How Things Are Going
On Friday we had a two-hour long evaluation for D-boy at Children's Hospital's Autism Center. We've done things like this before but this time feels like it might put us on the right track.
D-boy stayed up until 3:41 on Friday night and 4:05 on Saturday. Last night he woke up briefly for a drink but went back to sleep, granting me a whopping six and a half hours of sleep.
My Saturday schedule is NKU from 9 to 1, then the deli from 3 to 11. I'm heading for the grave but I have to maintain enough hours to keep health insurance.
D-girl started a study at Children's Hospital called "Growing Up Female." It's geared for young girls with a family history of breast cancer (both her grandmothers had it). I think it's a great study but the name's a little funny.
With NKU and the kids' school starting (D-boy doesn't go until September 11), it looks like I'll have a little free time soon. I'm so glad summer is almost over.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Pretty Good News
One of D-boy's kidneys is larger than the other (but not beyond a standard deviation). He has minor reflux from his bladder to one kidney (I didn't think to ask if it was the big or little one) which is causing his infections. Apparently this is almost entirely a male problem--with female plumbing, things just work themselves out.
He's going to a specialist soon but unless he gets another dose of bacteria, he should be fine.
He hasn't slept more than fifteen minutes at a time for the last three nights so it's nice to know that at least one part of his body is working half-way decently.
One of D-boy's kidneys is larger than the other (but not beyond a standard deviation). He has minor reflux from his bladder to one kidney (I didn't think to ask if it was the big or little one) which is causing his infections. Apparently this is almost entirely a male problem--with female plumbing, things just work themselves out.
He's going to a specialist soon but unless he gets another dose of bacteria, he should be fine.
He hasn't slept more than fifteen minutes at a time for the last three nights so it's nice to know that at least one part of his body is working half-way decently.
A Break in my Melodrama
Here's a meme from Nathan's page Not the greatest but it got my attention.
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Only my car and only a quick eyeballing. All my cars have been so bland that I can stack dead bodies in the back seat and drive through an FOP picnic without getting stopped.
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I don't think so. It's been a while.
3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledding?
Years and years. And around here, we say sled-riding.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
With Devilboy around, the best I do is doze.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I can't improve on Nathan's, "No. I don’t disbelieve in them either."
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
I'd like think so.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
Technically, weren't they divorced at the time?
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Technically, I'm still married.
9. Do you stay friends with your ex’s?
No.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, but lately it's been Go Fish and Old Maid.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Whoever wrote this meme obviously didn't have young children.
12. What’s your favorite commercial?
"Where's the Beef?" I just watch DVDs anymore.
13. What are you allergic to?
Cats, ash tree pollen, some mold, and some flowers. Possibly latex.
14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
I guess I would but I've never been in the position since God knows when.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Yes, and, like Patrick Star, I keep it in a secret box.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I'd like a comet to strike the stadium they're playing. I haven't really followed baseball since the strike.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Only once and I was surprisingly good.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
I usually remember them for a few minutes after waking up and then they fade. Except last night when I had a dream I was back in high school and went on a secret mission with the female president of the U.S.'s daughter and another teenage girl-spy. Maybe that was the only dream I've ever had worth remembering.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
It's happened but I can't pin it down.
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
I could probably name 50 but I won't.
21. What’s the one thing on your mind now?
Why I'm doing this when it's the last day of class.
22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass Barbie is?
No but I know who Aaron from Titus Andronicus is.
23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes. And strap the kids in their booster seats. I even strap down the bodies in the trunk.
24. What cell service do you use?
I think my wife cancelled my cell phone because I never used it.
25. Do you like Sushi?
No but my wife does.
26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
I can't prove they'd have been fatal but I suspect.
27. What do you wear to bed?
Anymore, regular clothes. That way when Devilboy starts crying six minutes after I close my eyes, I don't have to get dressed.
28. Been caught stealing?
No
29. What shoe size do you have?
My shoes are 14 but I think they should be 15.
30. Do you truly hate anyone?
If you define "hate," as "wishing eternal damnation upon someone," I'd say no. But I'd like to see a few bastards in Purgatory for a couple billion years.
31. Classic Rock or Rap?
They only rap I've heard in the last year is "When Worlds Collide" from Spongebob (performed by a caveman and a robot). I'm not sure if that's really rap.
32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I'd just like to sleep.
33. Favorite Song?
"Marvin, I love you" by Marvin the Paranoid Android.
34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Probably.
35. What food do you find disgusting?
Most fruit.
36. Do you sing in the shower ?
No.
37. Did you ever play, “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”?
I was an altar boy, you know.
38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Probably.
39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Not as often as I should have.
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes, lately just by my children.
Here's a meme from Nathan's page Not the greatest but it got my attention.
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Only my car and only a quick eyeballing. All my cars have been so bland that I can stack dead bodies in the back seat and drive through an FOP picnic without getting stopped.
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
I don't think so. It's been a while.
3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledding?
Years and years. And around here, we say sled-riding.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
With Devilboy around, the best I do is doze.
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I can't improve on Nathan's, "No. I don’t disbelieve in them either."
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
I'd like think so.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
Technically, weren't they divorced at the time?
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Technically, I'm still married.
9. Do you stay friends with your ex’s?
No.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, but lately it's been Go Fish and Old Maid.
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Whoever wrote this meme obviously didn't have young children.
12. What’s your favorite commercial?
"Where's the Beef?" I just watch DVDs anymore.
13. What are you allergic to?
Cats, ash tree pollen, some mold, and some flowers. Possibly latex.
14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
I guess I would but I've never been in the position since God knows when.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Yes, and, like Patrick Star, I keep it in a secret box.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
I'd like a comet to strike the stadium they're playing. I haven't really followed baseball since the strike.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Only once and I was surprisingly good.
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
I usually remember them for a few minutes after waking up and then they fade. Except last night when I had a dream I was back in high school and went on a secret mission with the female president of the U.S.'s daughter and another teenage girl-spy. Maybe that was the only dream I've ever had worth remembering.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
It's happened but I can't pin it down.
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
I could probably name 50 but I won't.
21. What’s the one thing on your mind now?
Why I'm doing this when it's the last day of class.
22. Do you know who Ghetto-ass Barbie is?
No but I know who Aaron from Titus Andronicus is.
23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes. And strap the kids in their booster seats. I even strap down the bodies in the trunk.
24. What cell service do you use?
I think my wife cancelled my cell phone because I never used it.
25. Do you like Sushi?
No but my wife does.
26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
I can't prove they'd have been fatal but I suspect.
27. What do you wear to bed?
Anymore, regular clothes. That way when Devilboy starts crying six minutes after I close my eyes, I don't have to get dressed.
28. Been caught stealing?
No
29. What shoe size do you have?
My shoes are 14 but I think they should be 15.
30. Do you truly hate anyone?
If you define "hate," as "wishing eternal damnation upon someone," I'd say no. But I'd like to see a few bastards in Purgatory for a couple billion years.
31. Classic Rock or Rap?
They only rap I've heard in the last year is "When Worlds Collide" from Spongebob (performed by a caveman and a robot). I'm not sure if that's really rap.
32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I'd just like to sleep.
33. Favorite Song?
"Marvin, I love you" by Marvin the Paranoid Android.
34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Probably.
35. What food do you find disgusting?
Most fruit.
36. Do you sing in the shower ?
No.
37. Did you ever play, “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”?
I was an altar boy, you know.
38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Probably.
39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Not as often as I should have.
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes, lately just by my children.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Not As Bad As I Thought
Well, the ultrasound went almost supernaturally well. The tech said he was the best patient she saw all day. That was after waiting (translate--running wildly) from 12:25 to 3:10. You'd think if a kid was tearing the waiting room apart, they'd actually page the appropriate doctor. My wife took a half day without pay and only God knows how much of the three hours was wasted because the receptionists kept calling the wrong people. The ultrasound tech said that she could have seen us much earlier but she was never notified.
The kidney/hell test was rough. Lots of screaming and crying plus a catheter and high doses of radiation. When he finally got through it, he was supposed to give a urine sample but he refused for the better part of an hour. Finally they gave up and we have to hope that it won't be necessary to do it again.
It should be a few days before the results are finished. I should have some sort of a life by that time, I hope.
Well, the ultrasound went almost supernaturally well. The tech said he was the best patient she saw all day. That was after waiting (translate--running wildly) from 12:25 to 3:10. You'd think if a kid was tearing the waiting room apart, they'd actually page the appropriate doctor. My wife took a half day without pay and only God knows how much of the three hours was wasted because the receptionists kept calling the wrong people. The ultrasound tech said that she could have seen us much earlier but she was never notified.
The kidney/hell test was rough. Lots of screaming and crying plus a catheter and high doses of radiation. When he finally got through it, he was supposed to give a urine sample but he refused for the better part of an hour. Finally they gave up and we have to hope that it won't be necessary to do it again.
It should be a few days before the results are finished. I should have some sort of a life by that time, I hope.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Finally a New Post
My head is spinning and my guts are churning. Devilboy has a new bladder infection, causing disgusting, pus-filled urine. Next Monday at Children's Hospital, he's having radioactive dye injected into his bladder to see if anything is being forced back to his kidneys. Should be real fun. Yep, it involves a catheter. Real fun.
My head is spinning and my guts are churning. Devilboy has a new bladder infection, causing disgusting, pus-filled urine. Next Monday at Children's Hospital, he's having radioactive dye injected into his bladder to see if anything is being forced back to his kidneys. Should be real fun. Yep, it involves a catheter. Real fun.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Twister
This was a first. I had a class called on account of tornado warning.
Our classroom has no windows but it's on the top floor so maintenance sent everyone to the basement. Once there, a forgotten science experiment turned terribly wrong burst from the laboratory on a bloody trail of terror.
If only.
This was a first. I had a class called on account of tornado warning.
Our classroom has no windows but it's on the top floor so maintenance sent everyone to the basement. Once there, a forgotten science experiment turned terribly wrong burst from the laboratory on a bloody trail of terror.
If only.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Purpose of Envy
If anybody is still hanging around, an old friend of mine is working on a new web page. It's still under construction but if you wouldn't mind checking it out and providing any feedback that I can forward to him.
If anybody is still hanging around, an old friend of mine is working on a new web page. It's still under construction but if you wouldn't mind checking it out and providing any feedback that I can forward to him.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
More Bomb Threats
Nagel Middle School is up to seven bomb threats this year despite having bathroom monitors who allow only two students inside at one time and inspections of the walls after they leave (in our new world order, just writing "bomb" is enough to bring the bomb squad and police dogs).
I know I risk the paralyzing irony of having this bite me on the ass but I hope the parents of the kids responsible have to pay back the tax money for the bomb searches.
On another note, has a mad bomber ever left just a one-word message, "Bomb" or anything else, in a real bombing? The Unabomber's manifesto went on forever. I know the defense is "We can't afford to take a risk" but would they call the dogs for "bom" or "bobm"? That would make Robert Miller think twice before writing bathroom graffiti.
Nagel Middle School is up to seven bomb threats this year despite having bathroom monitors who allow only two students inside at one time and inspections of the walls after they leave (in our new world order, just writing "bomb" is enough to bring the bomb squad and police dogs).
I know I risk the paralyzing irony of having this bite me on the ass but I hope the parents of the kids responsible have to pay back the tax money for the bomb searches.
On another note, has a mad bomber ever left just a one-word message, "Bomb" or anything else, in a real bombing? The Unabomber's manifesto went on forever. I know the defense is "We can't afford to take a risk" but would they call the dogs for "bom" or "bobm"? That would make Robert Miller think twice before writing bathroom graffiti.
Check out
Nothing much to report so here's my current library checkout list:
Terrible Videos
Pokémon. Adventures on the Orange Islands 2 [videorecording]
Pokémon advanced challenge. Vol. 6, Go go Ludicolo! [videorecording]
Pokémon advanced. Volume eight, Jump for joy [videorecording]
The Muppet movie [videorecording]
Yu-gi-oh! [videorecording ]
Yu-gi-oh! [videorecording]
Yu-gi-oh! Enter the Shadow Realm [videorecording]
Thomas & friends. Steamies vs diesels [videorecording]
Power Rangers Ninja storm. Lightning strikers [videorecording]
Looney tunes. Reality check [videorecording]
Hamtaro [videorecording] : little hamsters, big adventures
Kids Books
Valentine's Day Dognapping, Herman, Gail
Blinded by the Light, Torres, J.
Eency Weency Spider, Wang, Margaret.
Scooby-Doo! and the Sunken Ship, Gelsey, James
Humpback Whale, Bright, Michael
Red-eyed Tree Frog, Cowley, Joy.
Crocodiles, Robinson, Claire
Scales, Slime, and Salamanders, Miller-Schroeder, Patricia.
Scooby-Doo! and the Secret Admirer, McCann, Jesse Leon.
Devilboy’s Shark Books
Sharks, Parker, Steve.
Sharks, Gibbons, Gail.
All about Sharks, Arnosky, Jim.
Sharks : shark magic for kids, Corrigan, Patricia
Scary Sharks, Landau, Elaine
The encyclopedia of sharks, Parker, Steve. (I’m putting Steve Parker’s kids through college)
Sharks, Evert, Laura
Sharks, (no author listed)
Sharks, Lopez, Gary.
My Books
Babylonian and Assyrian Religion, Hooke, S. H. (Samuel Henry)
Sumerian Mythology : a study of spiritual and literary achievement in the third millennium B.C., Kramer, Samuel Noah
The Oasis Guide to Asperger Syndrome : advice, support, insight, and inspiration Bashe, Patricia Romanowski
A Short History of Myth, Armstrong, Karen (I always wanted to read Armstrong but I didn’t care much for this book)
Breakthrough parenting for children with special needs : raising the bar of expectations, Winter, Judy
Would you convict? : seventeen cases that challenged the law, Robinson, Paul H.
Voodoo : past and present, Bodin, Ron. (Includes a voodoo love spell that involves “gutting” live hummingbirds)
The Asperger parent : how to raise a child with Asperger syndrome and maintain your sense of humor, Cohen, Jeffrey
Myths and Monsters : from dragons to werewolves, Buller, Laura
The Mythology of Dogs : canine legend and lore through the ages, Hausman, Gerald.
The Roots of Desire : the myth, meaning, and sexual power of red hair, Roach, Marion.
The Book of Lost Books : an incomplete history of all the great books you'll never read, Kelly, Stuart. (Books that have been lost to the ages or never finished—I got it for Shakespeare’s lost plays)
Art of the Avant-Gardes
Nothing much to report so here's my current library checkout list:
Terrible Videos
Pokémon. Adventures on the Orange Islands 2 [videorecording]
Pokémon advanced challenge. Vol. 6, Go go Ludicolo! [videorecording]
Pokémon advanced. Volume eight, Jump for joy [videorecording]
The Muppet movie [videorecording]
Yu-gi-oh! [videorecording ]
Yu-gi-oh! [videorecording]
Yu-gi-oh! Enter the Shadow Realm [videorecording]
Thomas & friends. Steamies vs diesels [videorecording]
Power Rangers Ninja storm. Lightning strikers [videorecording]
Looney tunes. Reality check [videorecording]
Hamtaro [videorecording] : little hamsters, big adventures
Kids Books
Valentine's Day Dognapping, Herman, Gail
Blinded by the Light, Torres, J.
Eency Weency Spider, Wang, Margaret.
Scooby-Doo! and the Sunken Ship, Gelsey, James
Humpback Whale, Bright, Michael
Red-eyed Tree Frog, Cowley, Joy.
Crocodiles, Robinson, Claire
Scales, Slime, and Salamanders, Miller-Schroeder, Patricia.
Scooby-Doo! and the Secret Admirer, McCann, Jesse Leon.
Devilboy’s Shark Books
Sharks, Parker, Steve.
Sharks, Gibbons, Gail.
All about Sharks, Arnosky, Jim.
Sharks : shark magic for kids, Corrigan, Patricia
Scary Sharks, Landau, Elaine
The encyclopedia of sharks, Parker, Steve. (I’m putting Steve Parker’s kids through college)
Sharks, Evert, Laura
Sharks, (no author listed)
Sharks, Lopez, Gary.
