's mineral rights and "obvious terrorist ties" might be on the list.

Chomsky looks back to the Taft and Wilson administrations but obviously spends a good chunk of the book on the last few years. Noting that W has a bust of Winston Churchill on his desk, he relates the following quote from Churchill:

"The power of the executive to cast a man in prison without formulating any charge known to the law, and particularly to deny him the judgment of his peers, is in the highest degree odious, and the foundation of all totalitarian government whether Nazi or Communist." (Note: no clause excluding the Patriot Act.)

One of the concepts that I didn't buy and have never accepted in Chomsky's writings is that America acts as a single unit with clear boundaries. I can believe in unserving loyalty to global corporations but I doubt if Cheney is thinking so much "America" as "Halliburton." For all the flag-waving, I can see plenty of upcoming alliances with the bin Laden family (who of course have nothing to do with their black sheep relative) by American businesses for personal, not national, interests.

What's the logical companion for Noam Chomsky? Batman, of course. Actually Batman in a supporting role. Dan Slott's Arkham Asylum: Living Hell is largely superhero-free, but tries to imagine what it would be like caging a boatload of deranged supervillains. The story is told from the point of view of one of the guards, the chief administration, the asylum psychiatrist, and a recently admitted patient.

The patient, Warren White, was the CEO of White World Net and once enjoyed phone conversations such as "Dick, Dick, Dick, don't get your pacemaker in a bunch. Trust me, years from now people'll think "Halliburton" is the guy who made Edward Scissorhands." After White beats "the greatest act of stock fraud in American history" by pleading insanity, the outraged judge gleefully sends him to Arham to bunk with the Joker, Killer Croc, Two-Face, and the rest of the Batfoes.

Sadly for Mr. White, Dr. Jeremiah Arham, the Chief of Staff, lost his life's savings in the scam and allows the lunatics to carve him to pieces. A somewhat sympathetic asylum doctor eventually advises him to "make a super villain team-up...Be Joker's 'Straight Man.' The Ventriloquist's 'Hand Puppet.' Scarecrow's 'Straw Stuffer.' Eventually White is reduced to Two-Face's "Coinboy" but not before dropping the soap in the facility's shower next to the Joker. In a decency-preserving moment, the Clown Prince of Crime merely hands him back the soap and says with disgust, "You know, I think you're the worst person I've ever met."

It gets more gruesome, almost to the point that you wouldn't wish it upon Kenny Boy. Superhero comics are often rightfully dismissed but this one manages to present the world of Batman in an original light.

I have no idea what Noam would think about it.

Oops

Right after I post about Snope's objectivity, this shows up.

It's a joke--you can turn it around on Kerry if you want.

Sean Penn vs. South Park

Apparently the boys behind South Park have got Sean hot.

Whatever happened to That's My Bush? Deemed a risk to national security?

Free Republic Attacks Snopes

The brain trust at Free Republic claim that Snopes.com is left-wing and untrustworthy. (Granted this is somewhat old but a student just brought it to my attention.

Here's an example of the left-wing bias, and here, and here, and here and here and most of the stuff here.

This is one of the clearest examples of what Covington refers to as the Republican war on reality (although it's not fair to use freepers to represent all of the GOP). Their article is correct in that no one should accept Snopes as gospel but that's made abundantly clear here. Then again, what would you expect from a mindset that would post the following:

I have investigated Snopes for a couple of things that my brain will not allow me to remember tonight (sorry) and my conclusion is that they are full of s**t. They are untrustworthy and not just for political stuff. They have an agenda. Someone who will dissemble at all is untrustworthy all the time. Plus they are arrogant, and liberalism is a mental illness.

Crocodile Attack

I guess we could make this a nationalistic issue. American alligators rarely act as violently or as unpredictably as salt-water crocodiles. Must be the Patriot Act at work.

Redskins vs. Packers

If you believe in this nonsense, the Green Bay Packers or Washington Redskins will determine the leader of the Free World. I hope this gets a lot of hype--I'd love to see right-wing Packer fans and left-wind Redskins fans in agony.

I'm Resisting a Bad Pun on Deconstruction

Derrida just died. I won't lie and say that I loved his work but he was extremely influential and seemed to be a decent individual.

Ebert on Dangerfield

Despite the hideous image this brings up, take the time to read Ebert's thoughts.

