For Her Own Good

More from fun at high school:

An Anderson County teenager has filed a lawsuit over her temporary dismissal from a weightlifting class by a principal who feared male students might try to rape her.

"It was a hard call."

Would they do this to a cute boy if he insisted on wearing biker shorts to Home Ec?

Tom Hanks Falls to Death

Well, this would have brightened at least one person's day.

Dogs and Cats Living in Sin

Cog? Dat? Catdog? Big Joke?

It seems to me than anyone with access to newborn puppies could have taken a picture like this. And doesn't the cat look like it's on acid?

Stan Chick/Jack Lee

You know those moronic religious comic books that jackasses leave under the windshield wiper of your car? Imagine if the king of comics lent a hand:

What If Stan Lee wrote Jack Chick Comics?

Five-Year-Old with Knife

When they say zero-tolerance, they mean it. I thought my step-daughter's school was nuts for going after her for not tattling but this district is handing a kindergartener his head.

I'd hate to own stock in Swiss Army knives.

Snitching is Mandatory

The powers who be in Nagel Middle School gave my step-daughter a detention last week.

For some unknown reason, another girl in her homeroom gave her [the other girl] boyfriend a knife for his birthday. Being a swift thinker, she decided to give it to him at school. Before classes started so he'd have extra time to be stupid.

Showing he was her intellectual equal, he began flashing the knife to everyone he met, including my step-daughter. Not one of the kids described Birthday Boy as aggressive or threatening--he was just mighty proud of his knife.

It looks like he and his girl are on the road to home-schooling. My step-daughter was hauled off to the office for not immediately turning him in. Back in my day, when we rode to school courtesy of Fred's two feet, most guys carried some sort of pocket knife to school. Before the era of plastic pop bottles, soft drinks were sold in glass containers which required a bottle opener--you may have seen one of these in a museum. Everybody carried a knife with a built-in opener. It's a wonder we weren't all killed on a daily basis. With schools' zero-tolerance policies today, I'd imagine a glass bottle could be viewed as a potential weapon.

Back in my day, we had to use our imagination a little to see all school employees as morons. Now adults feel obliged to prove it to them.

I Live Near Most of Them

"Nearly half the U.S. population believes the earth is less than 10,000 years old? Say it ain't so!"

How does the U.S. compare with other countries in terms of belief in evolution? Not so hot. A study of attitudes in 34 countries published in Science in 2006 shows that the United States ranks last in popular acceptance of evolution except for Turkey. Almost 40 percent of Americans in this study flatly rejected evolution, whereas the comparable numbers in European countries and Japan ranged from 7 to 15 percent. That may partly reflect U.S. high school kids' dismal math and science scores relative to other developed countries, which to my mind underscores a home truth: the more you know, the less you take on faith.

Socially Acceptable Jerk?

Two possibly related bits of news: Frat vs. Borat and jerk tricks women into stripping.

I don't feel sorry for the dopes Borat tricked but apparently alcohol was involved. Does that excuse them? I'd say no. Most people feel that Borat just exposed their stupidity and give him a pass.

I've read of cases of con men who trick women in to taking their clothes off in public (one did it over the phone and actually convinced fast food managers to undress female customers). How do women fall for this? There's a subclass of criminals who go door to door, claiming to be doctors or tailors, offering free breast exams or measurements. (Although this might seem so stupid it's funny, it's how the Boston Strangler got started.)

"We don't know what his potential gain is, if it's sexual gratification or he's trying to be funny, but it's a serious crime," [Police Sgt. John ] Konkol said.

If all he's trying to do is be funny, how different is he from Borat? Is it still a serious crime? How could anyone fall for a story like that?

Devilboy Feeling Fine

This morning D-boy woke early and wanted to eat. He pulled out a pack of hotdogs from the fridge and cried for candy. Most mornings he won't touch a bite but today he wasn't allowed anything before surgery. I couldn't find the itinerary or the map to the Mason hospital so I did a frantic last minute search on Map Quest.

I got there quicker than I expected. D-boy forgot about food and played with the hospital toys. They gave him a quick physical. The anesthesia comes in different flavors now: grape, bubble gum, orange, and a few others. I picked bubble gum.

He went under pretty quickly and I only had to wait 15 minutes before the doctor came to the waiting room. He explained everything and said I should be able to go back in another ten to 15 minutes. It was more than 20 before they got me. The normally ever-awake Devilboy was still out. Yes, Karl Marx must have loved religion to compare it to an opiate.

The sutures look stomach-churningly sickening but he didn't seem to mind. He woke up as I changed him back to his clothes but fell asleep on the ride back home.

He threw up once but then kept down two hotdogs and juice. No baths for another five days but everything else looks peachy.