My Books
Babylonian and Assyrian Religion, Hooke, S. H. (Samuel Henry)
Sumerian Mythology : a study of spiritual and literary achievement in the third millennium B.C., Kramer, Samuel Noah
The Oasis Guide to Asperger Syndrome : advice, support, insight, and inspiration Bashe, Patricia Romanowski
A Short History of Myth, Armstrong, Karen (I always wanted to read Armstrong but I didn’t care much for this book)
Breakthrough parenting for children with special needs : raising the bar of expectations, Winter, Judy
Would you convict? : seventeen cases that challenged the law, Robinson, Paul H.
Voodoo : past and present, Bodin, Ron. (Includes a voodoo love spell that involves “gutting” live hummingbirds)
The Asperger parent : how to raise a child with Asperger syndrome and maintain your sense of humor, Cohen, Jeffrey
Myths and Monsters : from dragons to werewolves, Buller, Laura
The Mythology of Dogs : canine legend and lore through the ages, Hausman, Gerald.
The Roots of Desire : the myth, meaning, and sexual power of red hair, Roach, Marion.
The Book of Lost Books : an incomplete history of all the great books you'll never read, Kelly, Stuart. (Books that have been lost to the ages or never finished—I got it for Shakespeare’s lost plays)
Art of the Avant-Gardes
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Forest Hills School District
On the day of a crucial school levy, a student in Nagel Middle School made another bomb threat in the girls' bathroom. This is the third in the last few months. Is my stepdaughter the culprit? I sincerely doubt it (when Devilboy is in seventh grade, I might not be as confident).
The levy passed 7,306 to 5,746 but God knows how many voters might have went against it due to this stupidity. What really steams me is that kids don't even really have to make a bomb threat today. In most of the local bomb threats, some idiot just wrote the word "BOMB" in the bathroom and the entire school shut down. In the 80s, the janitor would have just washed off the wall. And before any wiseass tries to say today is more dangerous, there were more school shootings in the 80s than in the last ten years. (Can't find stats about bombings.)
The same thing happened today. You'd think it would be cheaper to hire bathroom monitors (although I'm afraid of who might apply).
On the day of a crucial school levy, a student in Nagel Middle School made another bomb threat in the girls' bathroom. This is the third in the last few months. Is my stepdaughter the culprit? I sincerely doubt it (when Devilboy is in seventh grade, I might not be as confident).
The levy passed 7,306 to 5,746 but God knows how many voters might have went against it due to this stupidity. What really steams me is that kids don't even really have to make a bomb threat today. In most of the local bomb threats, some idiot just wrote the word "BOMB" in the bathroom and the entire school shut down. In the 80s, the janitor would have just washed off the wall. And before any wiseass tries to say today is more dangerous, there were more school shootings in the 80s than in the last ten years. (Can't find stats about bombings.)
The same thing happened today. You'd think it would be cheaper to hire bathroom monitors (although I'm afraid of who might apply).
"Florida Cracker Culture"
Heroic alligator attempts to increase the average American I.Q. by a few decimal points.
Heroic alligator attempts to increase the average American I.Q. by a few decimal points.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Local Discipline
A while back a member of Cincinnati City Council beat his son with a belt for giving a teacher an inappropriate look at school. People of the area applauded him, pointing out that "spare the rod, spoil the fun."
Here's the new hero.
A while back a member of Cincinnati City Council beat his son with a belt for giving a teacher an inappropriate look at school. People of the area applauded him, pointing out that "spare the rod, spoil the fun."
Here's the new hero.
Mermaid's Breasts Too Big for Florida
This story seems great until I saw the actual sculpture.
I guess they're pretty big.
This story seems great until I saw the actual sculpture.
I guess they're pretty big.
Cincinnati to Lead the World to Peace
via museum of Hoaxes
Devilboy hasn't been sleeping any better. There was another bomb threat at my stepdaughter's school. Drivers are just as big as idiots.
I'm not sure if this local praying for peace experiment is working.
If a new age of peace would suddenly cloak the globe, where would it start? The Promised Land? New Zealand? The Playboy Mansion?
Cincinnati isn't top on my list of peace cities (or piece cities, for that matter).
via museum of Hoaxes
Devilboy hasn't been sleeping any better. There was another bomb threat at my stepdaughter's school. Drivers are just as big as idiots.
I'm not sure if this local praying for peace experiment is working.
If a new age of peace would suddenly cloak the globe, where would it start? The Promised Land? New Zealand? The Playboy Mansion?
Cincinnati isn't top on my list of peace cities (or piece cities, for that matter).
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Movie List
Here's Roger Ebert's list of movies you have to see to be able to talk about movies (thanks Katie)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Stanley Kubrick
The 400 Blows (1959) Francois Truffaut
8 1/2 (1963) Federico Fellini
Aguirre, the Wrath of God (1972) Werner Herzog
Alien (1979) Ridley Scott
All About Eve (1950) Joseph L. Mankiewicz
Annie Hall (1977) Woody Allen
Apocalypse Now (1979) Francis Ford Coppola*
Bambi (1942) Disney
The Battleship Potemkin (1925) Sergei Eisenstein
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) William Wyler
The Big Red One (1980) Samuel Fuller
The Bicycle Thief (1949) Vittorio De Sica
The Big Sleep (1946) Howard Hawks
Blade Runner (1982) Ridley Scott
Blowup (1966) Michelangelo Antonioni
Blue Velvet (1986) David Lynch (Funny, Ebert gave this a bad review when it came out)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967) Arthur Penn
Breathless (1959 Jean-Luc Godard
Bringing Up Baby (1938) Howard Hawks
Carrie (1975) Brian DePalma
Casablanca (1942) Michael Curtiz
Un Chien Andalou (1928) Luis Bunuel & Salvador Dali
Children of Paradise" / "Les Enfants du Paradis" (1945) Marcel Carne
Chinatown (1974) Roman Polanski
Citizen Kane (1941) Orson Welles
A Clockwork Orange (1971) Stanley Kubrick
The Crying Game (1992) Neil Jordan
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) Robert Wise
Days of Heaven (1978) Terence Malick
Dirty Harry (1971) Don Siegel
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972) Luis Bunuel
Do the Right Thing (1989 Spike Lee
La Dolce Vita (1960) Federico Fellini
Double Indemnity (1944) Billy Wilder
Dr. Strangelove (1964) Stanley Kubrick
Duck Soup (1933) Leo McCarey
E.T. -- The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) Steven Spielberg
Easy Rider (1969) Dennis Hopper
The Empire Strikes Back (1980) Irvin Kershner
The Exorcist (1973) William Friedkin
Fargo (1995) Joel & Ethan Coen
Fight Club (1999) David Fincher
Frankenstein (1931) James Whale
The General (1927) Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman
The Godfather & The Godfather, Part II (1972, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola
Gone With the Wind (1939) Victor Fleming
GoodFellas (1990) Martin Scorsese
The Graduate (1967) Mike Nichols
Halloween (1978) John Carpenter
A Hard Day's Night (1964) Richard Lester
Intolerance (1916) D.W. Griffith
It's a Gift (1934) Norman Z. McLeod
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) Frank Capra
Jaws (1975) Steven Spielberg
The Lady Eve (1941) Preston Sturges
Lawrence of Arabia (1962) David Lean
M (1931) Fritz Lang (best serial killer ever)
Mad Max 2 / "The Road Warrior" (1981) George Miller
The Maltese Falcon (1941) John Huston
The Manchurian Candidate" (1962) John Frankenheimer
Metropolis" (1926) Fritz Lang
Modern Times (1936) Charles Chaplin
Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam
Nashville (1975) Robert Altman
The Night of the Hunter (1955) Charles Laughton
Night of the Living Dead (1968) George Romero
North by Northwest (1959) Alfred Hitchcock
Nosferatu" (1922) F.W. Murnau
On the Waterfront (1954) Elia Kazan
Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968) Sergio Leone
Out of the Past (1947) Jacques Tournier
Persona (1966) Ingmar Bergman
Pink Flamingos (1972) John Waters
Psycho (1960) Alfred Hitchcock
Pulp Fiction (1994) Quentin Tarantino
Rashomon (1950) Akira Kurosawa
Rear Window (1954) Alfred Hitchcock
Rebel Without a Cause (1955) Nicholas Ray
Red River (1948) Howard Hawks
Repulsion (1965) Roman Polanski
The Rules of the Game(1939) Jean Renoir
Scarface (1932) Howard Hawks
The Scarlet Empress (1934) Josef von Sternberg
Schindler's List (1993) Steven Spielberg
The Searchers (1956) John Ford
The Seven Samurai (1954) Akira Kurosawa
Singin' in the Rain (1952) Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
Some Like It Hot (1959) Billy Wilder
A Star Is Born (1954) George Cukor
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) Elia Kazan
Sunset Boulevard (1950) Billy Wilder
Taxi Driver (1976) Martin Scorsese
The Third Man (1949) Carol Reed
Tokyo Story (1953) Yasujiro Ozu
Touch of Evil (1958) Orson Welles
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) John Huston
Trouble in Paradise (1932) Ernst Lubitsch
Vertigo (1958) Alfred Hitchcock
West Side Story (1961) Jerome Robbins/Robert Wise
The Wild Bunch (1969) Sam Peckinpah
The Wizard of Oz (1939) Victor Fleming
Here's Roger Ebert's list of movies you have to see to be able to talk about movies (thanks Katie)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Stanley Kubrick
The 400 Blows (1959) Francois Truffaut
8 1/2 (1963) Federico Fellini
Aguirre, the Wrath of God (1972) Werner Herzog
Alien (1979) Ridley Scott
All About Eve (1950) Joseph L. Mankiewicz
Annie Hall (1977) Woody Allen
Apocalypse Now (1979) Francis Ford Coppola*
Bambi (1942) Disney
The Battleship Potemkin (1925) Sergei Eisenstein
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) William Wyler
The Big Red One (1980) Samuel Fuller
The Bicycle Thief (1949) Vittorio De Sica
The Big Sleep (1946) Howard Hawks
Blade Runner (1982) Ridley Scott
Blowup (1966) Michelangelo Antonioni
Blue Velvet (1986) David Lynch (Funny, Ebert gave this a bad review when it came out)
Bonnie and Clyde (1967) Arthur Penn
Breathless (1959 Jean-Luc Godard
Bringing Up Baby (1938) Howard Hawks
Carrie (1975) Brian DePalma
Casablanca (1942) Michael Curtiz
Un Chien Andalou (1928) Luis Bunuel & Salvador Dali
Children of Paradise" / "Les Enfants du Paradis" (1945) Marcel Carne
Chinatown (1974) Roman Polanski
Citizen Kane (1941) Orson Welles
A Clockwork Orange (1971) Stanley Kubrick
The Crying Game (1992) Neil Jordan
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) Robert Wise
Days of Heaven (1978) Terence Malick
Dirty Harry (1971) Don Siegel
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972) Luis Bunuel
Do the Right Thing (1989 Spike Lee
La Dolce Vita (1960) Federico Fellini
Double Indemnity (1944) Billy Wilder
Dr. Strangelove (1964) Stanley Kubrick
Duck Soup (1933) Leo McCarey
E.T. -- The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) Steven Spielberg
Easy Rider (1969) Dennis Hopper
The Empire Strikes Back (1980) Irvin Kershner
The Exorcist (1973) William Friedkin
Fargo (1995) Joel & Ethan Coen
Fight Club (1999) David Fincher
Frankenstein (1931) James Whale
The General (1927) Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman
The Godfather & The Godfather, Part II (1972, 1974) Francis Ford Coppola
Gone With the Wind (1939) Victor Fleming
GoodFellas (1990) Martin Scorsese
The Graduate (1967) Mike Nichols
Halloween (1978) John Carpenter
A Hard Day's Night (1964) Richard Lester
Intolerance (1916) D.W. Griffith
It's a Gift (1934) Norman Z. McLeod
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) Frank Capra
Jaws (1975) Steven Spielberg
The Lady Eve (1941) Preston Sturges
Lawrence of Arabia (1962) David Lean
M (1931) Fritz Lang (best serial killer ever)
Mad Max 2 / "The Road Warrior" (1981) George Miller
The Maltese Falcon (1941) John Huston
The Manchurian Candidate" (1962) John Frankenheimer
Metropolis" (1926) Fritz Lang
Modern Times (1936) Charles Chaplin
Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (1975) Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam
Nashville (1975) Robert Altman
The Night of the Hunter (1955) Charles Laughton
Night of the Living Dead (1968) George Romero
North by Northwest (1959) Alfred Hitchcock
Nosferatu" (1922) F.W. Murnau
On the Waterfront (1954) Elia Kazan
Once Upon a Time in the West" (1968) Sergio Leone
Out of the Past (1947) Jacques Tournier
Persona (1966) Ingmar Bergman
Pink Flamingos (1972) John Waters
Psycho (1960) Alfred Hitchcock
Pulp Fiction (1994) Quentin Tarantino
Rashomon (1950) Akira Kurosawa
Rear Window (1954) Alfred Hitchcock
Rebel Without a Cause (1955) Nicholas Ray
Red River (1948) Howard Hawks
Repulsion (1965) Roman Polanski
The Rules of the Game(1939) Jean Renoir
Scarface (1932) Howard Hawks
The Scarlet Empress (1934) Josef von Sternberg
Schindler's List (1993) Steven Spielberg
The Searchers (1956) John Ford
The Seven Samurai (1954) Akira Kurosawa
Singin' in the Rain (1952) Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly
Some Like It Hot (1959) Billy Wilder
A Star Is Born (1954) George Cukor
A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) Elia Kazan
Sunset Boulevard (1950) Billy Wilder
Taxi Driver (1976) Martin Scorsese
The Third Man (1949) Carol Reed
Tokyo Story (1953) Yasujiro Ozu
Touch of Evil (1958) Orson Welles
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) John Huston
Trouble in Paradise (1932) Ernst Lubitsch
Vertigo (1958) Alfred Hitchcock
West Side Story (1961) Jerome Robbins/Robert Wise
The Wild Bunch (1969) Sam Peckinpah
The Wizard of Oz (1939) Victor Fleming
Waiting, Waiting
I'm supposed to have 16 students in my class at NKU (starting with 24). Of them, only about ten have been attending regularly. I'm waiting for final papers and only have eight. Devilgirl whined about going to school today so I let her come along and she's tearing up the office as I write.
I'm supposed to have 16 students in my class at NKU (starting with 24). Of them, only about ten have been attending regularly. I'm waiting for final papers and only have eight. Devilgirl whined about going to school today so I let her come along and she's tearing up the office as I write.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
More Info Than You Ever Wanted to Know
I got this from Ron and spent a large chunk of my life filling it out:
MEME: 157 QUESTIONS (was supposed to be 200, but the people at Myspace apparently can't count)
1. My middle name is: Gregory
2. I was born on: March 27, 1968 when dinosaurs roamed the earth
3. I am: filling out a meme
4. My cell phone company is: cell phone-less
5. My eye color is: hazel/brown
6. My shoe size is: 14/15 (16 with skis)
7. My ring size is: back in high school when my mom insisted on getting me a class ring, I think it was 9. I think I wore it two times to make her happy but have never worn a ring since (except for skull, bat, or spider rings around Halloween)
8. My height is: it used to be six three, but as the disks in my back crumble, I’m getting progressively shorter
9. I am allergic to: cats and ash tree pollen
10. My bedtime: whenever all my work is done and Devilboy is asleep (2:30 last night)
11. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex is: they spend lots of money
12. I am glad I'm me because: that matches the name on my drivers license
13. It sucks that I'm me because: I have no sleep or money
14. If I could be anyone else for one day: a narcoleptic millionaire
15. My celebrity dream date is: the basis of a future episode of Divorce Court
16. My favorite day of the week is: Monday (my one day off)
17. My favorite color is: tangerine/puce
18. My favorite fairy tale is: The Children who Played Butcher
19. My favorite holiday is: Leif Erikson Day (no real favorite)
20. The perfect kiss is: the sole property and trademark of the Hershey’s Chocolate Company
21. The last CD's I bought: Dire Straits Brothers in Arms (Death, where is thy sting?)
22. Last song that made me cry was: “I Will Wait for You” (or whatever the name of the song on the Jurassic Bark episode of Futurama)
23. My most treasured possession(s) are: my stories and I’m obligated to say my kids
24. What did you do last night: got home from work, cleaned up the mess, read Midsummer Night’s Dream (for class), and took the dog out.
25. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): burn then tan
26. Last time you were at the beach: June 2000.
27. What kind of car do you drive: A Jeep Grand Cherokee SUV
28. Do you believe in Santa: If my kids are listening
29. Do you believe in love at first sight: If you mean physical attraction that blossoms into something more
30. Do you believe in luck: If you mean being on the plus side of a statistical event
31. Do you believe in fate: no
32. Do you believe in aliens: I believe in the possibility of aliens (which is pretty much how I believe in anything)
33. Do you believe in heaven: see above
34. Do you believe in hell: Did I mention I was married?
35. Do you believe in ghosts: Not in the traditional sense but I’m open to the possibility of some sort of psychic energy or force not yet detectable
36. Do you believe in horoscopes: at last, an unequivocal no
37. Do you believe in soulmates: you’d have to define soulmate
38. Do you believe in dinosaurs: How can you include dinosaurs in this crop of questions? It’s theoretically possible that dinosaurs are all an elaborate hoax but you could say that about WWII.
39. Do you believe in miracles: It depends what you mean by miracle
40. Do you believe in the death penalty: I’m pretty sure it exists (do I believe it’s morally acceptable? in limited circumstances
41. Hugs or kisses: I’m going to fall back to the chocolate joke and say both
42. Drunk or High: drunk in the past tense
43. Phone or Online: online
44. Red Hair or Black Hair: for me, black; for wife, red
45. Mohawk or Mullet: uh, male pattern baldness
46. Hot or Cold: cold
47. Summer or Winter: winter
48. Coffee or Tea: me
49. Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
50. Night or Day: night
51. Oranges or Apples: I don’t look this way from eating healthy
52. Curly or Straight Hair: straight for me; curly for wife53. Gloves or Mittens: gloves
54. Abortion: If I ran the circus, I’d spend as much on birth control R&D as the current crew spend on Iraq. If I could put it in the drinking water like Brave New World, I would. My goal would be no abortions or unplanned pregnacies in general. But I wouldn’t make abortion illegal or restricted.
55. Backstabbers: uh, are bad (is anyone pro-backstabbery?)
56. Parents: I guess I’m pro-parents
57. Children: very noisy, destructive, and expensive
58. Animals: the sensible alternative to children. They’re also good to eat
59. Leashes for kids: I have one for Devilboy but have never used it yet
60. School: I wish I were back
61. Life: if it’s so great, how do you explain the stunning success of the virus?
62. Bangs: I’m honestly not sure what exactly bangs are in hair style.
63. The name Bernard: good for a large breed of dogs
64. Beer Pong: at UC, I got to the semi-finals in intermural Ping Pong and consistently placed well in Chug Offs but I never saw the need to combine the two
65. Alcohol: God, I miss it
66. PDAs: I’m too old to know what this means
67. Last time I kissed someone: Earlier today
68. Last time I hugged someone: Earlier today
69. Seen someone I haven't seen in awhile: No one comes to mind. I did just see an old picture of my wife’s dead cat today.
70. Missed someone: I’m going to have to make an obligatory snow ball fight joke
71. Grew: ear, nose, and facial hair
72. Drew a smiley face: I can’t remember
73. Ate something: about half an hour ago when Devilboy and I had chicken tenders
74. Took a Shower: this morning
75. Tripped Over Something: last night at the deli
76. Saw a play or movie: (#82 makes me think that this includes anything on DVD) within the last couple days
76. Read a book: last night
77. Traveled: in 2001 when I went to Context in Columbus
78. Filled out a survey: since this is defined as a survey in question 178, now
79. Who's the ditziest person I know: probably my stepdaughter
80. Who makes you laugh the most: all in all, Devilboy
81. One thing I'm mad about now is: Devilboy is spitting popsicle juice after I steam cleaned the carpet today
82. The last movie I saw in the theater was: Fellowship of the Ring, five years ago or so
83. The thing I don't understand is: there are many, many things
84. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever recieved (sic) was: on a poetry test
85. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: it’s been too long to remember
86. This summer: I will probably work nights at the deli
87. Something I really miss when I leave home: this question was not written with me in mind
88. The thing I'm looking forward to the most: sleep
89. Tomorrow: I’ll show Midsummer Night’s Dream in class
90. Today: I didn’t have to work but watched Devilboy
91. Next Summer: I have no idea
92. Next Week: NKU will be over
93. This Weekend: I’ll pick up final papers at NKU
94. Next Weekend: I’ll finish grading
95. People Call me: on the phone
96. The Last Thing I Bought: Chicken tenders, a case of diet Pepsi, a box of Cascade, a half-price off bag of Easter candy, an Eye-Spy book (for Devilboy), and a toy car (for Devilboy)
97. My favorite place to shop is: I don’t like shopping
98. In my wallet I carry: so many cards and crap that I’m not going to bother listing them all
99. The person who knows about the most about me: I’m an enigma
100. The person that can read me the best is: no one stands out
101. The most difficult thing to do is: that which is physically impossible
102. I have gotten a speeding ticket: when I was 19
103. I have the following siblings: Jane and Chrissy
104. Something about my siblings: Jane lives in Tennessee; Chrissy is expecting a baby
105. My Zodiac Sign: the ram
106. Brand of Computer: Hewlett Packard
107. The one person who can't hide things from me: I draw a complete blank...the Penguin?
108. Cook or Eat Out: eat out
109. Right now I am talking to: Devilboy
110. I wish I were talking to: the guy who hands out lottery winnings
111. Favorite Vacation Spot: same as question 85
112. I have a job at: UC Clermont, NKU, and the Kroger deli
113. I have these pets: a dog, seven hamsters, and a fish
114. I hope: I make enough to quit the deli
115. The worst sound in the world: would be inaudible in space
116. The person that makes me cry the most is: Devilboy
117. The last time you cried: when watching the “Jurassic Bark”
118. Why did you cry: because I was half-mad with sleep deprivation
119. Favorite Food: chocolate covered cashews
120. Favorite Breakfast Food: chocolate covered cashews
121. Favorite Lunch Food: chocolate covered cashews
122. Favorite Dinner Food: chocolate covered cashews
123. Favorite Dessert: chocolate covered cashews
124. Favorite Drink: real Cherry Coke
125. Florida or Hawaii: Florida
126. North or South Pole: South
127. My favorite piece of clothing: anything that’s clean
128. My favorite sport to play is: Minesweeper
129. My favorite sport to watch is: pole-dancing
130. My favorite sports figure: that guy from the April’s fools issue of Sports Illustrated who was supposed to be able to throw a 130-mph fastball
131. The school I went to: Walnut Hills then UC
132. Last person I got mad at was: Devilboy (see #81)
133. Worst Drinking Experience: getting tossed out of a bar/arrested/taking my shorts off, throwing up in them, and carrying it home (although now it seems strangely appealing)
134. All Time Best Song: “Timothy” by the Buoys (“Joe said that he would sell his soul for just. . . a piece . . . of meat.”)
135. All Time Best Band: I can’t decide and I’m losing interest in this
136. All Time Best Painting: Salador Dali’s Corpus Hypercubus
137. All Time Best Movie: Satyricon (you have to wait for the ending)
138. All Time Best Thing In The World: zinc
139. What tattoo would you like and where: I like tattoos on other people
140. Most annoying person I know is: too many to pick
141. I lose all respect for people: all the time
142. The movies I have cried at: usually involve dogs (My Dog Skip for instances)
143. I have a scar: my most prominent scars are from my dog biting me on the shoulder and when he yanked his leash and caused me to jam my fingers in the opening mechanism of a gate (they would have to ask those questions back to back)
144. The last time I skinned my knees was: I was cleaning the carpets and tried to scrub out a stain. The chemicals ate through the skin of my kneecaps and disolved the leg hair in a larger circle around the wounds.
145. My hidden talent: is well hidden
146. I have a craving for: sleep
147. The worst pain I was ever in was: physically, probably having my wisdom teeth out
148. My favorite quote: “Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies for instance.” John Ruskins (not really my favorite but the best I could come up with.
149. My room is: nonexistent--I’m married.
150. I love: all that is good
151. I hate: the Care Bears
152. My life: is more than statistically half over
153. My weakness: multi-tasking
154. What I look for in a mate: I might not be the best person to ask
155. Who broke your heart: My dog Snoozer when he died
156. I filled out this survey: on a computer
157. Name the one person you trust the most: Devilboy. . .I trust him to destroy in mindless rampages.
I got this from Ron and spent a large chunk of my life filling it out:
MEME: 157 QUESTIONS (was supposed to be 200, but the people at Myspace apparently can't count)
1. My middle name is: Gregory
2. I was born on: March 27, 1968 when dinosaurs roamed the earth
3. I am: filling out a meme
4. My cell phone company is: cell phone-less
5. My eye color is: hazel/brown
6. My shoe size is: 14/15 (16 with skis)
7. My ring size is: back in high school when my mom insisted on getting me a class ring, I think it was 9. I think I wore it two times to make her happy but have never worn a ring since (except for skull, bat, or spider rings around Halloween)
8. My height is: it used to be six three, but as the disks in my back crumble, I’m getting progressively shorter
9. I am allergic to: cats and ash tree pollen
10. My bedtime: whenever all my work is done and Devilboy is asleep (2:30 last night)
11. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex is: they spend lots of money
12. I am glad I'm me because: that matches the name on my drivers license
13. It sucks that I'm me because: I have no sleep or money
14. If I could be anyone else for one day: a narcoleptic millionaire
15. My celebrity dream date is: the basis of a future episode of Divorce Court
16. My favorite day of the week is: Monday (my one day off)
17. My favorite color is: tangerine/puce
18. My favorite fairy tale is: The Children who Played Butcher
19. My favorite holiday is: Leif Erikson Day (no real favorite)
20. The perfect kiss is: the sole property and trademark of the Hershey’s Chocolate Company
21. The last CD's I bought: Dire Straits Brothers in Arms (Death, where is thy sting?)
22. Last song that made me cry was: “I Will Wait for You” (or whatever the name of the song on the Jurassic Bark episode of Futurama)
23. My most treasured possession(s) are: my stories and I’m obligated to say my kids
24. What did you do last night: got home from work, cleaned up the mess, read Midsummer Night’s Dream (for class), and took the dog out.
25. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): burn then tan
26. Last time you were at the beach: June 2000.
27. What kind of car do you drive: A Jeep Grand Cherokee SUV
28. Do you believe in Santa: If my kids are listening
29. Do you believe in love at first sight: If you mean physical attraction that blossoms into something more
30. Do you believe in luck: If you mean being on the plus side of a statistical event
31. Do you believe in fate: no
32. Do you believe in aliens: I believe in the possibility of aliens (which is pretty much how I believe in anything)
33. Do you believe in heaven: see above
34. Do you believe in hell: Did I mention I was married?
35. Do you believe in ghosts: Not in the traditional sense but I’m open to the possibility of some sort of psychic energy or force not yet detectable
36. Do you believe in horoscopes: at last, an unequivocal no
37. Do you believe in soulmates: you’d have to define soulmate
38. Do you believe in dinosaurs: How can you include dinosaurs in this crop of questions? It’s theoretically possible that dinosaurs are all an elaborate hoax but you could say that about WWII.
39. Do you believe in miracles: It depends what you mean by miracle
40. Do you believe in the death penalty: I’m pretty sure it exists (do I believe it’s morally acceptable? in limited circumstances
41. Hugs or kisses: I’m going to fall back to the chocolate joke and say both
42. Drunk or High: drunk in the past tense
43. Phone or Online: online
44. Red Hair or Black Hair: for me, black; for wife, red
45. Mohawk or Mullet: uh, male pattern baldness
46. Hot or Cold: cold
47. Summer or Winter: winter
48. Coffee or Tea: me
49. Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
50. Night or Day: night
51. Oranges or Apples: I don’t look this way from eating healthy
52. Curly or Straight Hair: straight for me; curly for wife53. Gloves or Mittens: gloves
54. Abortion: If I ran the circus, I’d spend as much on birth control R&D as the current crew spend on Iraq. If I could put it in the drinking water like Brave New World, I would. My goal would be no abortions or unplanned pregnacies in general. But I wouldn’t make abortion illegal or restricted.
55. Backstabbers: uh, are bad (is anyone pro-backstabbery?)
56. Parents: I guess I’m pro-parents
57. Children: very noisy, destructive, and expensive
58. Animals: the sensible alternative to children. They’re also good to eat
59. Leashes for kids: I have one for Devilboy but have never used it yet
60. School: I wish I were back
61. Life: if it’s so great, how do you explain the stunning success of the virus?
62. Bangs: I’m honestly not sure what exactly bangs are in hair style.
63. The name Bernard: good for a large breed of dogs
64. Beer Pong: at UC, I got to the semi-finals in intermural Ping Pong and consistently placed well in Chug Offs but I never saw the need to combine the two
65. Alcohol: God, I miss it
66. PDAs: I’m too old to know what this means
67. Last time I kissed someone: Earlier today
68. Last time I hugged someone: Earlier today
69. Seen someone I haven't seen in awhile: No one comes to mind. I did just see an old picture of my wife’s dead cat today.
70. Missed someone: I’m going to have to make an obligatory snow ball fight joke
71. Grew: ear, nose, and facial hair
72. Drew a smiley face: I can’t remember
73. Ate something: about half an hour ago when Devilboy and I had chicken tenders
74. Took a Shower: this morning
75. Tripped Over Something: last night at the deli
76. Saw a play or movie: (#82 makes me think that this includes anything on DVD) within the last couple days
76. Read a book: last night
77. Traveled: in 2001 when I went to Context in Columbus
78. Filled out a survey: since this is defined as a survey in question 178, now
79. Who's the ditziest person I know: probably my stepdaughter
80. Who makes you laugh the most: all in all, Devilboy
81. One thing I'm mad about now is: Devilboy is spitting popsicle juice after I steam cleaned the carpet today
82. The last movie I saw in the theater was: Fellowship of the Ring, five years ago or so
83. The thing I don't understand is: there are many, many things
84. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever recieved (sic) was: on a poetry test
85. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: it’s been too long to remember
86. This summer: I will probably work nights at the deli
87. Something I really miss when I leave home: this question was not written with me in mind
88. The thing I'm looking forward to the most: sleep
89. Tomorrow: I’ll show Midsummer Night’s Dream in class
90. Today: I didn’t have to work but watched Devilboy
91. Next Summer: I have no idea
92. Next Week: NKU will be over
93. This Weekend: I’ll pick up final papers at NKU
94. Next Weekend: I’ll finish grading
95. People Call me: on the phone
96. The Last Thing I Bought: Chicken tenders, a case of diet Pepsi, a box of Cascade, a half-price off bag of Easter candy, an Eye-Spy book (for Devilboy), and a toy car (for Devilboy)
97. My favorite place to shop is: I don’t like shopping
98. In my wallet I carry: so many cards and crap that I’m not going to bother listing them all
99. The person who knows about the most about me: I’m an enigma
100. The person that can read me the best is: no one stands out
101. The most difficult thing to do is: that which is physically impossible
102. I have gotten a speeding ticket: when I was 19
103. I have the following siblings: Jane and Chrissy
104. Something about my siblings: Jane lives in Tennessee; Chrissy is expecting a baby
105. My Zodiac Sign: the ram
106. Brand of Computer: Hewlett Packard
107. The one person who can't hide things from me: I draw a complete blank...the Penguin?
108. Cook or Eat Out: eat out
109. Right now I am talking to: Devilboy
110. I wish I were talking to: the guy who hands out lottery winnings
111. Favorite Vacation Spot: same as question 85
112. I have a job at: UC Clermont, NKU, and the Kroger deli
113. I have these pets: a dog, seven hamsters, and a fish
114. I hope: I make enough to quit the deli
115. The worst sound in the world: would be inaudible in space
116. The person that makes me cry the most is: Devilboy
117. The last time you cried: when watching the “Jurassic Bark”
118. Why did you cry: because I was half-mad with sleep deprivation
119. Favorite Food: chocolate covered cashews
120. Favorite Breakfast Food: chocolate covered cashews
121. Favorite Lunch Food: chocolate covered cashews
122. Favorite Dinner Food: chocolate covered cashews
123. Favorite Dessert: chocolate covered cashews
124. Favorite Drink: real Cherry Coke
125. Florida or Hawaii: Florida
126. North or South Pole: South
127. My favorite piece of clothing: anything that’s clean
128. My favorite sport to play is: Minesweeper
129. My favorite sport to watch is: pole-dancing
130. My favorite sports figure: that guy from the April’s fools issue of Sports Illustrated who was supposed to be able to throw a 130-mph fastball
131. The school I went to: Walnut Hills then UC
132. Last person I got mad at was: Devilboy (see #81)
133. Worst Drinking Experience: getting tossed out of a bar/arrested/taking my shorts off, throwing up in them, and carrying it home (although now it seems strangely appealing)
134. All Time Best Song: “Timothy” by the Buoys (“Joe said that he would sell his soul for just. . . a piece . . . of meat.”)