Nude Bush

I'm in for Google hits now but the real meaning is that a painting of a naked W is no longer deemed suitable for display.

Science Fiction Guide

I stumbled upon this looking for "Consider her Ways." Visually it isn't very appealing but the content looks worthwhile.

New Pesticide (Or End of Man)

Has anyone read "Consider her Ways" by John Wyndham? (I found a copy on the web which I hope is authorized.)

Something about this news article made me think of it.

Gullibility Test

This is a little goofy but the Hoax Museum pointed me to a couple of gullibility tests. I scored almost 100% not gullible but they don't tell you the correct answers at the end (I've got the feeling everyone comes off "almost 100%).

Hey Nathan!

I figure the appeal of this blog is limited enough that I can address individuals by name. Case in point:

Nathan, I forgot to mail the RSVP yesterday. It's affirmative. Congratulations. (I can't find your e-mail or I'd be less public about it.)

Down Time

I was ready to blame Blogger for not letting me post yesterday but apparently it was the NKU's server's fault. They hit me from every angle.

Pope Thinks about Limbo

As silly as this comes across, according to the Bible, you can't get into heaven if you have unrepented sins or if you haven't been baptized. In other words, under fundamentalist mentality, if a baptized serial killer, who later goes to confession, murders an unbaptized victim, the killer goes up, the victim down.

In one of the rare sensible acts in the history of organized religion, the Church dared to think, "Well, that doesn't make any sense."

Purgatory makes sense (although Hell really doesn't) and has Biblical foundation (in the Catholic version; Luther took out the books with references to it).

Nothing in the Bible even hints towards Limbo but the idea of a completely sinless person being condemned to Hell (even if he died on the way to the church) is a little too much for anyone slightly more rational than a Southern Baptist. Eternal punishment for a blameless soul goes beyond "God working in mysterious ways"; that's the work of a complete prick.

Dante's First Circle of Hell was filled with virtuous pagans who were given eternal peace and intellectual fulfillment. Dante commented that he thought that many of them assumed they were in Paradise. That stretches the concept of damnation but it makes far more sense than torturing someone for living in the wrong place in the wrong time.

Ultimately, it's not Limbo or Purgatory that I think is such an outlandish belief but Hell. The Pope did say in Crossing the Threshhold of Truth that while the Church believes in the existence of Hell, there is no way of knowing if anyone, even Judas, has or ever will be sent there. As far-fetched as that may be, I think it's the closest position to reasonable as you'll ever make the concept of Hell.

Hoax Picture Tests

If you've visited the Hoax Museum, I hope you had a chance to take the tests (for the first of which, click here).

Here's a new one, if this stuff appeals to anyone else.

Exploding Whale

Apparently this really happened. Check out the outraged letters.

Rodney Died

Yes, I let the death of Russ Meyers slip by without notice but in case you haven't heard...

Starving for Nader

I doubt if anything will come of this but one protestor is on a hunger strike until Ralph drops out.

Sweden Proposes a Man Tax

This would get a lot of attention in the U.S.

One problem with this is that women receive far more in social security than men. A supervillian team-up between Tony Soprano and Lex Luthor couldn't be as costly. (Until recently the average life expectancy of black men in America was less than 65. White and "other" men tend to live long enough to collect something but it's significantly less than what white women collect.)

I can't even imagine the reaction to a true "Left Party" in the U.S. Would the GOP learn to love Democrats or just smear them both?


UPDATE: Would this guy have to pay?

Microwave Weapons

Covington just posted an article about the military's research into anti-matter weapons. I feel more comfortable with these (far less likely to accidentally blow up the solar system).

Chevy Chase

Whenever I heard the words "Chevy Chase" used to refer to a location rather than the failed talk show host, I had a vague sense of "somewhere in New England" but suspected there was much more to it than that. Straight Dope edifies.

Zoroasterian's Knife to the Christian's Throat

Last March, the Diversity Council of the comany where my wife works sent the following e-mail. Note that a few passages are sloppily worded (and they can't seem to be able to spell Nauroze/Naruoze the same way twice) but does anything about this merit an emotional reaction?

In their ongoing effort to share information on different cultures and backgrounds, the Anthem West Diversity Council is providing this information about the Persian New Year, Naruoze or No Ruz.

