Correlation of Yard Signs to Candy

(I saved this as a draft on Monday instead of publishing it. It might have made all the difference.)

Last night for a long while it looked like people with Bush/Cheney signs in their yard were nothing but cheap bastards. The first three we came to had their porch lights out. Unfortunately for the Egg Producers of America, the next batch of houses with Bush signs went 4-1, leaving us with a tie. What tipped the scales was that one of the houses had their porch light on, a sidelight over the driveway (with a truck with a Bush sticker), but no one was home.

As everyone should know, leaving your porch light on is a contract with America to provide candy. (On the other hand, maybe the owner was taken without trial to Gitmo.)

DeWine went 0-1 for no candy. The school levy was 1-0 and the MRDD levy was 2-0 with the yard signs places strategically near the candy payoff. Kerry and Nader both were 0-0.

In the future for close elections, put out a yard sign for your candidate, put the light on, and hand out king-size Snicker bars.