Monday, October 31, 2005

Fairly Dumb Quizzes

Monster test. Some of the answers are completely wrong (they refer to Dawn of the Dead zombies and the Japanese King Kong, not the originals.

Monster rating that refers to Fred Munster. Herman, you idiot!
Bad Baptism

Electricity. Water. Not a good mix.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Shocking Movie Moments

Via Ebert, list of ten shocking moments in movie history.

Off the top of my head, I don't think this is a bad list but, given time, I might be able to think of a few better.

UPDATE: It might help if I include the link.
Weird Class

Due to strange circumstances, I had to bring Devilgirl to class. She didn't set the place on fire like one of my children would have but she was a huge distraction. We got out of class over an hour early. My students on Thursday would have been so jealous.
Murder and Ghosts at UC

Wow, UC is getting a reputation almost as kooky as Bob Jones.
Fake Shakespeare

Via the Hoax Museum, one of the textbook paintings of Shakespeare is actually of somebody else.
"Are there inbred families in the Ozarks/Appalachians like in Deliverance?"

Cecil Adams' answer: this.

My answer: "You're not from around here, are you?"

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk

Possible identity theft problems with a searchable data bank of driver's licenses.
Kill Me Kate

During class I tried to think of all of Shakespeare's plays. I got all but one (which would be impressive if I didn't have such a long time to think).

Got Timon of Athens.
Got Troilus and Cressida.
Got Two Noble Kinsmen and Two Gentlemen from Verona (containing the best of Shakespeare's fart jokes).
Got Pericles and everything else but Taming of the Shrew.

My dog even caught a shrew the other day! How could I forget the Bard's guide to abusing your spouse into becoming your slave?

Guess my wife would be happy about it.
Longest Class Ever

I meant to show the 2000 version of Hamlet starring Ethan Hawke tonight but I couldn't hook up my DVD player and had to show the 1948 Olivier version. The older version cuts out more material (the entire Rosencrantz and Guildenstern subplot is dropped) but runs for nearly 45 minutes longer. Class was 20 minutes late in getting out.

The only other time I kept a class more than a few minutes in overtime was the first time I showed the Olivier version. I think I'll show Mel Gibson's next quarter.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Devilboy Strikes Again

About a year ago, I posted about how Devilboy stuck his finger into my eye socket, ripping out my contact, and got his fingernails stuck in the tissue below my eye. He then got upset that he couldn't pull his hand loose.

He didn't quite get that bad but he did it outside in the rain this time and I couldn't find the contact. My insurance won't kick in until Tuesday so I'm getting by with an old lens until then.

Strange fascinations with eyes is a symptom of an autism-related disorder but it could be that he's destined to be a serial killer who keeps his victims' eyes in a pickle jar.
Crocodile Bites Off Diver's Head

Well, I think it's funny. (Of course, it's not real.)
Kid on the Windshield

The old legend about the drunk driver and the eight year old is back in circulation.

I've never hit a person but I have hit a deer, a rabbit, and a bird (thankfully not all at the same time). None of them stuck to the car as depicted in the legend. I've heard of deer (and, now through Snopes, people) getting stuck in the windshield but only after breaking partially through.

Is it physically possible for a human, even a light child, to remain on a grill? I'd like to test out the possibility sometimes but don't think I'll be able to get a license.
Nathan's New Page

If you haven't heard by now, The Prayer for Dawn page has been remade as Thank God, the old link still works--it takes me forever to update that stuff.

Saturday, October 22, 2005


How much is this blog worth?

My blog is worth $6,209.94.
How much is your blog worth?

Going once. . . twice. . . SOLD!

I expect some students to drop out of class unofficially, never to be seen again, but a couple of the better students from my ENG 101 at NKU haven't been showing up.

Today we started the Evaluation Paper with the old evaluate-a-potato-chip-using-concrete-standards exercise. It went okay but about a third of the class was missing.

Last time I did this exercise at Clermont, many of the young male students were too health conscious to sample the chips, even the one with a big "No Transfat" label. NKU students apparently aren't as squeamish.

When I was in ENG 101, the nutritional implications of potato chips wasn't my biggest worry. (Although maybe I'd be better off it if had been.)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Pages Down

Just noticed that both Independent Edge and A Prayer for Dawn's forum are down. Hackers? Updates? The Rapture?