135. All Time Best Band: I can’t decide and I’m losing interest in this
136. All Time Best Painting: Salador Dali’s Corpus Hypercubus
137. All Time Best Movie: Satyricon (you have to wait for the ending)
138. All Time Best Thing In The World: zinc
139. What tattoo would you like and where: I like tattoos on other people
140. Most annoying person I know is: too many to pick
141. I lose all respect for people: all the time
142. The movies I have cried at: usually involve dogs (My Dog Skip for instances)
143. I have a scar: my most prominent scars are from my dog biting me on the shoulder and when he yanked his leash and caused me to jam my fingers in the opening mechanism of a gate (they would have to ask those questions back to back)
144. The last time I skinned my knees was: I was cleaning the carpets and tried to scrub out a stain. The chemicals ate through the skin of my kneecaps and disolved the leg hair in a larger circle around the wounds.
145. My hidden talent: is well hidden
146. I have a craving for: sleep
147. The worst pain I was ever in was: physically, probably having my wisdom teeth out
148. My favorite quote: “Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless, peacocks and lilies for instance.” John Ruskins (not really my favorite but the best I could come up with.
149. My room is: nonexistent--I’m married.
150. I love: all that is good
151. I hate: the Care Bears
152. My life: is more than statistically half over
153. My weakness: multi-tasking
154. What I look for in a mate: I might not be the best person to ask
155. Who broke your heart: My dog Snoozer when he died
156. I filled out this survey: on a computer
157. Name the one person you trust the most: Devilboy. . .I trust him to destroy in mindless rampages.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Shark Petting
If this is true, he puts Timothy Treadwell to shame.
In the book Devil's Teeth, a great white shark researcher strokes a shark as it swims by, but this doesn't look particularly scientific.
Here's something more sane--whale saving.
If this is true, he puts Timothy Treadwell to shame.
In the book Devil's Teeth, a great white shark researcher strokes a shark as it swims by, but this doesn't look particularly scientific.
Here's something more sane--whale saving.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Why I Hate California
I guess two words say it best: Orange County.
Nothing but good feelings towards the rest of the state. San Francisco and L.A. have deeply troubled municipal codes but I'm overall positive about them, the general people of California, and the state as a whole.
Californian city officials and politicians do stink. Sure, they stink all over but California gave Nixon, Bob Dornan, and Reagan. I'm sure some of the city officials are perfectly nice people but the ones I dealt with were complete idiots (which is fairly common) but they were proud of being idiots. Here's a few examples of what I had to deal with:
9.12.545. Amerige Park Carnivals prohibited.
No person shall use Amerige Park for any carnival, circus, tent show, fair, rodeo, horse show, elephant race or similar activity, or for any ferris wheel, merry go round, or other mechanical device for amusement rides. (Ord. 1440, § 1, 1965).
(Fullerton, CA--included in the Index as "elephant races")
Ordinance 2001-05, § 4, 3-27-2001
D. Location of Drive-Thru Window. The drive-thru window shall be located on the same side as the driver's side of the car.
(Monrovia, California)
There's more. Lots and lots more. I don't think you have to be considered an economic conservative to think that maybe Adam Smith's invisible hand would clear up any problems with elephant races and passenger side drive-thru windows. In most states, including North Carolina (but not Indiana), a municipality upon reviewing obviously outdated provisions would agree to rescind them or at least not include them in a basic municipal code, saving taxpayers a bundle.
Californian city officials wanted everything. Yes, Massachusetts does the same thing but in Massachusetts, most of the outdated stuff has a real history. California keeps spewing this out nonstop.
In California's defense, it's home to over a tenth of the U.S. population, is geographically a huge state, is diverse in population and industry, has a constant influx of out-of-towners moving in, and has changed national governments a number of times. This is true of Florida and Texas but the cities I dealt with were quick to point out, "Dang, we're stupid." Just admitting the problems eased things with me. And for the record, the Bush boys are not Texans or Floridians--they're Connecticut millionaires who set up shop in states without an income tax.
Carmel, Indiana, was worse than all California and the rest of the country combined (with the exception of Monroe, North Carolina, the home town of Jesse Helms). These were the two worst municipalities in the nation and, right or wrong, prejudiced me towards their states. Actually Rising Sun and Lawrenceburg (both with casinos) were good to work with but my limited experience with the rest of Indiana and North Carolina wasn't good. No state, not even Texas, willfully ignores the Constitution like Indiana.
Unlike Nathan, I will defend Ohio on one level--they paid really well. Bowling Green, Ohio, still has Section 139.02
Notice, it's illegal to mistreat the flag of Ohio. Ask the next ten people from Ohio what shape the state flag is and see how many get it right (hint: it's not rectangular).
Kentucky and Illinois were my two favorite states. Kentucky didn't pay very well but they realized that despite being near to larger states, there's no reason to over-regulate themselves at tax-payers expense. (This is on paper--in real life, the state government is incredibly corrupt.)
Same is true of Illinois but once I screwed over the people of a small town in Illinois and have felt bad about it ever since.
I noticed that two ordinances from the town--a utility rate increase and something else--had the same number and passage date so I called the town clerk to see what was the matter. Unlike a clerk in Indiana, she didn't blame me for the problem but was incredibly apologetic and shortly found out what had happened. During a meeting, the council passed the rate increase but somehow forgot about it and passed another unrelated ordinance and used the same number, effectively erasing the rate increase from their records. When I pointed out the problem, they put the increase in action and possibly, I never found out, made the citizens pay for the months it should have been issued.
Somewhere in Illinois, some poor bastard has a huge utility bill and I'm to blame. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I wish it had happened to Carmel.
I guess two words say it best: Orange County.
Nothing but good feelings towards the rest of the state. San Francisco and L.A. have deeply troubled municipal codes but I'm overall positive about them, the general people of California, and the state as a whole.
Californian city officials and politicians do stink. Sure, they stink all over but California gave Nixon, Bob Dornan, and Reagan. I'm sure some of the city officials are perfectly nice people but the ones I dealt with were complete idiots (which is fairly common) but they were proud of being idiots. Here's a few examples of what I had to deal with:
9.12.545. Amerige Park Carnivals prohibited.
No person shall use Amerige Park for any carnival, circus, tent show, fair, rodeo, horse show, elephant race or similar activity, or for any ferris wheel, merry go round, or other mechanical device for amusement rides. (Ord. 1440, § 1, 1965).
(Fullerton, CA--included in the Index as "elephant races")
Ordinance 2001-05, § 4, 3-27-2001
D. Location of Drive-Thru Window. The drive-thru window shall be located on the same side as the driver's side of the car.
(Monrovia, California)
There's more. Lots and lots more. I don't think you have to be considered an economic conservative to think that maybe Adam Smith's invisible hand would clear up any problems with elephant races and passenger side drive-thru windows. In most states, including North Carolina (but not Indiana), a municipality upon reviewing obviously outdated provisions would agree to rescind them or at least not include them in a basic municipal code, saving taxpayers a bundle.
Californian city officials wanted everything. Yes, Massachusetts does the same thing but in Massachusetts, most of the outdated stuff has a real history. California keeps spewing this out nonstop.
In California's defense, it's home to over a tenth of the U.S. population, is geographically a huge state, is diverse in population and industry, has a constant influx of out-of-towners moving in, and has changed national governments a number of times. This is true of Florida and Texas but the cities I dealt with were quick to point out, "Dang, we're stupid." Just admitting the problems eased things with me. And for the record, the Bush boys are not Texans or Floridians--they're Connecticut millionaires who set up shop in states without an income tax.
Carmel, Indiana, was worse than all California and the rest of the country combined (with the exception of Monroe, North Carolina, the home town of Jesse Helms). These were the two worst municipalities in the nation and, right or wrong, prejudiced me towards their states. Actually Rising Sun and Lawrenceburg (both with casinos) were good to work with but my limited experience with the rest of Indiana and North Carolina wasn't good. No state, not even Texas, willfully ignores the Constitution like Indiana.
Unlike Nathan, I will defend Ohio on one level--they paid really well. Bowling Green, Ohio, still has Section 139.02
(A) No person, without privilege to do so, shall purposely deface, damage, pollute, or otherwise physically mistreat any of the following:
(1) The flag of the United States or of this state;
(2) Any public monument;
(3) Any historical or commemorative marker, or any structure, Indian mound or earthwork, cemetery, thing, or site of great historical or archaeological interest;
(4) A place of worship, its furnishings, or religious artifacts or sacred texts within the place of worship or within the grounds upon which the place of worship is located;
(5) A work of art or museum piece;
(6) Any other object of reverence or sacred devotion.
Notice, it's illegal to mistreat the flag of Ohio. Ask the next ten people from Ohio what shape the state flag is and see how many get it right (hint: it's not rectangular).
Kentucky and Illinois were my two favorite states. Kentucky didn't pay very well but they realized that despite being near to larger states, there's no reason to over-regulate themselves at tax-payers expense. (This is on paper--in real life, the state government is incredibly corrupt.)
Same is true of Illinois but once I screwed over the people of a small town in Illinois and have felt bad about it ever since.
I noticed that two ordinances from the town--a utility rate increase and something else--had the same number and passage date so I called the town clerk to see what was the matter. Unlike a clerk in Indiana, she didn't blame me for the problem but was incredibly apologetic and shortly found out what had happened. During a meeting, the council passed the rate increase but somehow forgot about it and passed another unrelated ordinance and used the same number, effectively erasing the rate increase from their records. When I pointed out the problem, they put the increase in action and possibly, I never found out, made the citizens pay for the months it should have been issued.
Somewhere in Illinois, some poor bastard has a huge utility bill and I'm to blame. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I wish it had happened to Carmel.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Worst States
Moved from an insanely long comment, my list of worst states (and Florida doesn't even make the cut):
1. North Carolina--idiots, racists, very screwy state laws. In the 1990s, one municipality still had a curfew exclusively for black males on the books (to their credit, they didn't seem aware of it and immediately repealed it when notified).
2. Indiana--no offense to Wes but Indiana is surrounded by much larger states and state legislators somehow think that Hoosiers need as many state regulations as Illinois, Ohio, or Michigan. This makes their legal system unnecessarily bulky and complicated. Plus, they're all idiots, especially everyone in Carmel.
3. Idaho--I've only had minimal dealing with Idaho but it's been all bad.
4. Wyoming--same as above.
5. California--big states with big populations, multiple climates and landscapes, a wide range of industries, and several national governments have loony state laws. Texas, under Spain, France, Mexico, itself, the CSA, and the USA, has law books that read the junior jumble. But Texans practically fall over themselves apologizing for the problems. To a lesser extent (but less of an initial problem) so do Floridians.
Californian politicians and governmental employees take a perverse pride in the terrible way they run the state. Half of the L.A. charter is devoted to police and firefighter pensions (important, but why in the charter? And why half the provisions of the charter?) San Francisco once paid to change every instance of "he" to "he or she" in its 17 volume set of municipal law even though "he" was already legally defined to include masculine and feminine uses. (On the brighter side, it was the easiest and most profitable legal publishing job in history.)
6. Georgia and Tennessee (tie)--no professional experience with them but just driving through is enough.
7. Mississippi--I wouldn't mind it so much if it didn't suck down tax money the rate it does.
8. Arkansas--Once was enough. Bill Clinton really was the best person ever to come out of this state and I hate him.
9. Oklahoma--all the nitwits of Texas without any reasons to rationalize them.
10. Oregon--sure, they love trees but dealing with their officials is almost as bad as the Hoosiers (but, in fairness, not as bad as the Tarheels). Plus, they don't let you pump your own gas.
Yeah, technically that's 11 but I really wanted to include Oregon. Where's New York? I've never had to deal with New York so I couldn't conscientiously include it.
Moved from an insanely long comment, my list of worst states (and Florida doesn't even make the cut):
1. North Carolina--idiots, racists, very screwy state laws. In the 1990s, one municipality still had a curfew exclusively for black males on the books (to their credit, they didn't seem aware of it and immediately repealed it when notified).
2. Indiana--no offense to Wes but Indiana is surrounded by much larger states and state legislators somehow think that Hoosiers need as many state regulations as Illinois, Ohio, or Michigan. This makes their legal system unnecessarily bulky and complicated. Plus, they're all idiots, especially everyone in Carmel.
3. Idaho--I've only had minimal dealing with Idaho but it's been all bad.
4. Wyoming--same as above.
5. California--big states with big populations, multiple climates and landscapes, a wide range of industries, and several national governments have loony state laws. Texas, under Spain, France, Mexico, itself, the CSA, and the USA, has law books that read the junior jumble. But Texans practically fall over themselves apologizing for the problems. To a lesser extent (but less of an initial problem) so do Floridians.
Californian politicians and governmental employees take a perverse pride in the terrible way they run the state. Half of the L.A. charter is devoted to police and firefighter pensions (important, but why in the charter? And why half the provisions of the charter?) San Francisco once paid to change every instance of "he" to "he or she" in its 17 volume set of municipal law even though "he" was already legally defined to include masculine and feminine uses. (On the brighter side, it was the easiest and most profitable legal publishing job in history.)
6. Georgia and Tennessee (tie)--no professional experience with them but just driving through is enough.
7. Mississippi--I wouldn't mind it so much if it didn't suck down tax money the rate it does.
8. Arkansas--Once was enough. Bill Clinton really was the best person ever to come out of this state and I hate him.
9. Oklahoma--all the nitwits of Texas without any reasons to rationalize them.
10. Oregon--sure, they love trees but dealing with their officials is almost as bad as the Hoosiers (but, in fairness, not as bad as the Tarheels). Plus, they don't let you pump your own gas.
Yeah, technically that's 11 but I really wanted to include Oregon. Where's New York? I've never had to deal with New York so I couldn't conscientiously include it.
My Municipal Codes
This is a partial list (I lost part of my files) of the municipal codes I worked on over the years. Some (like Pompano Beach, Florida), I worked on repeatedly). Others only once. I know I edited one Alaskan code but I have no record of it. From my memory of it, the code was easy-going, straightforward, nothing blatantly unconstitutional--in other words, the anti-Indiana.
These experiences heavily influenced my worst states list.
Arkansas (1)
Whitehall
Arizona (1)
Yuma
California (11)
Alhambra
Antioch
Baldwin Park
Corona
Culver City
Eureka
Fullerton
Madera
Monrovia
Ontario
Santa Paula
Florida (8)
Boynton Beach
Kissimmee
Lake Mary
Manalapan
Pembroke Pines
Pompano Beach
Weston
Zephyrhills
Illinois (37)
Cahokia
Carol Stream
Catlin
Channahon
Chatham
Coal City
Crest Hill
Danville
Du Quoin
Frankfort
Grayville
Henry Co
Hoopeston
Huntley
Kewanee
Lewistown
Lockport
Mackinaw
Matteson
Millstadt
Mishawaka
O'Fallon
Orland Hills
Palos Hts
Peru
Pittsfield
Polo
Riverdale
Sauk Village
South Elgin
Sparta
Tuscola
Union
Washington
Will Co
Wilmette
Winthrop Harbor
Indiana (29)
Anderson
Ashley
Bedford
Beech Grove
Boonville
Carmel
Cass Co
Cicero
Connersville
Crawfordville
Crown Point
Dunkirk
Dyer
Fort Wayne
Greenburg
Greenfield
Huntington
Kokomo
Lake Co.