Nauroze and the Vernal Equinox
The celebration of Nauroze (pronounced nor rose) welcomes the beginning of Spring in the new year on March 20, at the time of the Vernal Equinox. It is celebrated by Persians, Parsis, Zoroastrians and Bahá'ís, and in fact, the Zoroastrians have celebrated it for over 3,000 years.

No Ruz, new day or New Year, as the Iranians call it, is a celebration of the Vernal Equinox. It has been celebrated by all the major cultures of ancient Mesopotamia for thousands of years - the Sumerians since 3000 BC; Babylonians - 2000 BC; the ancient kingdom of Elam in Southern Persia - 2000 BC, and the Akaddians. Today's No Ruz celebration has unique Iranian characteristics and is deeply rooted in the traditions of the Zoroastrian belief system.

Zoroastrian - The Ancient Religion of Persia
Zoroastrian was the religion of ancient Persia before the advent of Islam 1,400 years ago. The familiar concepts of heaven, hell, resurrection, the coming of the messiah, and individual and last judgment were part of this belief system from ancient times. These beliefs are part of the Judo-Christian and Islamic religions. In order to understand No Ruz we have to know about Zoroastrians' cosmology.

Were you deeply offended? Read on for a co-worker's response. I'll include comments after this untouched copy of his text.

Good afternoon. I didn't realize that Islam and Christianity had so much in common! Not to mention the authoritative view held by this obvious religious zealot (I mean iconoclast, I mean. . . .) Geez, I guess there is really very little difference between all the world's religions and Christianity is just one of many choices. Fortunately, this was in the Anthem OnLine News from our Diversity Council. Definite authority on all of this stuff. Puke.
Before I though that it was only Judaism and Christianity that held any common beliefs, now I know its also included with the Zoroastrian's from ancient Persia. Puke. An ancient country obliterated centuries ago. Does anyone know where Persia was, and if so would it be bad to associate that with the current day Iranians due to the situation there? Let's make sure we understand that Christianity needs to be put in its place in the world's religions. Puke.
Should I expect the same treatment of Christian theology and its celebration of Ascension and forgiveness this Easter? I expect not. Don't you just love this diversity crap? I mean "stuff"?
Let's see if the Supreme Court becomes the supreme court after it rules on the One Nation under God phrase that so offends the lone atheist from California that is manipulating his own daughter, who doesn't have any objections to it at all, to remove it for the other 200 million people. Actually, maybe it is good that the S.C. hears it so that the dissent (which there will be one) from the bench (notice it's not "DECENT") will single out those judges who harbour the legislation from the bench idea. This will put it out of the reach of the godless forever. Pray that they have the courage to stand firm.
Once again, if it is unclear as to which way my opinion is leaning, please let me know and I'll clarify
Markkeitel
P.S. Please note that there is no prohibition to copying or forwarding on this document.

Response with my comments:

Good afternoon. I didn't realize that Islam and Christianity had so much in common! [This is apparently intended as sarcasm. Not only did he not realize that Islam and Christianity are essentially different versions of the same invisible man in the sky, but, other than a casual reference, the original e-mail has nothing to do with Islam.] Not to mention the authoritative view held by this obvious religious zealot (I mean iconoclast, I mean. . . .) [One part unintentional irony, two parts self-delusion, and a dash of hypocrisy. Zealot? The writer of the original e-mail puts all the energy in his writing as a third-grader cranking out a book report during the season's finale of Spongebob Squarepants.] Geez, I guess there is really very little difference between all the world's religions and Christianity is just one of many choices [Another sad, sad attempt at sarcasm. You see, irony only works in these situations when your statement isn't literally true.]. Fortunately, this was in the Anthem OnLine News from our Diversity Council. Definite authority on all of this stuff. Puke. [Obviously, I'm not adverse to ad hominen attacks but "puke"? How about a little effort?]
Before I though that it was only Judaism and Christianity that held any common beliefs [He wasn't kidding earlier. He really didn't know that Islam is Christianity without the Holy Spirit, pork rinds, and beer], now I know its also included with the Zoroastrian's [watch the apostrophe]from ancient Persia [Zoroaster was born to a virgin, his birth was witnessed by shepherds and angels, he performed miracles, resisted the temptation of great demons, died, descended to the underworld, but rose again three days later to ascend to heaven. Can you name that tune?]. Puke. [Again with the "puke." Somewhere Oscar Wilde is weeping. ] An ancient country obliterated centuries ago. Does anyone know where Persia was, and if so would it be bad to associate that with the current day Iranians due to the situation there [What mangled point is he trying to make? Was Persia "obliterated centuries ago" or is it the modern-day Iran? If he's trying to say that the original e-mail hid the connection between Iran and Persia, he must have missed the two direct mentions of Iranians. Normally when writers blatantly contradict themselves they try to buffer it with a sentence or two. And do we talk about the "Italian" Catholic Church or does the reference to the occasional "ancient country" crop up in Christianity as well?]? Let's make sure we understand that Christianity needs to be put in its place in the world's religions [Can anyone tell me where he found a threat to Christianity on the original e-mail? Does he seriously believe a good Episcopalian would read it and run off to convert to Zoroasterism?]. Puke. [He's not even trying anymore, is he?]
Should I expect the same treatment of Christian theology and its celebration of Ascension [Did he miss the point about "different cultures and backgrounds"? Does he seriously think Christian holidays can pass without comment in the United States? Has he ever had the day off for a Jewish, Hindu, or Muslim holiday? In fairness to him, depending on the calendar, Zoroaster's birth can be observed on December 25, but I don't see Shoe Carnival decking the aisles in celebrate anything by Christian holidays] and forgiveness [Now that's irony!] this Easter? I expect not. Don't you just love this diversity crap? I mean "stuff"? [At this point, why not use "puke" again? Reader expectation has dropped to below Dorothy Parker levels.]
Let's see if the Supreme Court becomes the supreme court after it rules on the One Nation under God phrase [Does this have anything to do with Zoroastrism or did his medication just run out?] that so offends the lone atheist from California [It's funny—when he tries to be sarcastic, he misses but when he's serious, he just drips irony. No, you'll never find an atheist in a San Francisco bathhouse, a Hollywood studio, or anywhere in Berkeley.] that is manipulating his own daughter, who doesn't have any objections to it at all, to remove it for the other 200 million people [First Amendment? Puke.]. Actually, maybe it is good that the S.C. hears it so that the dissent (which there will be one) from the bench (notice it's not "DECENT") [Yes, I've noticed that different words often have different spellings and meanings.] will single out those judges who harbour ["Harbour." Notice it's not "Harbor."] the legislation from the bench idea [Take a moment to translate that sentence to English. Seems we've strayed a bit from old Zoroaster]. This will put it out of the reach of the godless forever [Now, is anyone so naive as to actually believe that a Supreme Court ruling is as permanent and immutable as a Papal decree? If so, why are conservatives trying to overturn Roe v. Wade?]. Pray that they have the courage to stand firm. [And while they're at it, they could authorize the deportation of "the godless." After all, there's only one in all of California.]
Once again, if it is unclear as to which way my opinion is leaning, please let me know and I'll clarify. [No, the bias of your opinion is clear. It's your point that needs work.]
Markkeitel
P.S. Please note that there is no prohibition to copying or forwarding on this document. [Thanks.]

More Blogger Issues

If you missed that Snopes/Kerry post yesterday, it's because didn't actually appear on screen until a few minutes ago. Then it posted nine times with two other drafts saved to file.

Unless I actually drop money into this blog, I guess I can't complain.

Pathetic Lie of the Day

Did you catch the latest smear against Kerry?

The GOP has resorted to class warfare against the rich.

She Did It!

The little Great White is still alive, setting records every second.

IgNobel Awards

I'm a couple days late on this but the IgNobel prizes are in.

Some of them seem unfair. Determining the truth behind the "Five Second Rule" and establishing a link between country music and suicide seem like worthy endeavors to me.

Marry Your Cousin

Holy crap! Everything I thought I knew about cousin-love is wrong. It's not that Kentucky is unusual--it's the rest of the U.S. that's out of touch.

Prohibitions against gay marriage seem even more silly.

Fact-Based Legend

Snopes confirms a new urban legend is legit (which of course means it has nothing to do with John Kerry).

I've known intelligent women to smoke while they were pregnant, two of which were condescending know-it-alls. I can understand it's tough to quit (especially in a stressful time) but I have a hard time taking somebody's political views seriously when she's eight-months pregnant and puffing away.

NKU vs. Clermont

I teach three classes at NKU this semester and two at Clermont.

Which one should I root on? (Okay, realistically, it will pass me by like everything else, but theoretically, which one?)