Last week I saw that Evil Ambitions had be re-released as Satanic Yuppies. Connection? No idea yet.
Missed Class

Not to go into details but, due to a certain person I'm married to, I had to miss my ENG 99 class last night. It's the first time I ever missed a night class. Two of the students have to drive in from Adams County so it's a bigger deal than if it had happened on a non-commuter campus.

Things don't look like they'll get any better for a week and a half.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Why is Shakespeare Great?

Cecil Adams explains to a guy with my own name that Shakespeare is greater than Tom Clancy.

Go at it with an open mind, and with any luck you'll see what all the fuss is about. If not--well, not to be brutal, dear Mark, but the fault isn't in Shakespeare.

That would be surfer Mark from California he's talking to. It's hard to convince a student that "It's not the writer being too cryptic but that you never learned to read or think very well."

I was up until 3:19 on Thursday night and 3:05 yesterday, trying to grade papers for today's class. Only six of them showed up.

The head of the program agreed with me that starting class at 11:00 next semester would be a good idea.
Snake Handling and the Law

Here's the legal background of outlawing snake handling at church.

At first glance, prohibiting a person from practicing a religion would seem to violate the First Amendment. In several bizarre cases, the Supreme Court ruled that there are limits to our liberties when it comes to how we worship.

Before anybody gets worked up, consider the court's words in one such case: "
Suppose one believed that human sacrifices were a necessary part of religious worship, would it be seriously contended that the civil government under which he lived could not interfere to prevent a sacrifice?"
If some lunatic decided that to appease his god, he needed to tear your beating heart out, should his First Amendment rights trump your Fourteenth Amendment rights? The court (and common sanity) say no.

Advanced reading.

The case I'm familiar with went to court because of a rivalry between a snake-handling church and a non-snake-handling church. The leader of the snake people (let's call him "Rev. Loony") invited the leader of the other church (let's call him "Rev. Sane") to observe his services. Trying to be tolerant and considerate, Rev. Sane and wife attended Rev. Loony's church the next Sunday. Despite Rev. Loony's earlier assurances that they wouldn't be pressed to hold a snake, a rattlesnake was shoved towards Mrs. Sane, strongly against her will. Rev. Sane brought the matter to the civil authorities, and despite Rev. Loony's protests, the Supreme Court ruled that banning dangerous snakes in religious ceremonies is indeed acceptable under the U.S. Constitution.

These decisions are still violently fought by the snake-handlers and, with the upcoming changes in the Supreme Court, they may finally get such laws ruled unconstitutional. Hurray! Cobras for everyone!

Thinking about becoming a snake-handler? Here's some info for you, nutjob!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Bless the Animals

What struck me as funny as taking a worm to church is that it would be illegal to do this for many pets in Kentucky and five other states.

Kentucky bans reptiles from religious ceremonies (upheld by the Supreme Court). Some states extend the ban to amphibians as well. You could take your pet dog, gerbil, fish, worm, or parrot to this type of church blessing but Timmy the Turtle must stay at home.
Indian Giant Fossil

This looks incredibly fake (and probably linked to a video game) but it would put the fossilized hobbits to shame.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Better Dead than Non-Breastfed

The American Academy of Pediatrics has come up with new recommendations to help prevent SIDS.

Not surprisingly, the Milk Mafia has come out against it. You don't get a good dose of it here but I heard a radio interview with a breastfeeding advocate who was foaming at the mouth about pacifiers and parents not sleeping in the same bed as an infant because they might cause a slight decrease in breastfeeding.

I'm not against breastfeeding but, if you haven't met one of the Lactose Lunatics, you can't begin to imagine how pompous, self-righteous, and condescending they are. You might have met non-smoking advocate, religious nuts of all stripes, health food fanatics, or anyone else with a Noble Cause but none compare to the Milk Mafia.

To the M.Mob, there can be no reason not to breast feed. Suppose a woman had breast cancer and had a mastectomy . Then she wasn't fit to become a mother in the first place. Suppose a woman can't produce enough milk. Then there is something seriously wrong with her and her child should be removed to a more proper setting.

They don't admit to feeling like Tom Cruise in that there's no such thing as postnatal depression (just dead aliens in your head) but they certainly act like it, hitting women when they're most vulnerable and causing as much guilt and pain as they can.

