Thursday, January 20, 2005

IMDb Bottom 100

Okay, I lied. Due to Stephanie's Blog, I got caught up in this silliness. It almost seems inappropriate but this is the sort of stuff I used to live for:

1. Daniel - Der Zauberer (2004)
2. SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004)
3. 'Manos' the Hands of Fate (1966) Subject of one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes ever. To establish that the protagonists were taking a long car ride, the director decided to show them driving for something like 45 minutes. Not interior shots with dialogue but long shots of the car crawling down a rural highway. But it introduced the world to Torgo and Torgo simply rocks.
4. The Wild World of Batwoman (1966) Another MST3000 masterpiece. It was supposed to be funny and sexy but was just weird. The Batwoman looked more like a ferret.
5. Stjerner uden hjerner (1997)
6. Nuevos extraterrestres, Los (1983)
7. From Justin to Kelly (2003)
8. Future War (1997)
9. Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966)
10. Space Mutiny (1988)
11. Girl in Gold Boots (1969)
12. Eegah (1962) MST3000 again. Got it on DVD. Technically it's Eegah! with an exclamation mark. Incredibly disturbing scene of a scientist with his grown daughter on his lap allowing her to be groped by a caveman. Meant to be funny (I think) but went horribly wrong.
13. Troll 2 (1990)
14. Hobgoblins (1987)
15. You Got Served (2004)
16. Backyard Dogs (2000)
17. Santa with Muscles (1996)
18. Glitter (2001)
19. Werewolf (1996)
20. Going Overboard (1989)
21. Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)
22. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994) I think I saw this but they all run together.
23. Uomo puma, L' (1980)
24. Gigli (2003)
25. Kazaam (1996)
26. The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) I thought I saw this but Shatner was in it. The IMBd says that Alan Hale jr. (the Skipper) starred. Maybe I'm thinking of another spider invasion.
27. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) Pia Zadora in her first (or at least one of her first) starring roles. Meant to be appealing to children and adults but fails miserably with both.
28. Leonard Part 6 (1987) I think I saw part of this. Bill Cosby rides on an ostrich. Not very funny but all I remember.
29. Robot Monster (1953) Now this was a classic. The director didn't have enough money for a full alien costume so he put a space helmet on a guy in a gorilla costume. Instead of being a bad Bad movie, it's a good bad movie. Terrible but fun to watch.
30. House of the Dead (2003)
31. Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000)
32. Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
33. Baby Geniuses (1999)
34. It's Pat (1994)
35. Hercules in New York (1970) I'm pretty sure I saw this (with Arnie billed as "Arnold Strong" but maybe I just watched a preview. This occurred in a time that left very few brain cells active.
36. Cool as Ice (1991)
37. 2001: A Space Travesty (2000)
38. Jaws: The Revenge (1987) I used this in class. Ebert gives it a fitting review.
39. Simon Sez (1999)
40. The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1994)
41. Dis - en historie om kjærlighet (1995)
42. Bolero (1984)
43. Shanghai Surprise (1986)
44. Steel (1997)
45. Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989) I'm virtually positive I saw this one but again differentiating between Police Academy movies is not my strong suit.
46. Mitchell (1975) I've got this on tape via MST3000. The movie is terrible but it's Joel's last episode of the show.
47. Rollerball (2002) Saw the original.
48. Teen Wolf Too (1987) Saw the first one.
49. Marci X (2003)
50. Vercingétorix (2001)
51. Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983) I think this is the one without Burt Reynolds . . . and it actually hurt.
52. Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988) See #45.
53. Piranha Part Two: The Spawning (1981)
54. Captain America (1991) I saw a terrible Captain America movie but it had to be before 1991. Were there two of them?
55. Mannequin: On the Move (1991)
56. Ringmaster (1998)
57. Bride of the Monster (1955) Ed Wood's greatest movie. How could they list this and not The Violent Years (the movie where teenage girls abduct a teenager and and force him to have sex with them).
58. The Master of Disguise (2002)
59. Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981)
60. Spice World (1997)
61. Rhinestone (1984) Dolly teaches Sly to be a country singer. As bad as it sounds.
62. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)
63. Out for a Kill (2003)
64. Plump Fiction (1997)
65. The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962) I have this on DVD from MST3000 once more. The last five minutes of the movie brings in a previously unknown monster which resolves the storyline. Inane but watchable.
66. Problem Child 2 (1991)
67. Street Fighter (1994)
68. Mr. Nanny (1993)
69. Torque (2004)
70. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995)
71. Cop & 1/2 (1993)
72. Double Dragon (1994)
73. Barb Wire (1996)
74. Crossroads (2002)
75. Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
76. Cyborg 2 (1993)
77. Jaws 3-D (1983) Not nearly as bad as Jaws the Revenge but still pretty bad. The director tried to milk the death of a baby great white as a tear-jerker.
78. An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)
79. RoboCop 3 (1993)
80. The Foreigner (2003)
81. The Mangler (1995) Of all the movies based on the writing of Stephen King, this is the worst. . . and I've seen Maximum Overdrive.
82. Silenzio dei prosciutti, Il (1994)
83. Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1993)
84. Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)
85. Soul Plane (2004)
86. Iron Eagle II (1988)
87. The Cat in the Hat (2003)
88. FearDotCom (2002)
89. Derailed (2002)
90. Bats (1999/I)
91. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) As bad as it was, it was still better than Batman and Robin (the last horrible movie with Arnie as Mr. Freeze).
92. Mac and Me (1988)
93. Ticker (2001)
94. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)
95. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
96. Mr. Magoo (1997)
97. Best Defense (1984) Pretty dumb but I wouldn't list it as one of the absolute worst.
98. Surf Ninjas (1993)
99. Pokémon: The First Movie (1999) This made the list of my worst five children's movies, one of my first posting on this blog. Curiously, most of the sequels were somewhat better, as if they slapped together the first one for a deadline.
100. The Avengers (1998)

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