Good News From the Vatican
Cardinal to World: We're Smarter than Protestants.
I'd like to become Pope (technically I could--the requirements are that 1. You're Catholic (and even bad Catholics who haven't been to mass in years and disagree with official policy count--hell, standards are so broad that they'd lump Covington and Nathan Singer in the "yes" column), 2. You're male (again, the way the rules are written, a transexual would still count, 3. You're alive (this is the most stringently enforced.)
Anyway I'd make about ten wide-spanning reforms (one of which would involve requirement #2) and resign.
Martin Sheen once worked on a documentary about the Vatican. He'd make a helluva Pope. Charlie could be Cardinal of Partying Down.