Wish Him Luck

Devilboy goes in for bladder-related outpatient surgery Monday morning, 9:15. Light a candle, say a prayer, what have you. It's pretty much snip, scrape, clean, and stitch but I'm feeling wired.

It's not serious but he's going to be mad/scared/sore all at once.

This wouldn't have been a problem in a female urinary track. If only feminist extremists had been given free reign, none of this would be happening.

Library Review

On Friday, I had to drive to Loveland so I stopped by two of the local libraries. Of the 41 branch libraries, I've checked out books from the following ten:

Mt. Washington: Growing up in the suburban neighborhood of Mt. Washington, this was the only library I knew. Today, after seeing some of the bigger branches, it seems cramped with a terrible parking lot but it has a decent selection of books. The librarians sensibly store media-driven children's books (Scooby Doo, Powerpuff Girls, Dora, etc.) under the children's videos, meaning I don't have to root through the stacks to find McCann, Barbo, or whoever else writes the Scooby series. This cuts Devilgirl-related whining to a fraction.
I don't know how long this will last (it might be gone already) but the librarians keep two aquatic frogs in an aquarium to give kids something to torment. Devilgirl calls the Mt. Washington branch "the Frog Library."

Anderson: When it was first built, the Anderson branch looked big but with a lot of wasted space. Today expansions have bulked it up with a much better selection of books and the most DVDs and media products outside the main library (at least by my gauge).

Hyde Park: I remember going to the Hyde Park branch as a kid and not thinking much of it. Today, they've done a lot with the building (or my memory is just lousy). Although it's fairly small, they make the most of the space with children's books on the first floor and adults' on the second. Near the stairs is a large koi pond. Devilgirl calls this "the Fish Library."

Clifton: I lived in Clifton for eight years before stepping foot in the library. It was essentially a converted store front, next to a barber shop and hardware store. For the neighborhood, with quick access to the main library and with many residents able to use the UC library system, I guess it serves its purpose but overall it's less than impressive.

Oakley: I'd driven by the Oakley branch hundreds of times before actually stopping. It's large with a good children's section but seems like it has a lot of wasted space. For some reason I found more Chthulu books here than any other branch.

Mariemont: Only took the kids there once but it seemed roomy with plenty of kids' material. It's next to the Mariemont High School which looks to be good planning.

Maderia: I don't think I'd ever been to Maderia before I took all three kids to the branch library. The set-up was very similar to Mariemont but the children's section was more elaborate with a special area for story-time reading. A good selection but short on mythology and heavy on Christian "how-to" books. I don't know if pagan-loving residents checked out all the mythology books before I got there, but, while there were many books overall, the subject matter seemed selective. Devil-step-daughter lost her library card there, somewhere in the stacks.

Corryville: I lived in Clifton for over ten years but never went to the Corryville branch until recently when I was driving home from cleaning out the contents of the latest car my wife wrecked. The building looks wonderful from the outside but more space is devoted to meeting rooms and activities than books. Again, for the neighborhood--right across from UC--that's probably appropriate but was a little bit of a let-down.

Loveland: Driving to the Loveland branch, I went by huge churches, McMansions, a skating rink made out to look like a castle, and all sort of other substantial edifices. So where is the library? In a strip mall.
They make the most of the space available but it comes off as more used book store than a library. The most positive thing is that the Loveland Elementary is across the street and while I was there, a class came over for a reading and to check out books.

Symmes: The Symmes branch is also next to the local elementary but the building is actually a stand-alone structure. It's not the biggest branch library but the architectural is probably the most flamboyant. Good selection but a strange layout. I found a book of Persian mythology that I've never seen before.

Why haven't I been to the Madisonville branch? I just haven't had a reason to go to Madisonville. Unless something unexpected crops up, that's the next branch I'd like to check out.

Good Haul

Even in mundane costumes, the Devil children collected an unhealthy amount of candy (of which I have only eaten a little).

God bless the people who gave out full-size Snicker bars.

One of Devilgirl's homework assignments is to sort her candy into different categories. Halloween's not really a religious holiday (face it, my Celtic friends, not any more) but I feel sorry for any Jehovah Witness or diabetic kids in her class.

Two Important Dates

I got a flyer from www.ohiogop.org which started off with:

Two important dates in American history:

September 11th, 2001

November 7th, 2006

I was leaning towards voting for O'Brien for Treasurer, Winkler and Martin as judges, and definitely voting against Issue 3. Congratulations, you shameless ghouls, I'll make the switch.

"Nobody Believed Them"

The only thing I remember about a book of practical jokes that I had as a kid was that you should never try to scare anyone with a ghost or monster routine around Halloween. If I remember correctly, March or April is the best ghost hoaxing season.

Imagine what these kids went through. "No, we're serious. There's a real dead body over there."