Mishawaka
Monticello
Mt. Vernon
Nashville
Sellersburg
Sheridan
Shipshewana
Summitville
Upland
Woodburn
Kansas (1)
Hutchinson
Kentucky (17)
Anchorage
Beaver Dam
Boone Co.
Bullit Co.
Covington
Falmouth
Florence
Forest Hills
Fort Thomas
Grant Co.
Hopkinsville
Jackson
Jefferson Co.
Lebanon
Morganfield
Richmond
Taylor Mill
Louisana (1)
Wisner
Michigan (7)
Bangor
Croswell
Ferrysburg
Mt. Pleasant
Saugatuck
White Cloud
White Hall
Minnesota (1)
Hinckley
Missouri (1)
St. Charles
North Carolina (16)
Asheboro
Biscoe
Boone
Caswell Beach
Clayton
Clemmons
Davie Co.
Franklinton
Gibsonville
Goldsboro
Holden Beach
Monroe
Plymouth
Sims
Southern Pines
Windsor
North Dakota (1)
Cavalier
New Mexico (1)
Albuquerque
Ohio (10)
Archbold
Batavia
Beach City
Beavercreek
Bowling Green
Breckville
Jefferson
Mariemont
Newcomerstown
Reading
Oklahoma (1)
Woodward
Oregon (3)
Dallas
Ontario
Seaside
Pennslyvania (1)
Pittsburgh
South Carolina (2)
Camden
Mt. Pleasant
Texas (20)
Austin
Borger
Burkburnett
Canyon
Cleburne
Corinth
Cuero
Fairview
Freeport
Greenville
Gun Barrel City
Harker Heights
Hitchcock
Kermit
Kirby
Lacy-Lakeview
Mansfield
Murphy
Runaway Bay
West Virginia (1)
Weisner
This is a partial list (I lost part of my files) of the municipal codes I worked on over the years. Some (like Pompano Beach, Florida), I worked on repeatedly). Others only once. I know I edited one Alaskan code but I have no record of it. From my memory of it, the code was easy-going, straightforward, nothing blatantly unconstitutional--in other words, the anti-Indiana.
These experiences heavily influenced my worst states list.
Arkansas (1)
Whitehall
Arizona (1)
Yuma
California (11)
Alhambra
Antioch
Baldwin Park
Corona
Culver City
Eureka
Fullerton
Madera
Monrovia
Ontario
Santa Paula
Florida (8)
Boynton Beach
Kissimmee
Lake Mary
Manalapan
Pembroke Pines
Pompano Beach
Weston
Zephyrhills
Illinois (37)
Cahokia
Carol Stream
Catlin
Channahon
Chatham
Coal City
Crest Hill
Danville
Du Quoin
Frankfort
Grayville
Henry Co
Hoopeston
Huntley
Kewanee
Lewistown
Lockport
Mackinaw
Matteson
Millstadt
Mishawaka
O'Fallon
Orland Hills
Palos Hts
Peru
Pittsfield
Polo
Riverdale
Sauk Village
South Elgin
Sparta
Tuscola
Union
Washington
Will Co
Wilmette
Winthrop Harbor
Indiana (29)
Anderson
Ashley
Bedford
Beech Grove
Boonville
Carmel
Cass Co
Cicero
Connersville
Crawfordville
Crown Point
Dunkirk
Dyer
Fort Wayne
Greenburg
Greenfield
Huntington
Kokomo
Lake Co.
Mishawaka
Monticello
Mt. Vernon
Nashville
Sellersburg
Sheridan
Shipshewana
Summitville
Upland
Woodburn
Kansas (1)
Hutchinson
Kentucky (17)
Anchorage
Beaver Dam
Boone Co.
Bullit Co.
Covington
Falmouth
Florence
Forest Hills
Fort Thomas
Grant Co.
Hopkinsville
Jackson
Jefferson Co.
Lebanon
Morganfield
Richmond
Taylor Mill
Louisana (1)
Wisner
Michigan (7)
Bangor
Croswell
Ferrysburg
Mt. Pleasant
Saugatuck
White Cloud
White Hall
Minnesota (1)
Hinckley
Missouri (1)
St. Charles
North Carolina (16)
Asheboro
Biscoe
Boone
Caswell Beach
Clayton
Clemmons
Davie Co.
Franklinton
Gibsonville
Goldsboro
Holden Beach
Monroe
Plymouth
Sims
Southern Pines
Windsor
North Dakota (1)
Cavalier
New Mexico (1)
Albuquerque
Ohio (10)
Archbold
Batavia
Beach City
Beavercreek
Bowling Green
Breckville
Jefferson
Mariemont
Newcomerstown
Reading
Oklahoma (1)
Woodward
Oregon (3)
Dallas
Ontario
Seaside
Pennslyvania (1)
Pittsburgh
South Carolina (2)
Camden
Mt. Pleasant
Texas (20)
Austin
Borger
Burkburnett
Canyon
Cleburne
Corinth
Cuero
Fairview
Freeport
Greenville
Gun Barrel City
Harker Heights
Hitchcock
Kermit
Kirby
Lacy-Lakeview
Mansfield
Murphy
Runaway Bay
West Virginia (1)
Weisner
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Down South
Here's some news from where my parents live:
Naked girls moon motorists; mother arrested; alcohol believed a factor
Cat target
Brass buckles
This is actually miles south but ughh
This is a little south too
Here's some news from where my parents live:
Naked girls moon motorists; mother arrested; alcohol believed a factor
Cat target
Brass buckles
This is actually miles south but ughh
This is a little south too
Witches to Disrupt American Policy
On May 5, a global-conspiracy of witches (or this) is planning to thwart American destiny.
Actually I just wanted to write "thwart."
On May 5, a global-conspiracy of witches (or this) is planning to thwart American destiny.
Actually I just wanted to write "thwart."
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Top Fantasy
According to David Pringle's 100 Best Modern Fantasy:
Titus Groan, Mervyn Peake
World of Ptath, A.E. van Vogt
The Well of the Unicorn, Fletcher Pratt
Darker Than You Think, Jack Williamson
Seven Days in New Crete, Robert Graves
Silverlock, John Myers Myers
The Castle of Iron, L. Sprague de Camp and Fletcher Pratt
Conan the Conqueror, Robert E. Howard
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis
Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
The Dying Earth, Jack Vance
The Sound of His Horn, Sarban
Conjure Wife, Fritz Leiber
The Sinful Ones, Fritz Leiber
The Broken Sword, Poul Anderson
The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien
Pincher Martin, William Golding
The Shrinking Man, Richard Matheson
Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury (I can remember reading it but can't remember what it was about)
The Once and Future King, T.E. White
The Unpleasant Profession of Jonathon Hoag, Robert Heinlein
The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson
Titus Alone, Merlyn Peake
A Fine and Private Place, Peter S. Beagle
Three Hearts and Three Lions, Poul Anderson
The Girl, the Gold Watch, and Everything, John D. MacDonald
Glory Road, Robert A. Heinlein
Witch World, Andre Norton Same as Bradbury. I can remember the cover but not the story.
The Magus, John Fowles
Stormbringer, Micheal Moorecock
The Crying of Lot 49, Thomas Pynchon
Day of the Minotaur, Thomas Burnett Swann
The Eyes of the Overworld, Jack Vance
The Owl Service, Alan Garner
Rosemary’s Baby, Ira Levin
The Third Policeman, Flann O’Brien
Gog, Andrew Sinclair
The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle
A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. LeGuin
The Swords of Lankhmar, Fritz Leiber
Black Easter and The Day After Judgement, James Blish
The Green Man, Kingsley Amis
The Phoenix and the Mirror, Avram Davidson
A Feast Unknown, Phillip Jose Farmer
Fourth Mansion, R.A. Lafferty Same.
Red Moon and Black Mountain, Joy Chant
Time and Again, Jack Finney
Grendel, John Gardner
Briefing for a Descent into Hell, Doris Lessing
Jack of Shadows, Roger Zelazny
Watership Down, Richard Adams
The Infernal Desire Machines of Dr Hoffman, Angela Carter
Sweet Dreams, Michale Frayn
The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, Patricia A. McKillip
’Salem’s Lot, Stephen King
The Great Victorian Collection, Brian Moore
Grimus, Salman Rushdie
Peace, Gene Wolfe
The Malacia Tapestry, Brian Aldiss
The Dragon and the George, Gordon R. Dickson
Hotel de Dream, Emma Tennant
The Passion of New Eve, Angela Carter
The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Stephen R. Donaldson (started buy never finished)
The Shining, Stephen King
Fata Morgana, William Kotzwinkle
Our Lady of Darkness, Fritz Leiber
Gloriana, Michael Moorcock
The Unlimited Dream Company, J.G. Ballard
Sorceror’s Son, Phyllis Eisenstein
The Land of Laughs, Jonathon Carroll
The Vampire Tapestry, Suzy McKee Carnas
A Storm of Wings, M. John Harrison
White Light, Rudy Rucker
Ariosto, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
Cities of the Red Night, William S. Burroughs
Little, Big, John Crowley
Lanark, Alasdair Gray
The War Hound and the World’s Pain, Michael Moorcock
Nifft the Lean, Michael Shea
Winter’s Tale, Mark Helprin
Soul Eater, K.W. Jeter
Tea with the Black Dragon, R.A. MacAvoy
Cold Heaven, Brian Moore
Anubis Gate, Tim Powers
Who Made Stevie Crye? Michael Bishop
The Digging Leviathon, James P. Blaylock
Nights at the Circus, Angela Carter
The Businessman, Thomas M. Disch
Mythago Wood, Robert Holdstock
The Glamour, Christopher Priest
The Witches of Eastwich, John Updike
Hawksmoor, Peter Ackroyd
The Dream Years, Lisa Goldstein
The Fionavar Tapestry, Guy Gavriel Kay
The Bridge, Iain Banks
The Hungry Moon, Ramsey Cambell
Replay, Ken Grimwood
The Unconquered Territory: A Life History, Geoff Ryman
The Day of Creation, J.G. Ballard
Aegypt, John Crowley
According to David Pringle's 100 Best Modern Fantasy:
Titus Groan, Mervyn Peake
World of Ptath, A.E. van Vogt
The Well of the Unicorn, Fletcher Pratt
Darker Than You Think, Jack Williamson
Seven Days in New Crete, Robert Graves
Silverlock, John Myers Myers
The Castle of Iron, L. Sprague de Camp and Fletcher Pratt
Conan the Conqueror, Robert E. Howard
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis
Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
The Dying Earth, Jack Vance
The Sound of His Horn, Sarban
Conjure Wife, Fritz Leiber
The Sinful Ones, Fritz Leiber
The Broken Sword, Poul Anderson
The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien
Pincher Martin, William Golding
The Shrinking Man, Richard Matheson
Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury (I can remember reading it but can't remember what it was about)
The Once and Future King, T.E. White
The Unpleasant Profession of Jonathon Hoag, Robert Heinlein
The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson
Titus Alone, Merlyn Peake
A Fine and Private Place, Peter S. Beagle
Three Hearts and Three Lions, Poul Anderson
The Girl, the Gold Watch, and Everything, John D. MacDonald
Glory Road, Robert A. Heinlein
Witch World, Andre Norton Same as Bradbury. I can remember the cover but not the story.
The Magus, John Fowles
Stormbringer, Micheal Moorecock
The Crying of Lot 49, Thomas Pynchon
Day of the Minotaur, Thomas Burnett Swann
The Eyes of the Overworld, Jack Vance
The Owl Service, Alan Garner
Rosemary’s Baby, Ira Levin
The Third Policeman, Flann O’Brien
Gog, Andrew Sinclair
The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle
A Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. LeGuin
The Swords of Lankhmar, Fritz Leiber
Black Easter and The Day After Judgement, James Blish
The Green Man, Kingsley Amis
The Phoenix and the Mirror, Avram Davidson
A Feast Unknown, Phillip Jose Farmer
Fourth Mansion, R.A. Lafferty Same.
Red Moon and Black Mountain, Joy Chant
Time and Again, Jack Finney
Grendel, John Gardner
Briefing for a Descent into Hell, Doris Lessing
Jack of Shadows, Roger Zelazny
Watership Down, Richard Adams
The Infernal Desire Machines of Dr Hoffman, Angela Carter
Sweet Dreams, Michale Frayn
The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, Patricia A. McKillip
’Salem’s Lot, Stephen King
The Great Victorian Collection, Brian Moore
Grimus, Salman Rushdie
Peace, Gene Wolfe
The Malacia Tapestry, Brian Aldiss
The Dragon and the George, Gordon R. Dickson
Hotel de Dream, Emma Tennant
The Passion of New Eve, Angela Carter
The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Stephen R. Donaldson (started buy never finished)
The Shining, Stephen King
Fata Morgana, William Kotzwinkle
Our Lady of Darkness, Fritz Leiber
Gloriana, Michael Moorcock
The Unlimited Dream Company, J.G. Ballard
Sorceror’s Son, Phyllis Eisenstein
The Land of Laughs, Jonathon Carroll
The Vampire Tapestry, Suzy McKee Carnas
A Storm of Wings, M. John Harrison
White Light, Rudy Rucker
Ariosto, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro
Cities of the Red Night, William S. Burroughs
Little, Big, John Crowley
Lanark, Alasdair Gray
The War Hound and the World’s Pain, Michael Moorcock
Nifft the Lean, Michael Shea
Winter’s Tale, Mark Helprin
Soul Eater, K.W. Jeter
Tea with the Black Dragon, R.A. MacAvoy
Cold Heaven, Brian Moore
Anubis Gate, Tim Powers
Who Made Stevie Crye? Michael Bishop
The Digging Leviathon, James P. Blaylock
Nights at the Circus, Angela Carter
The Businessman, Thomas M. Disch
Mythago Wood, Robert Holdstock
The Glamour, Christopher Priest
The Witches of Eastwich, John Updike
Hawksmoor, Peter Ackroyd
The Dream Years, Lisa Goldstein
The Fionavar Tapestry, Guy Gavriel Kay
The Bridge, Iain Banks
The Hungry Moon, Ramsey Cambell
Replay, Ken Grimwood
The Unconquered Territory: A Life History, Geoff Ryman
The Day of Creation, J.G. Ballard
Aegypt, John Crowley
Two Extremes
James Joyce used 29,899 different words in Ulysses. That's not the total word count but 29,899 separate words, many used multiple times, many of which were created by Joyce.
Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham with fifty words, of which “Not” is used the most often (82 times) and “I” the second most (81). All words except “anywhere” (used eight times) are monosyllabic.
James Joyce used 29,899 different words in Ulysses. That's not the total word count but 29,899 separate words, many used multiple times, many of which were created by Joyce.
Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham with fifty words, of which “Not” is used the most often (82 times) and “I” the second most (81). All words except “anywhere” (used eight times) are monosyllabic.
Millipede Invasion
I'm going out on a limb and guessing that this news story about a 72-year-old woman's being invaded by millipedes is a joke.
"Mrs. Foot(e)"?
I'm going out on a limb and guessing that this news story about a 72-year-old woman's being invaded by millipedes is a joke.
"Mrs. Foot(e)"?
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Literary Mythologies
Just read Jason Colavito's The Cult of Alien Gods: H.P. Lovecraft and Extraterrestrial Pop Culture which claims that H.P. started the whole ancient astronaut/gods from outer space craze.
I was surprised by this quote: "To be a member of a pure-blooded race ought to be the greatest achievement in life."
First of all, that's not really an achievement, now is it? But I'd always thought Lovecraft was more open-minded. Apparently he began life as a right-wing extremist but a few years after making that quote, he married Sonia Greene, a Russian Jew (big shock, they divorced a couple years later) Eventually after financial crisis after crisis, he wound up supporting Roosevelt and became a border-line socialist.
What interested me the most were his gods. I've been trying to find different groups of gods made up entirely by SF and fantasy writers but haven't been able to come up with a good source. The book listed:
Clark Ashton Smith - Tsathoggua the toad god
Robert Ervin Howard - Krom, Kathulos (independently created god very similar to Cthulhu)
Howard Phillips Lovecraft - Cthulhu and the boys
I know a few more. Fritz Leiber had an extensive pantheon of gods in the Gray Mouser series. The rabbits had a god and holy messenger in Richard Adams' Watership Down. Alan Dean Foster had many gods in his shared world universe. Robert Asprin had the gods of Thieves' World and Micheal Moorcock had them in Elric's universe.