Again, I'm not against breastfeeding but if you'd rather see a child take a greater risk from SIDS than take anything but a natural nipple, I'd say you have problems.
Pumpkin Farm

Devilboy and -girl went to Shaw Farm for a field trip today. I rode with DB which caused DG to throw a fit but her bus was filled to capacity. He was wild and I had to pick him up a few times but compared to a few of his classmates, I guess I don't have so much to complain about.

For once, Peter Bronson wrote a decent column about what some of the kids and their families go through and as much as I bitch about it, DB has a good chance of a "normal" life. A lot of the kids and their families don't.

One of the strangest feelings from the trip was that it seemed like they didn't really need me. Any time I volunteered for Cincinnati Public, it was like the whole place would fall down without me (and probably still would despite my efforts). I guess it's a good thing that so many people volunteer but it doesn't give you the same "I'm-giving-my-damnedest-to-a-hopeless-cause" feeling that came with CPS.

Oh, well. They had a fun time and got pumpkins.

Saturday, October 08, 2005


Brian at the Cincinnati blog posted about this idiot. I think if a paper that has endorsed every Republican presidential candidate except Lincoln says the bar owner is racist, it's hard to make an argument otherwise.

Is this an example of suburb or rural thinking? And does "suburb or rural thinking" even really exist anymore? The bar in question is a throw-back to when Mason was a good spot to buy a tractor or bulk volumes of squash. Mason in general is a suburb but Warren County is mixed at best.

Driving through Warren County, I pass mainly barns and corn fields. These are not representative symbols of a suburb. I've mentioned the anti-Catholic and white supremacist yard signs about a million times but they never stop amazing me. Is rural still applicable to any area in Ohio or is that reserved for REALLY rural parts of Kansas?

With relatives from Tennessee, Florida, and Texas, I can see that Warren County is West Paris compared to some of the mountain folk outside of Chattanooga. (And how do you class Point Barrow, Alaska? That's clearly beyond rural.)

On the other hand, can neighborhoods like Mt. Washington and Mt. Lookout be considered anything but suburbs? True, they're part of the city but they're less diverse than most of the municipalities bordering Cincinnati. I have several relatives in Mt. Washington but I wonder why anyone would live there. Nothing but ranch houses, barber shops, pizza places, cul-de-sacs AND a crappy school district.

I loved living in Clifton far more than any other place I've stayed but I'm not sure if it is truly "urban." Are we using words without meaning, and if so what would be a better classification?
Cars for Dogs

Honda designs a car with dogs in mind.

I think my dog is too big and too old for this to do any good but I'd probably still get more use out of it than a cigarette lighter.

One of five Japanese households have a dog? From my aunt and uncle's experiences in Singapore with dog-snatchers/dog-eaters, I would never have guessed.
How Much of the Internet Is Porn?

I haven't linked to the Straight Dope for a while but here's something that everyone must have considered--what percent of the Internet are pornographic?

Sadly no secondary links.
Banned Parent

Parental involvement is obviously a good thing but I agree it can be taken too far.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Pope Scares Kids

Kinda funny. Not real funny but it made me smile.
No Porn in India (Especially Loud Porn)

One of the obnoxious things I was involved with in college was helping a guy hook up a huge stereo (relation to owners of the old Steinberg stores) to his television so he could blast porn at our neighbors. After about three minutes, he thought it would be funnier to play the Scorpions over the brilliant dialogue and sound effects. It was hilarious to watch but I don't think the neighbors heard anything but "Rock Me Like a Hurricane."

This could have been 90 days in India. Maybe if they had access to porn instead of having to do the real thing, their population wouldn't be so critical.
Gross Stuff on Snopes

Shark fishing using live dogs as bait. I'm betting this is a faked picture by a PETA-esque group but maybe I'm wrong.

Gator bursts through a python. Yep, that's a Florida alligator for ya. One of them puny Georgian gators could get eaten by a goldfish.
Been a Week

I didn't have office hours on Saturday because I had to pick up Devilgirl from my parents and yesterday I couldn't access any blogger page. Not that a lot has happened but it was annoying.

My e-mail was down for a few days (and right at the beginning of the quarter) and when I got it working again, I had 691 messages backed up. Virtually all were spam but I had a couple from students.

Devil B&G had school pictures yesterday. In his first set of pictures, he has a dazed expression. I have to wonder how these will turn out.