Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Zoroasterian's Knife to the Christian's Throat

Last March, the Diversity Council of the comany where my wife works sent the following e-mail. Note that a few passages are sloppily worded (and they can't seem to be able to spell Nauroze/Naruoze the same way twice) but does anything about this merit an emotional reaction?

In their ongoing effort to share information on different cultures and backgrounds, the Anthem West Diversity Council is providing this information about the Persian New Year, Naruoze or No Ruz.

Nauroze and the Vernal Equinox
The celebration of Nauroze (pronounced nor rose) welcomes the beginning of Spring in the new year on March 20, at the time of the Vernal Equinox. It is celebrated by Persians, Parsis, Zoroastrians and Bahá'ís, and in fact, the Zoroastrians have celebrated it for over 3,000 years.

No Ruz, new day or New Year, as the Iranians call it, is a celebration of the Vernal Equinox. It has been celebrated by all the major cultures of ancient Mesopotamia for thousands of years - the Sumerians since 3000 BC; Babylonians - 2000 BC; the ancient kingdom of Elam in Southern Persia - 2000 BC, and the Akaddians. Today's No Ruz celebration has unique Iranian characteristics and is deeply rooted in the traditions of the Zoroastrian belief system.

Zoroastrian - The Ancient Religion of Persia
Zoroastrian was the religion of ancient Persia before the advent of Islam 1,400 years ago. The familiar concepts of heaven, hell, resurrection, the coming of the messiah, and individual and last judgment were part of this belief system from ancient times. These beliefs are part of the Judo-Christian and Islamic religions. In order to understand No Ruz we have to know about Zoroastrians' cosmology.


Were you deeply offended? Read on for a co-worker's response. I'll include comments after this untouched copy of his text.

Good afternoon. I didn't realize that Islam and Christianity had so much in common! Not to mention the authoritative view held by this obvious religious zealot (I mean iconoclast, I mean. . . .) Geez, I guess there is really very little difference between all the world's religions and Christianity is just one of many choices. Fortunately, this was in the Anthem OnLine News from our Diversity Council. Definite authority on all of this stuff. Puke.
Before I though that it was only Judaism and Christianity that held any common beliefs, now I know its also included with the Zoroastrian's from ancient Persia. Puke. An ancient country obliterated centuries ago. Does anyone know where Persia was, and if so would it be bad to associate that with the current day Iranians due to the situation there? Let's make sure we understand that Christianity needs to be put in its place in the world's religions. Puke.
Should I expect the same treatment of Christian theology and its celebration of Ascension and forgiveness this Easter? I expect not. Don't you just love this diversity crap? I mean "stuff"?
Let's see if the Supreme Court becomes the supreme court after it rules on the One Nation under God phrase that so offends the lone atheist from California that is manipulating his own daughter, who doesn't have any objections to it at all, to remove it for the other 200 million people. Actually, maybe it is good that the S.C. hears it so that the dissent (which there will be one) from the bench (notice it's not "DECENT") will single out those judges who harbour the legislation from the bench idea. This will put it out of the reach of the godless forever. Pray that they have the courage to stand firm.
Once again, if it is unclear as to which way my opinion is leaning, please let me know and I'll clarify
Markkeitel
P.S. Please note that there is no prohibition to copying or forwarding on this document.


Response with my comments:

Good afternoon. I didn't realize that Islam and Christianity had so much in common! [This is apparently intended as sarcasm. Not only did he not realize that Islam and Christianity are essentially different versions of the same invisible man in the sky, but, other than a casual reference, the original e-mail has nothing to do with Islam.] Not to mention the authoritative view held by this obvious religious zealot (I mean iconoclast, I mean. . . .) [One part unintentional irony, two parts self-delusion, and a dash of hypocrisy. Zealot? The writer of the original e-mail puts all the energy in his writing as a third-grader cranking out a book report during the season's finale of Spongebob Squarepants.] Geez, I guess there is really very little difference between all the world's religions and Christianity is just one of many choices [Another sad, sad attempt at sarcasm. You see, irony only works in these situations when your statement isn't literally true.]. Fortunately, this was in the Anthem OnLine News from our Diversity Council. Definite authority on all of this stuff. Puke. [Obviously, I'm not adverse to ad hominen attacks but "puke"? How about a little effort?]
Before I though that it was only Judaism and Christianity that held any common beliefs [He wasn't kidding earlier. He really didn't know that Islam is Christianity without the Holy Spirit, pork rinds, and beer], now I know its also included with the Zoroastrian's [watch the apostrophe]from ancient Persia [Zoroaster was born to a virgin, his birth was witnessed by shepherds and angels, he performed miracles, resisted the temptation of great demons, died, descended to the underworld, but rose again three days later to ascend to heaven. Can you name that tune?]. Puke. [Again with the "puke." Somewhere Oscar Wilde is weeping. ] An ancient country obliterated centuries ago. Does anyone know where Persia was, and if so would it be bad to associate that with the current day Iranians due to the situation there [What mangled point is he trying to make? Was Persia "obliterated centuries ago" or is it the modern-day Iran? If he's trying to say that the original e-mail hid the connection between Iran and Persia, he must have missed the two direct mentions of Iranians. Normally when writers blatantly contradict themselves they try to buffer it with a sentence or two. And do we talk about the "Italian" Catholic Church or does the reference to the occasional "ancient country" crop up in Christianity as well?]? Let's make sure we understand that Christianity needs to be put in its place in the world's religions [Can anyone tell me where he found a threat to Christianity on the original e-mail? Does he seriously believe a good Episcopalian would read it and run off to convert to Zoroasterism?]. Puke. [He's not even trying anymore, is he?]
Should I expect the same treatment of Christian theology and its celebration of Ascension [Did he miss the point about "different cultures and backgrounds"? Does he seriously think Christian holidays can pass without comment in the United States? Has he ever had the day off for a Jewish, Hindu, or Muslim holiday? In fairness to him, depending on the calendar, Zoroaster's birth can be observed on December 25, but I don't see Shoe Carnival decking the aisles in celebrate anything by Christian holidays] and forgiveness [Now that's irony!] this Easter? I expect not. Don't you just love this diversity crap? I mean "stuff"? [At this point, why not use "puke" again? Reader expectation has dropped to below Dorothy Parker levels.]
Let's see if the Supreme Court becomes the supreme court after it rules on the One Nation under God phrase [Does this have anything to do with Zoroastrism or did his medication just run out?] that so offends the lone atheist from California [It's funny—when he tries to be sarcastic, he misses but when he's serious, he just drips irony. No, you'll never find an atheist in a San Francisco bathhouse, a Hollywood studio, or anywhere in Berkeley.] that is manipulating his own daughter, who doesn't have any objections to it at all, to remove it for the other 200 million people [First Amendment? Puke.]. Actually, maybe it is good that the S.C. hears it so that the dissent (which there will be one) from the bench (notice it's not "DECENT") [Yes, I've noticed that different words often have different spellings and meanings.] will single out those judges who harbour ["Harbour." Notice it's not "Harbor."] the legislation from the bench idea [Take a moment to translate that sentence to English. Seems we've strayed a bit from old Zoroaster]. This will put it out of the reach of the godless forever [Now, is anyone so naive as to actually believe that a Supreme Court ruling is as permanent and immutable as a Papal decree? If so, why are conservatives trying to overturn Roe v. Wade?]. Pray that they have the courage to stand firm. [And while they're at it, they could authorize the deportation of "the godless." After all, there's only one in all of California.]
Once again, if it is unclear as to which way my opinion is leaning, please let me know and I'll clarify. [No, the bias of your opinion is clear. It's your point that needs work.]
Markkeitel
P.S. Please note that there is no prohibition to copying or forwarding on this document. [Thanks.]

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