There has got to be more. I've googled for them but I can't think of a good way to phrase it without getting all sorts of goofy crap (some of which is interesting but not what I was looking for).
Just read Jason Colavito's The Cult of Alien Gods: H.P. Lovecraft and Extraterrestrial Pop Culture which claims that H.P. started the whole ancient astronaut/gods from outer space craze.
I was surprised by this quote: "To be a member of a pure-blooded race ought to be the greatest achievement in life."
First of all, that's not really an achievement, now is it? But I'd always thought Lovecraft was more open-minded. Apparently he began life as a right-wing extremist but a few years after making that quote, he married Sonia Greene, a Russian Jew (big shock, they divorced a couple years later) Eventually after financial crisis after crisis, he wound up supporting Roosevelt and became a border-line socialist.
What interested me the most were his gods. I've been trying to find different groups of gods made up entirely by SF and fantasy writers but haven't been able to come up with a good source. The book listed:
Clark Ashton Smith - Tsathoggua the toad god
Robert Ervin Howard - Krom, Kathulos (independently created god very similar to Cthulhu)
Howard Phillips Lovecraft - Cthulhu and the boys
I know a few more. Fritz Leiber had an extensive pantheon of gods in the Gray Mouser series. The rabbits had a god and holy messenger in Richard Adams' Watership Down. Alan Dean Foster had many gods in his shared world universe. Robert Asprin had the gods of Thieves' World and Micheal Moorcock had them in Elric's universe.
There has got to be more. I've googled for them but I can't think of a good way to phrase it without getting all sorts of goofy crap (some of which is interesting but not what I was looking for).
General Oba Shot
For years now, a local activist and/or nutcase General Kabaka Oba of the Black Fist has been media whoring the Cincinnati airwaves. Although he made incredibly stupid statements on a regular basis ("I am the most racist man in Cincinnati"), he usually came off as just loony on WAIF's the Bottom Line , not evil or dangerous. Apparently the matter behind the shooting started from a minor matter and both sides kept it snowballing out of control. Just last week, on the Bottom Line, the host repeatedly asked Kabaka for a "sit-down" to end the fighting. He just shrugged it off.
I keep thinking of Timothy Treadwell--keep pushing the edge and eventually you're going to fall off.
For more on the situation, click on This and this.
For years now, a local activist and/or nutcase General Kabaka Oba of the Black Fist has been media whoring the Cincinnati airwaves. Although he made incredibly stupid statements on a regular basis ("I am the most racist man in Cincinnati"), he usually came off as just loony on WAIF's the Bottom Line , not evil or dangerous. Apparently the matter behind the shooting started from a minor matter and both sides kept it snowballing out of control. Just last week, on the Bottom Line, the host repeatedly asked Kabaka for a "sit-down" to end the fighting. He just shrugged it off.
I keep thinking of Timothy Treadwell--keep pushing the edge and eventually you're going to fall off.
For more on the situation, click on This and this.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
First Comics
What might be a meme in the making is a nerdy challenge to write about your first comic books. Want to read about another geeky first comic's experience? No? You have some semblance of a life? You must tell me about that sometime.
Anyway, I remember plenty of old horror comics that my dad bought me (Gold Key Boris Karloff presents or something) and funny animal comics which were apparently written by guys with just enough pride not to sell themselves for medical experiments or at the closest greyhound depot.
The first comics I bought myself were The Incredible Hulk #259 and Man-Thing #10. Even though this doesn't match up with the dates given on the other web pages, this must have been in February of 1981, about halfway through my seventh grade year. Neither comic made much of an impact with me but the next issue of the Hulk marked the death of Major Talbot, a military idiot who lived only to bomb the Hulk. (In the Marvel Universe, approximately 15% of the budget goes to fund anti-Hulk weaponry which typically works well for about a page and a half before blowing up or becoming sentient and deciding to blow up the universe.)
Major Talbot had been wasting tax-payer money on the Hulk since the early sixties. He stole Bruce Banner's girlfriend, abused and divorced her. He tried to incinerate whole states just to get a crack at the jade giant. Some comic fans had waited twenty years to see him die. I got it in about three weeks. Like Poochie, he was one of the rare comic characters who actually stayed dead (probably more out of a desire not to demonize the U.S. military in Reagan and post-Reagan America than anything else).
Today comic books try to be more "real." The latest story-line is that Congress passed a Patriot Act for superheroes, requiring them to register with the government, and allowing for witty, political observations ("Anyway, like I was saying, it's a very subtle allegory. There's this President Jorge W. Evilbush--"). Still in the 80s, the Hulk fought to the death against Major Talbot's ultimate weapon--the War Wagon--on the set of a Japanese Godzilla movie. Now, that's entertainment.
What might be a meme in the making is a nerdy challenge to write about your first comic books. Want to read about another geeky first comic's experience? No? You have some semblance of a life? You must tell me about that sometime.
Anyway, I remember plenty of old horror comics that my dad bought me (Gold Key Boris Karloff presents or something) and funny animal comics which were apparently written by guys with just enough pride not to sell themselves for medical experiments or at the closest greyhound depot.
The first comics I bought myself were The Incredible Hulk #259 and Man-Thing #10. Even though this doesn't match up with the dates given on the other web pages, this must have been in February of 1981, about halfway through my seventh grade year. Neither comic made much of an impact with me but the next issue of the Hulk marked the death of Major Talbot, a military idiot who lived only to bomb the Hulk. (In the Marvel Universe, approximately 15% of the budget goes to fund anti-Hulk weaponry which typically works well for about a page and a half before blowing up or becoming sentient and deciding to blow up the universe.)
Major Talbot had been wasting tax-payer money on the Hulk since the early sixties. He stole Bruce Banner's girlfriend, abused and divorced her. He tried to incinerate whole states just to get a crack at the jade giant. Some comic fans had waited twenty years to see him die. I got it in about three weeks. Like Poochie, he was one of the rare comic characters who actually stayed dead (probably more out of a desire not to demonize the U.S. military in Reagan and post-Reagan America than anything else).
Today comic books try to be more "real." The latest story-line is that Congress passed a Patriot Act for superheroes, requiring them to register with the government, and allowing for witty, political observations ("Anyway, like I was saying, it's a very subtle allegory. There's this President Jorge W. Evilbush--"). Still in the 80s, the Hulk fought to the death against Major Talbot's ultimate weapon--the War Wagon--on the set of a Japanese Godzilla movie. Now, that's entertainment.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Chameleon Clothes
If this is real, what good would it be other than a novelty item a la the mood ring?
Maybe if you're witnessed committing a crime, it would be good to have a quick way to change the color of your shirt but otherwise would it just be for show?
If this is real, what good would it be other than a novelty item a la the mood ring?
Maybe if you're witnessed committing a crime, it would be good to have a quick way to change the color of your shirt but otherwise would it just be for show?
Top Fears
BBC list of top 20 phobias. It has to be fake.
My sister has a fear of clowns and makes my mom take down a clown doll from the toy shelves before she visits. After watching Grizzly Man, I guess I'm afraid of standing next to a dangerous animal but I can see pictures of them and I just went to the zoo yesterday. I have to hope that the guy with a phobia about pen tops was just joking.
BBC list of top 20 phobias. It has to be fake.
My sister has a fear of clowns and makes my mom take down a clown doll from the toy shelves before she visits. After watching Grizzly Man, I guess I'm afraid of standing next to a dangerous animal but I can see pictures of them and I just went to the zoo yesterday. I have to hope that the guy with a phobia about pen tops was just joking.
Grizzly Man Again
I just watched Grizzly Man for another class, and as goofy as Timothy Treadwell might have been, was he worse than a guy who kills himself and a friend while driving drunk? Gives himself and a loved one lung cancer? Eats himself into a heart attack and wrecks while driving his family? There's all sorts of things Treadwell could have done to kill himself and his girlfriend, granted few as painful and gruesome as being eaten by a bear.
Not that Treadwell was a hero--getting alligators used to people makes them more dangerous and, according to the experts, the same holds true for bears--but he doesn't deserve the hatred that some students have for him.
I think mocking God made more of a difference for some of them than anything else.
I just watched Grizzly Man for another class, and as goofy as Timothy Treadwell might have been, was he worse than a guy who kills himself and a friend while driving drunk? Gives himself and a loved one lung cancer? Eats himself into a heart attack and wrecks while driving his family? There's all sorts of things Treadwell could have done to kill himself and his girlfriend, granted few as painful and gruesome as being eaten by a bear.
Not that Treadwell was a hero--getting alligators used to people makes them more dangerous and, according to the experts, the same holds true for bears--but he doesn't deserve the hatred that some students have for him.
I think mocking God made more of a difference for some of them than anything else.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Smart Ass Shuts Down School
For the second time in a week, a smart ass kid caused a panic at my stepdaughter's school. I couldn't find any news on the second and the principal didn't send an e-mail like the first. The second one was timed so that the police would "lock down" the school, blocking kids from their lockers thereby canceling all homework for Monday.
It's like one of my old prayers 25 years too late.
For the second time in a week, a smart ass kid caused a panic at my stepdaughter's school. I couldn't find any news on the second and the principal didn't send an e-mail like the first. The second one was timed so that the police would "lock down" the school, blocking kids from their lockers thereby canceling all homework for Monday.
It's like one of my old prayers 25 years too late.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Movies That Should Have Won
Does anyone disagree that Citizen Kane should have beat How Green Was My Valley?
If you don't think Raging Bull should have beat Ordinary People, I'll have to hurt you.
I'd go with Ed Wood but would accept Pulp Fiction over Forrest Gump.
I'd like anything over Titanic.
Warning: I've never deleted a comment before but that might change for anyone suggesting that Shakespeare in Love shouldn't have won.
Does anyone disagree that Citizen Kane should have beat How Green Was My Valley?
If you don't think Raging Bull should have beat Ordinary People, I'll have to hurt you.
I'd go with Ed Wood but would accept Pulp Fiction over Forrest Gump.
I'd like anything over Titanic.
Warning: I've never deleted a comment before but that might change for anyone suggesting that Shakespeare in Love shouldn't have won.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Best Losers
Over at Louis's Mr. TV Head blog, I found this poll to vote for the worst Oscar-winning movies of the year.
Here's my break-down:
Didn't see: Gone with the Wind (39), Million Dollar Baby (04), Crash (05)
Worst:
1. Greatest Show on Earth (52) Stick with burning bushes, C.
2. You Can't Take it With You (38) It's a Wonderful Life isn't sappy enough for you? Try Capra's earlier effort.
3. Titanic (97) I liked Kate Winslet's breasts and the part where everyone died.
4. Oliver! (68) This movie doesn't even deserve a snide comment. Considering making it number one.
5. The English Patient (96) The hero makes a deal with the Nazis for the woman he loves. Paging Zombie Bogart to kick the shit out of every pansy involved with this masturbatory pile of slop.
6. Around the World in 80 Days (56) Makes the Jackie Chan version look good.
Bad but forgivable:
1. Gentleman's Agreement (47) Here's Gregory Peck to tell you that hating Jews is wrong.
2. Going My Way (44) "There's a war on. We'd rather vote for Bing singing to choir boys than the much superior Double indemnity.
3. How Green Was My Valley (41) "There's a war in Europe. And Mr. Hearst gave us strict instructions."
4. The Great Ziegfeld (36) You could have made another Thin Man movie from the cast.
5. Mrs. Miniver (42) The weaker, English version of From Here to Eternity. Kinda like the opposite of our beers.
6. Hamlet (48) Everyone says they love this version but, I'm sorry, Gertrude is supposed to be older than her son. Still it's a good way to cut 2-1/2 hours out of a literature class.
7. Forrest Gump (94) "Uh, we're not at war any more. Why didn't we vote for Pulp Fiction?"
8. The Last Emperor (88) Hello, this guy was gayer than James Whale. Shouldn't you have at least hinted at it?
9. Gandhi (82) Just shoot him already and get it over with.
10. The Deer Hunter (78) Yeah, I've got an evening to kill.
11. Silence of the Lambs (91) This is like the opposite of a David Lynch film. The more I think about it, the more I hate it.
12. Ben-Hur (59) You let the Roman Empire fall? Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Musicals ("Uh, honey, I watched that with you. Don't I deserve a blowjob or something?")
Chicago (02), West Side Story (61), Gigi (59), My Fair Lady (64), American in Paris (51), Sound of Music (65)
("Uh, honey, I watched that with you. Don't I deserve a blowjob from you and a group of your friends?")
Terms of Endearment (83), Ordinary People (80), Kramer vs. Kramer (79), Out of Africa (85)
Category of "Eh"
Platoon (86), American Beauty (99), Best Years of Our Lives (46), Gladiator (00), Braveheart (95), The Sting (73), Driving Miss Daisy (89), Beautiful Mind (01), Chariot of Fire (91), Dances with Wolves (90), Life of Emile Zola (37), Schindler's List (93--yeah, how many times have YOU watched it?)
Liked:
1. All About Eve (50) George Sanders! I love that guy!
2. Midnight Cowboy (69) Why was this rated "X"?
3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (75) Just try that with the Joker!
4. Broadway Melody (28) Hey, it's making noises!
5. Cimmaron (30) The black kid named Napoleon dies saving a couple of white girls. Hey, just think of how the audience in Georgia reacted.
6. On the Waterfront (54) Too much message but it's got the line.
7. Laurence of Arabia (62) I like that scene with the match.
8. Grand Hotel (31) It's mentioned in The Apartment.
9. The Apartment (60) Fred MacMurray as a sadistic SOB? I love that guy!
10. Rocky (76) Yes, you do too.
11. Cavalcade (32) The Titanic sinks in 15 minutes!
12. Amadeus (84) That's Mozart's middle name.
13. All the King's Men (49) It's funny cuz it's true.
14. A Man for All Seasons (66) I even like the Charlie Heston version.
15. Wings (27) D.W. could have done it better but he was probably drunk at the time.
16. Mutiny on the Bounty (35) Look at him whip that guy! You'd think he was Jesus!
17. Marty (55) They drink beer on screen. That was shocking for the times.
18. It Happened One Night (34) "Uh, honey, yes, I did like it. Okay, I'll get to work.
19. The Lost Weekend (45) "Yeah, it's Reefer Madness Redux but Billy should have won last year. And I like that scene with the bat and the rat."
20. Annie Hall (77) Just to piss off the Star Wars fans.
21. From Here to Eternity (53) This is pretty close to "eh."
Favorites:
1. The Godfather II (74) And he went on to make that stupid version of Dracula.
2. The Godfather (72) And Frankenstein.
3. Patton (70) "Damn! He shot that mule in the head!"
4. Rebecca (40) George Sanders and Alfred Hitchcock! I'm in love!
5. In the Heat of the Night (67) "Do they call you Virgil?"
6. The French Connection (71) The 70s rocked (in this regard).
7. Rain Man (89) I actually don't want to punch Tom Cruise in the face!
8. Casablanca (43) Hey, Bogart, check out that piece of crap that wins in '96.
9. Bridge on the River Kwai (58) Is it just me or are American actors much worse than British?
10. Unforgiven (92) Clint.
11. Return of the King (03) Yes, I'm openly geeky.
12. Shakespeare in Love (98) "Thank you God! I don't care what Covington says--Speilberg and Hanks lost--you do exist!"
13. Tom Jones (63) Hey, in the 60s and not a musical. I use it in class and--oh, nevermind.
14. All's Quiet on the Western Front (30) Do I just like this or put it here? I switched about eight times.
Over at Louis's Mr. TV Head blog, I found this poll to vote for the worst Oscar-winning movies of the year.
Here's my break-down:
Didn't see: Gone with the Wind (39), Million Dollar Baby (04), Crash (05)
Worst:
1. Greatest Show on Earth (52) Stick with burning bushes, C.
2. You Can't Take it With You (38) It's a Wonderful Life isn't sappy enough for you? Try Capra's earlier effort.
3. Titanic (97) I liked Kate Winslet's breasts and the part where everyone died.
4. Oliver! (68) This movie doesn't even deserve a snide comment. Considering making it number one.
5. The English Patient (96) The hero makes a deal with the Nazis for the woman he loves. Paging Zombie Bogart to kick the shit out of every pansy involved with this masturbatory pile of slop.
