How Many of Them Have Soft Contacts?

Let me get into typical Cincinnati spirit--cough, cough--Why, in my day we didn't need Eye Ball Jewelry, we put in hard contacts and we loved them. I have bloody ragged lines in my eyes from shoving in hard contacts when I'm in a hurry but you don't see my putting a gold heart in there. No, bloody ragged lines in the eye are a sign of being a hard worker and good, patriotic American.

Thank you.