Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Once again,
Devilboy and Evil Dad

For the fifteenth Saturday in a row, Evil Dad is stuck watching Devilboy during one of his fiendish ceremonies. Little does he know it will go even worse than usual.

Evil Dad: Welcome my pretties for the last day of the rest of your lives.
Virgin #1: What, are you trying to sound like the Crypt-Keeper? Lame!
ED: Shut up you!
Devilboy (belches and knocks over an intricate obsidian statue)
ED: Oh! Old Navy stopped carrying those!
Virgin #2: Ha, ha, loser!
ED: Slog that pie-hole! Prepare to hear the true voice of evil.
Voice: You call this a fiendish ceremony, chicken-brain?
ED: Oh no.
DB: Grampy!
Evil Grampa: Half-assed effort as always, I see. And only sacrificing three virgins, eh Stinky? In my day, I had eight virgins skinned and boiled before I drank the day's first carbonated soda.
ED: Yeah, but it was a lot easier to find virgins before they invented sex.
DB: Gramp-gramp! (yanks his wallet from his back pocket and squeezes behind a filing cabinet)
EG: Why that little moon-beast! This comes from you trying to be a child's friend instead of clubbing him with a blunt instrument. Like I always says, spare the rod and spoil the fun.
ED: So, you've been posting over at Cincinnati Blog, have you?
DB: Um, muk-mulk.
EG: By blangedity! He's got my VIP pass to Cooters All Nude Lounge! Lemme give you a taste of belt leather, you scallyworg!
ED: I'd rather you not do anything that might cause disrobement.
EG (swinging belt): Take this!
Virgin #1: Owww!
EG: And this!
Virgin #3: Ugghh!
EG: And a little of this!
Virgin #1: Hey, hit Virgin #2 for a change!
EG: I'll fracture your skull and dislocate your joints until you learn proper family values! (pants heavily) My angina! (fumbles for his pockets)
ED: Devilboy must really like you. He hasn't stuck anything through your scrotum yet.
EG: Arggghh! My heart medicine! He switched it for tic-tacs.
ED: Dammit, Devilboy! Those tic-tacs didn't belong to you!
EG: Glack (falls over dead)
ED: Hot diggity, Devilboy! Help me drag him into the pentagram and we'll have four sacrifices in one day. . . five, if your mom drinks that coffee I set out for her.
DB: Brappp.
Virgin #1: Um, are you still going to kill us?
ED: Well, yeah but I won't enjoy it nearly as much (pulls switch; spikes drop from the ceiling, impaling the three of them)
DB: Belcha bloy!
ED: Uh-huh, I actually enjoyed it too.

Join us next week, when we'll hear Evil Dad say to Devilboy, "Hurry and help me clean out his garage before your aunties and uncles find out."

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