6. Around the World in 80 Days (56) Makes the Jackie Chan version look good.
Bad but forgivable:
1. Gentleman's Agreement (47) Here's Gregory Peck to tell you that hating Jews is wrong.
2. Going My Way (44) "There's a war on. We'd rather vote for Bing singing to choir boys than the much superior Double indemnity.
3. How Green Was My Valley (41) "There's a war in Europe. And Mr. Hearst gave us strict instructions."
4. The Great Ziegfeld (36) You could have made another Thin Man movie from the cast.
5. Mrs. Miniver (42) The weaker, English version of From Here to Eternity. Kinda like the opposite of our beers.
6. Hamlet (48) Everyone says they love this version but, I'm sorry, Gertrude is supposed to be older than her son. Still it's a good way to cut 2-1/2 hours out of a literature class.
7. Forrest Gump (94) "Uh, we're not at war any more. Why didn't we vote for Pulp Fiction?"
8. The Last Emperor (88) Hello, this guy was gayer than James Whale. Shouldn't you have at least hinted at it?
9. Gandhi (82) Just shoot him already and get it over with.
10. The Deer Hunter (78) Yeah, I've got an evening to kill.
11. Silence of the Lambs (91) This is like the opposite of a David Lynch film. The more I think about it, the more I hate it.
12. Ben-Hur (59) You let the Roman Empire fall? Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Musicals ("Uh, honey, I watched that with you. Don't I deserve a blowjob or something?")
Chicago (02), West Side Story (61), Gigi (59), My Fair Lady (64), American in Paris (51), Sound of Music (65)
("Uh, honey, I watched that with you. Don't I deserve a blowjob from you and a group of your friends?")
Terms of Endearment (83), Ordinary People (80), Kramer vs. Kramer (79), Out of Africa (85)
Category of "Eh"
Platoon (86), American Beauty (99), Best Years of Our Lives (46), Gladiator (00), Braveheart (95), The Sting (73), Driving Miss Daisy (89), Beautiful Mind (01), Chariot of Fire (91), Dances with Wolves (90), Life of Emile Zola (37), Schindler's List (93--yeah, how many times have YOU watched it?)
Liked:
1. All About Eve (50) George Sanders! I love that guy!
2. Midnight Cowboy (69) Why was this rated "X"?
3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (75) Just try that with the Joker!
4. Broadway Melody (28) Hey, it's making noises!
5. Cimmaron (30) The black kid named Napoleon dies saving a couple of white girls. Hey, just think of how the audience in Georgia reacted.
6. On the Waterfront (54) Too much message but it's got the line.
7. Laurence of Arabia (62) I like that scene with the match.
8. Grand Hotel (31) It's mentioned in The Apartment.
9. The Apartment (60) Fred MacMurray as a sadistic SOB? I love that guy!
10. Rocky (76) Yes, you do too.
11. Cavalcade (32) The Titanic sinks in 15 minutes!
12. Amadeus (84) That's Mozart's middle name.
13. All the King's Men (49) It's funny cuz it's true.
14. A Man for All Seasons (66) I even like the Charlie Heston version.
15. Wings (27) D.W. could have done it better but he was probably drunk at the time.
16. Mutiny on the Bounty (35) Look at him whip that guy! You'd think he was Jesus!
17. Marty (55) They drink beer on screen. That was shocking for the times.
18. It Happened One Night (34) "Uh, honey, yes, I did like it. Okay, I'll get to work.
19. The Lost Weekend (45) "Yeah, it's Reefer Madness Redux but Billy should have won last year. And I like that scene with the bat and the rat."
20. Annie Hall (77) Just to piss off the Star Wars fans.
21. From Here to Eternity (53) This is pretty close to "eh."
Favorites:
1. The Godfather II (74) And he went on to make that stupid version of Dracula.
2. The Godfather (72) And Frankenstein.
3. Patton (70) "Damn! He shot that mule in the head!"
4. Rebecca (40) George Sanders and Alfred Hitchcock! I'm in love!
5. In the Heat of the Night (67) "Do they call you Virgil?"
6. The French Connection (71) The 70s rocked (in this regard).
7. Rain Man (89) I actually don't want to punch Tom Cruise in the face!
8. Casablanca (43) Hey, Bogart, check out that piece of crap that wins in '96.
9. Bridge on the River Kwai (58) Is it just me or are American actors much worse than British?
10. Unforgiven (92) Clint.
11. Return of the King (03) Yes, I'm openly geeky.
12. Shakespeare in Love (98) "Thank you God! I don't care what Covington says--Speilberg and Hanks lost--you do exist!"
13. Tom Jones (63) Hey, in the 60s and not a musical. I use it in class and--oh, nevermind.
14. All's Quiet on the Western Front (30) Do I just like this or put it here? I switched about eight times.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Class Once More
For the second quarter in a row, Clermont College's copier was down on the first week of classes. I had to print everything individually which looked good but must cost a fortune.
Yesterday I turned 38. Oddly enough, I hadn't given my age much thought and for the longest time thought I was already 38 and was turning 39. I feel like Bill Murray on a very long Groundhog's day.
For the second quarter in a row, Clermont College's copier was down on the first week of classes. I had to print everything individually which looked good but must cost a fortune.
Yesterday I turned 38. Oddly enough, I hadn't given my age much thought and for the longest time thought I was already 38 and was turning 39. I feel like Bill Murray on a very long Groundhog's day.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Allegedly Drunk
Remember the post from a while back about zoos in Florida forced to separate dangerous animals even farther from the public, because of the risk of an idiot trying to French kiss a puma?
"This was strictly human error and poor judgment."
Remember the post from a while back about zoos in Florida forced to separate dangerous animals even farther from the public, because of the risk of an idiot trying to French kiss a puma?
"This was strictly human error and poor judgment."
Don't Come Knocking You're a Croc...in
(Hey, they can't all be gems)
This gives me an excuse to tell my sister's alligator story.
While she lived in Florida, a man in the area was awakened by his dog barking. He went down to investigate and found the dog in front of a sliding glass door with a huge alligator on the other side. Being a native, he went back to bed but shortly afterwards heard the glass shatter. Being a native, he had a loaded .45 and went downstairs and blasted the alligator's brains out (even though gators have small brains, this is easier than it sounds--just shoot level between the eyes). Sadly, he missed a few shots and had to replace his hard wood floor. I think the kicker was that his insurance replaced the door but didn't want to pay for the floor.
(Okay, that's not much of a gem either.)
(Hey, they can't all be gems)
This gives me an excuse to tell my sister's alligator story.
While she lived in Florida, a man in the area was awakened by his dog barking. He went down to investigate and found the dog in front of a sliding glass door with a huge alligator on the other side. Being a native, he went back to bed but shortly afterwards heard the glass shatter. Being a native, he had a loaded .45 and went downstairs and blasted the alligator's brains out (even though gators have small brains, this is easier than it sounds--just shoot level between the eyes). Sadly, he missed a few shots and had to replace his hard wood floor. I think the kicker was that his insurance replaced the door but didn't want to pay for the floor.
(Okay, that's not much of a gem either.)
Thinking about Nixon
In keeping with the lightning fast pace of the blogosphere, here's some musings about our 37th president.
1. I've always heard Nixon used as a master of apophasis (ad hominem attacks that are framed in a way that appears the speaker is trying to avoid them, e.g., "I think we should stick to the issues, not the undeniable fact that my opponent's father was a high ranking figure in organized crime and sold bathtub rum to schoolgirls," "I'm not even going to bring up that my opponent is a papist who takes orders from Rome," or "Let's avoid mentioning that the good senator is romantically linked to Rita Haysworth and instead focus on inflation") but all the examples are hypothetical. Does anyone know of a real quote where he does this? (My half-ass attempts: http://www.google.com/search?q=apophasis+Nixon&hl=en&lr=&start=10&sa=N and http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=apophasis+Nixon+examples)
2. The Checker's Speech is a textbook example of all sorts of rhetorical devices (aposiopesis, when he got so choked up with emotion that he couldn't speak for a moment; straw man argument, defiantly announcing that he wouldn't give the dog up although none of his critics had ever suggested such a thing; emotional appeals, the millions of souls lost to communism during the Truman administration) but was the overall speech the truth?
Nixon had been accused of criminally mismanaging campaign funds (the more things change...) and he gave the speech to reveal his entire financial history. It occurred to me that I've read about the speech in many contexts but never if Nixon was innocent of the initial charges.
3. Have you noticed that now Republicans seem to hate Nixon more than Democrats do? After his death, people lined up to call him a statesman but now I hear him used as an example of evil ("He's as bad as Nixon"), and, more often than not, the speaker is conservative. Nixon was behind the founding of the National Endowment for the Arts and he did visit China but why did his old party turn on him?
In keeping with the lightning fast pace of the blogosphere, here's some musings about our 37th president.
1. I've always heard Nixon used as a master of apophasis (ad hominem attacks that are framed in a way that appears the speaker is trying to avoid them, e.g., "I think we should stick to the issues, not the undeniable fact that my opponent's father was a high ranking figure in organized crime and sold bathtub rum to schoolgirls," "I'm not even going to bring up that my opponent is a papist who takes orders from Rome," or "Let's avoid mentioning that the good senator is romantically linked to Rita Haysworth and instead focus on inflation") but all the examples are hypothetical. Does anyone know of a real quote where he does this? (My half-ass attempts: http://www.google.com/search?q=apophasis+Nixon&hl=en&lr=&start=10&sa=N and http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=apophasis+Nixon+examples)
2. The Checker's Speech is a textbook example of all sorts of rhetorical devices (aposiopesis, when he got so choked up with emotion that he couldn't speak for a moment; straw man argument, defiantly announcing that he wouldn't give the dog up although none of his critics had ever suggested such a thing; emotional appeals, the millions of souls lost to communism during the Truman administration) but was the overall speech the truth?
Nixon had been accused of criminally mismanaging campaign funds (the more things change...) and he gave the speech to reveal his entire financial history. It occurred to me that I've read about the speech in many contexts but never if Nixon was innocent of the initial charges.
3. Have you noticed that now Republicans seem to hate Nixon more than Democrats do? After his death, people lined up to call him a statesman but now I hear him used as an example of evil ("He's as bad as Nixon"), and, more often than not, the speaker is conservative. Nixon was behind the founding of the National Endowment for the Arts and he did visit China but why did his old party turn on him?
Friday, March 24, 2006
No More Books
For the first time, I'm going to try to handle four separate classes without assigning text books in any of them. Books make things so much easier ("Next, read the twenty-page article in the beginning of the chapter") but it's hard to justify their cost. For a ten-week class that only meets once a week, no matter how I sliced it, a $65 book seemed like an excess so I'm going to try to rely on handouts and outside sources. I'm just starting to regret it four days before the quarter even starts.
Tuesday was a snow day. My will to live is about exhausted. On Wednesday I went in to Devilgirl's class and actually felt useful for the first time in the school district. In the past, things moved so smoothly that it didn't feel like I made the slightest difference. This time the class had a substitute who wasn't familiar with special-needs classes of the school so for once someone was happy to see me.
Today my step-daughter got a "write-up" for creative use of the F-word (telling girls in front of her to "shut the fuck up" during school announcements). I remember saying worse much earlier than the seventh grade but I had the sense not to be in earshot of the teacher.
Also I tore a muscle in my neck and am back on medication (left-over stuff from my back). It's never enough.
For the first time, I'm going to try to handle four separate classes without assigning text books in any of them. Books make things so much easier ("Next, read the twenty-page article in the beginning of the chapter") but it's hard to justify their cost. For a ten-week class that only meets once a week, no matter how I sliced it, a $65 book seemed like an excess so I'm going to try to rely on handouts and outside sources. I'm just starting to regret it four days before the quarter even starts.
Tuesday was a snow day. My will to live is about exhausted. On Wednesday I went in to Devilgirl's class and actually felt useful for the first time in the school district. In the past, things moved so smoothly that it didn't feel like I made the slightest difference. This time the class had a substitute who wasn't familiar with special-needs classes of the school so for once someone was happy to see me.
Today my step-daughter got a "write-up" for creative use of the F-word (telling girls in front of her to "shut the fuck up" during school announcements). I remember saying worse much earlier than the seventh grade but I had the sense not to be in earshot of the teacher.
Also I tore a muscle in my neck and am back on medication (left-over stuff from my back). It's never enough.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
"What WE want"
You know, I like junk food. It's pretty obvious just by looking at me. Still I know that junk food isn't good for me and that I really should eat something better. From Roger Ebert's latest Answer Man column, some people don't have similar realizations about movies:
I've noticed that the same people who claim that "it's good to relax with something that doesn't strain your brain" are the people who are most in need of a good mental workout. Wes just wrote about the poster boy of witless entertainment, "the single unfunniest person since Pol Pot, Larry the Cable Guy." The fact that Larry's not living out of a dumpster behind an all-night KFC pretty much confirms that, yes, "[m]any of us are TIRED of the continual diet of political, environmental and societal issues forced upon us," and it shows.
It's depressing when college students complain about poetry full of hard words and obscure ideas, especially when they're referring to Robert Frost. In the birth of drama, back in the days of the ancient Greeks, it was expected that entertainment should make the audience--even an audience of illiterate farmhands--think. Today that's box office poison.
I'm not crusading against junk food or junk entertainment. God knows I love them both. But it sickens me that people are proud of the fact that they love crap and are offended by people who don't.
You know, I like junk food. It's pretty obvious just by looking at me. Still I know that junk food isn't good for me and that I really should eat something better. From Roger Ebert's latest Answer Man column, some people don't have similar realizations about movies:
Q. I must take issue with your response to Jay Leno's question about whether Hollywood is out of step with the mainstream public. Your response was, "Maybe the moviegoing public is out of step with good movies." How incredibly insulting and arrogant! Your comment illustrates an obvious belief on your part that the people involved with financing, writing, directing and acting in films -- most of whom live in the unnatural and aesthetic environments of Hollywood and other cloistered situations -- know better than I and the rest of the public what WE want and need in entertainment! Many of us are TIRED of the continual diet of political, environmental and societal issues forced upon us by today's moviemakers. The overwhelming and continual box-office success of the lighter fare vs. the others proves my point.
Donna Larson, Princeton, Minn.
A. No, I think it proves my point. These 2006 films "won" their weekends or placed second: "Hostel," "Underworld: Evolution," "Big Mamma's House 2," "When a Stranger Calls," "Madea's Family Reunion," "The Hills Have Eyes," "Ultraviolet" and "Date Movie." Only three of these, by the way, were "lighter fare," unless vivisection and evisceration make you smile. During the same weeks, these films were not embraced at the box office: "The Matador," "Cache," "The New World," "Transamerica," "The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada," "Tristram Shandy" and "Tsosti." If I prefer the films on the second list, does that make me arrogant? Moviegoers "tired of the continual diet of political, environmental and societal issues" are finding lots of films that entertain them, and those of us who prefer more challenging films have to look a little harder.
I've noticed that the same people who claim that "it's good to relax with something that doesn't strain your brain" are the people who are most in need of a good mental workout. Wes just wrote about the poster boy of witless entertainment, "the single unfunniest person since Pol Pot, Larry the Cable Guy." The fact that Larry's not living out of a dumpster behind an all-night KFC pretty much confirms that, yes, "[m]any of us are TIRED of the continual diet of political, environmental and societal issues forced upon us," and it shows.
It's depressing when college students complain about poetry full of hard words and obscure ideas, especially when they're referring to Robert Frost. In the birth of drama, back in the days of the ancient Greeks, it was expected that entertainment should make the audience--even an audience of illiterate farmhands--think. Today that's box office poison.
I'm not crusading against junk food or junk entertainment. God knows I love them both. But it sickens me that people are proud of the fact that they love crap and are offended by people who don't.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Found Meme
Here's what appears to be a meme that I found running on a computer at NKU. Initially it asked all the questions two or three times in slightly altered form (I don't know if the guy was revising the meme as he wrote it) I also have no idea who originally wrote or answered it:
Describe your family: in two words - strong and supportive
How do you deal with your hair? gel and a hair dryer
Your first job: paper route
What kind of student were/are you? smart, but a bit of a rebel against the establishment.
How often do you go to the movies? once or twice a month
Have you had to move before? many, many times
Do you have any regrets right now? not really
Do you think it is okay to date someone you met online? Ironic you should ask that.
Who was the worst teacher you ever had? Dr. Norman Finklestein. His ass will soon be kicked.
Who do you admire? My mom and dad
What do you want to be when you grow up? Already am
What things really irritate you? rednecks and racists
Dumbest thing youÂ’ve ever done: today or in general?
What would you change about the world? Make Pat Robertson and Bill O'Reily towel boys at a gay bath house.
Have you ever had to go to the hospital? yes plenty of times
Have you been to another country? yes
What are your interests? music, books, writing, passionate love.
What are you afraid of? not being able to protect the ones I love
Do you attend church regularly? no
What was the worst date youÂ’ve ever been on? A blind date I discovered was ignorant, racist, and homophobic.
What do you think about the war in Iraq? I think Bush should be there fighting on the front line
What was the worst moment in your life? When my Uncle Gary killed himself.
How do you cope when you are upset? music
What is your favorite thing to eat? BBQ
Bad habits of yours: eat way too much junk food
My answers:
Describe your family: In two words--loud and expensive
How do you deal with your hair? comb and cut it.
Your first job: Mini-golf, peddle boat, and kiddie ride attendant at Coney Island.
What kind of student were/are you? lazy and catching up at the last minute.
How often do you go to the movies? Never since Dec. 2001.
Have you had to move before? Nine times from 1991 to 1999. None since 1999.
Do you have any regrets right now? Regrets? I have a few.
Do you think it is okay to date someone you met online? No, she's really a vice cop or a balding Mormon with a foot fetish.
Who was the worst teacher you ever had? Mrs. (or Miss) Brown from 8th grade science. Drunk and incompetent, she once gave a test with four 15-point questions and graded them on a scale of 100 (meaning if you got all the questions right, you got a D-).
Who do you admire? Rodney Dangerfield.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Making more money.
What things really irritate you? Cell phones.
Dumbest thing youÂ’ve ever done: Assumed that because Devilboy pooped twice that he wouldn't do it again.
What would you change about the world? You wouldn't recognize it.
Have you ever had to go to the hospital? Several times for me; a million times for Devilboy.
Have you been to another country? Once.
What are your interests? Books, mythology, wasting time on the internet.
What are you afraid of? Talking pigs.
Do you attend church regularly? Not anymore.
What was the worst date youÂ’ve ever been on? One with a fundamentalist Christian hermaphrodite.
What do you think about the war in Iraq? I keep expecting it to be a setup for a new season of Candid Camera.
What was the worst moment in your life? My life icontinuousnous worst moment.
How do you cope when you are upset? Surprisingly well.
What is your favorite thing to eat? Ice cream.
Bad habits of yours: Wasting time on memes.
Here's what appears to be a meme that I found running on a computer at NKU. Initially it asked all the questions two or three times in slightly altered form (I don't know if the guy was revising the meme as he wrote it) I also have no idea who originally wrote or answered it:
Describe your family: in two words - strong and supportive
How do you deal with your hair? gel and a hair dryer
Your first job: paper route
What kind of student were/are you? smart, but a bit of a rebel against the establishment.
How often do you go to the movies? once or twice a month
Have you had to move before? many, many times
Do you have any regrets right now? not really
Do you think it is okay to date someone you met online? Ironic you should ask that.
Who was the worst teacher you ever had? Dr. Norman Finklestein. His ass will soon be kicked.
Who do you admire? My mom and dad
What do you want to be when you grow up? Already am
What things really irritate you? rednecks and racists
Dumbest thing youÂ’ve ever done: today or in general?
What would you change about the world? Make Pat Robertson and Bill O'Reily towel boys at a gay bath house.
Have you ever had to go to the hospital? yes plenty of times
Have you been to another country? yes
What are your interests? music, books, writing, passionate love.
What are you afraid of? not being able to protect the ones I love
Do you attend church regularly? no
What was the worst date youÂ’ve ever been on? A blind date I discovered was ignorant, racist, and homophobic.
What do you think about the war in Iraq? I think Bush should be there fighting on the front line
What was the worst moment in your life? When my Uncle Gary killed himself.
How do you cope when you are upset? music
What is your favorite thing to eat? BBQ
Bad habits of yours: eat way too much junk food
My answers:
Describe your family: In two words--loud and expensive
How do you deal with your hair? comb and cut it.
Your first job: Mini-golf, peddle boat, and kiddie ride attendant at Coney Island.
What kind of student were/are you? lazy and catching up at the last minute.
How often do you go to the movies? Never since Dec. 2001.
Have you had to move before? Nine times from 1991 to 1999. None since 1999.
Do you have any regrets right now? Regrets? I have a few.
Do you think it is okay to date someone you met online? No, she's really a vice cop or a balding Mormon with a foot fetish.
Who was the worst teacher you ever had? Mrs. (or Miss) Brown from 8th grade science. Drunk and incompetent, she once gave a test with four 15-point questions and graded them on a scale of 100 (meaning if you got all the questions right, you got a D-).
Who do you admire? Rodney Dangerfield.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Making more money.
What things really irritate you? Cell phones.
Dumbest thing youÂ’ve ever done: Assumed that because Devilboy pooped twice that he wouldn't do it again.
What would you change about the world? You wouldn't recognize it.
Have you ever had to go to the hospital? Several times for me; a million times for Devilboy.
Have you been to another country? Once.
What are your interests? Books, mythology, wasting time on the internet.
What are you afraid of? Talking pigs.
Do you attend church regularly? Not anymore.
What was the worst date youÂ’ve ever been on? One with a fundamentalist Christian hermaphrodite.
What do you think about the war in Iraq? I keep expecting it to be a setup for a new season of Candid Camera.
What was the worst moment in your life? My life icontinuousnous worst moment.
How do you cope when you are upset? Surprisingly well.
What is your favorite thing to eat? Ice cream.
Bad habits of yours: Wasting time on memes.
Depressing Update
Well, for the second time since December of 2004, my wife is unemployed. Not that such a thing is ever good but I quit my steady day job to watch the kids during normal working hours because she was so insistent that she was on a fast track to a higher position.
Meanwhile in the deli night crew, one of the older workers slipped on the floor as it was being hosed off and broke her wrist. As the EMTs arrived and took her away on a stretcher, customers still kept coming to the counter asking for cheese.
Big fights between my wife and 13-year-old step-daughter show no signs of letting up. I'm ready to cut out my ear drums with a steak knife to get some quiet around her.
Also for some reason, Blogger is displaying the blog weirdly. Not that it's my biggest problem but it's annoying.
Well, for the second time since December of 2004, my wife is unemployed. Not that such a thing is ever good but I quit my steady day job to watch the kids during normal working hours because she was so insistent that she was on a fast track to a higher position.
Meanwhile in the deli night crew, one of the older workers slipped on the floor as it was being hosed off and broke her wrist. As the EMTs arrived and took her away on a stretcher, customers still kept coming to the counter asking for cheese.
Big fights between my wife and 13-year-old step-daughter show no signs of letting up. I'm ready to cut out my ear drums with a steak knife to get some quiet around her.
Also for some reason, Blogger is displaying the blog weirdly. Not that it's my biggest problem but it's annoying.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Devilboy Slightly Improves Sleeping Ability
After seeing the doctor for the millionth time, he suggested melatonin for Devilboy to sleep more than three hours at a time. At first it helped but last night he was up four times.
We had more run-around with Children's Hospital about autism specialists but supposedly things will be in the works at the end of the month.
Meanwhile at home, he's gone through a stage of pouring liquids on the kitchen floor. Yesterday when I went to change into work clothes, he poured a bottle of chocolate syrup (my wife's really bad idea) all over the floor and himself. The bright side is that the stuff he pours tends to smell nice--chocolate, green apple shampoo, and orange juice.
After seeing the doctor for the millionth time, he suggested melatonin for Devilboy to sleep more than three hours at a time. At first it helped but last night he was up four times.
We had more run-around with Children's Hospital about autism specialists but supposedly things will be in the works at the end of the month.
Meanwhile at home, he's gone through a stage of pouring liquids on the kitchen floor. Yesterday when I went to change into work clothes, he poured a bottle of chocolate syrup (my wife's really bad idea) all over the floor and himself. The bright side is that the stuff he pours tends to smell nice--chocolate, green apple shampoo, and orange juice.
Finally Another Post
This will make the fourth day I contributed something this March. The archives will look a tad bit hungry.
In the past week I've put together three bookcases, one of which collapsed and was completely destroyed. The other two turned out fine. I could finally unpack the rest of my books.
I had to change the locks twice. The first time I used a Schlage lock which is heavy-duty and tough to force. I know this because the first time I went out and locked the door, when I tried to get back inside it wouldn't open. I went to Lowes and bought a new lock and a crow-bar sized screwdriver, and even with the key seeming to tumble, it took about 15 minutes to tear the lock (and part of the door) apart.
It turned out it wasn't Schlage's fault--for the first time, the catch in the door knob jammed, forcing me to bust that loose as well. The Schlage had worked perfectly all along, I just didn't consider that the problem was the door knob. After seven years of working without a hitch, what are the odds of it jamming the first time I used a new deadbolt?
I replaced the lock and door knob with Kwiki-Lock. Kwiki-Locks ought to have a label saying, "If you majored in English, this is the hardware for you."
Now the door of the shower is acting up. Curtains sound pretty good.
This will make the fourth day I contributed something this March. The archives will look a tad bit hungry.
In the past week I've put together three bookcases, one of which collapsed and was completely destroyed. The other two turned out fine. I could finally unpack the rest of my books.
I had to change the locks twice. The first time I used a Schlage lock which is heavy-duty and tough to force. I know this because the first time I went out and locked the door, when I tried to get back inside it wouldn't open. I went to Lowes and bought a new lock and a crow-bar sized screwdriver, and even with the key seeming to tumble, it took about 15 minutes to tear the lock (and part of the door) apart.
It turned out it wasn't Schlage's fault--for the first time, the catch in the door knob jammed, forcing me to bust that loose as well. The Schlage had worked perfectly all along, I just didn't consider that the problem was the door knob. After seven years of working without a hitch, what are the odds of it jamming the first time I used a new deadbolt?
I replaced the lock and door knob with Kwiki-Lock. Kwiki-Locks ought to have a label saying, "If you majored in English, this is the hardware for you."
Now the door of the shower is acting up. Curtains sound pretty good.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Yes, It's that Dumb Quiz Again
I'm guessing everyone has seen this thing a few million times already but thanks to Pseudojournalist KatieG over at Innisfree, I'm hitting it again.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"important about the applicant that may not be apparent from"
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
Air (but if I leaned a little more, I could reach a bookcase).
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Goodnight Moon video. Devilboy was vaguely interested.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
11:42
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
11:27
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The dryer and absolutely nothing else.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 9:30 to take out the trash.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Innisfree courtesy of Pseudojouralist Kate.
9. What are you wearing?
Blue shorts and underwear. Devilboy jumped half a bottle of shampoo on the kitchen floor and I had to use every towel and most of my clothes to clean it up. (The place smells like green apples and the floor is damn shiny.)
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes, it was long and incoherent but the only thing I specifically remember is someone shooting at me from across an empty lot.
11. When did you last laugh?
I think when Devilboy saw me coming to clean up the shampoo and tried to run but slipped all over the floor. He had just had a bath and had to have another.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Family pictures in collage frames; a framed wedding announcement; a collector's box of little toys, fake Tyrannosaurus teeth, and fake bugs; four DVD cases; a nature picture of about 100 animals; and crayon and pencil marks.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Devilboy in the shampoo was pretty weird.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Thanks an effing lot, Katie.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Howl's Moving Castle on DVD. The Fellowship of the Ring at the theater (Dec. 2001).
16. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A new house with a yard and pool, new pre-assembled furniture, and the final season of Futurama.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
After I gave my dog a bath yesterday, my wife let him in the bedroom and he took a nap on the bed, soaking it full of wet-dog water. I did five loads of laundry today and will probably do at least four tomorrow.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Repeal the laws of physics.
19. Do you like to Dance?
No, and "Dance" shouldn't be capitalized.
20. George Bush.
Please put that in the form of a question.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
My first child is a girl.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
My first child is a girl.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I've tried dressing as a broad but I haven't got the gams for it.
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Sorry about all that.
25. 4 [sic] people who must also do this theme in their journal.
Bea Arthur, Dick Cheney, Steve "the Crocodile Hunter" Irwin, and Batman.
After finishing, I saw that Louis "Mr. TV Head" set me up for it, too. I guess just read this twice.
I'm guessing everyone has seen this thing a few million times already but thanks to Pseudojournalist KatieG over at Innisfree, I'm hitting it again.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"important about the applicant that may not be apparent from"
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
Air (but if I leaned a little more, I could reach a bookcase).
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Goodnight Moon video. Devilboy was vaguely interested.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
11:42
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
11:27
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The dryer and absolutely nothing else.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 9:30 to take out the trash.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Innisfree courtesy of Pseudojouralist Kate.
9. What are you wearing?
Blue shorts and underwear. Devilboy jumped half a bottle of shampoo on the kitchen floor and I had to use every towel and most of my clothes to clean it up. (The place smells like green apples and the floor is damn shiny.)
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes, it was long and incoherent but the only thing I specifically remember is someone shooting at me from across an empty lot.
11. When did you last laugh?
I think when Devilboy saw me coming to clean up the shampoo and tried to run but slipped all over the floor. He had just had a bath and had to have another.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Family pictures in collage frames; a framed wedding announcement; a collector's box of little toys, fake Tyrannosaurus teeth, and fake bugs; four DVD cases; a nature picture of about 100 animals; and crayon and pencil marks.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Devilboy in the shampoo was pretty weird.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Thanks an effing lot, Katie.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Howl's Moving Castle on DVD. The Fellowship of the Ring at the theater (Dec. 2001).
16. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A new house with a yard and pool, new pre-assembled furniture, and the final season of Futurama.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
After I gave my dog a bath yesterday, my wife let him in the bedroom and he took a nap on the bed, soaking it full of wet-dog water. I did five loads of laundry today and will probably do at least four tomorrow.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Repeal the laws of physics.
19. Do you like to Dance?
No, and "Dance" shouldn't be capitalized.
20. George Bush.
Please put that in the form of a question.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
My first child is a girl.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
My first child is a girl.
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I've tried dressing as a broad but I haven't got the gams for it.
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Sorry about all that.
25. 4 [sic] people who must also do this theme in their journal.
Bea Arthur, Dick Cheney, Steve "the Crocodile Hunter" Irwin, and Batman.
After finishing, I saw that Louis "Mr. TV Head" set me up for it, too. I guess just read this twice.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
One Down
I had the last regular class for English Comp. III tonight. Still on muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatory, and pain killers so it was a weird one.
I graded under the influence and actually heard one student say, "I didn't expect that high!" Looking at the results, I think the drugs added about 18 points to the standard. No complaints, but I'll feel guilty when this wears off.
I had the last regular class for English Comp. III tonight. Still on muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatory, and pain killers so it was a weird one.
I graded under the influence and actually heard one student say, "I didn't expect that high!" Looking at the results, I think the drugs added about 18 points to the standard. No complaints, but I'll feel guilty when this wears off.
Cat Killer Controversy
I just found this after the sheep and goat stories below. This looks like a bad week for the animal kingdom.
For those of you with weak stomachs, do not click. This is a Museum of Hoaxes post about a woman in China who allegedly kills kittens by grinding them to death with spiked heels.
Is it real? I don't know but the reactions of the comment crew is almost as disturbing as anything else. They make the crew at Cincinnati.blog look like the seven Solons of ancient Greece.
Okay, for the sake of an argument, forget how many people are killed in China or anything about human rights. Consider that the Chinese government harvests tigers for use in fertility "medicine." The government is constructing a dam that is guaranteed to wipe out an entire species of river dolphin. China has made James Watt seem like a tree hugger and the commenters are going ballistic over one cat?
If it turns out this is real, I hope she winds up taking the cell of one of the demonstrators for democratic freedoms. I'd bet that this is another example of "the more repressive a society, the sicker the porn." Still, I'm hoping it was faked and I'd like to put a hurt on her with a crow bar if it wasn't (but I'd like to do that to a lot of people).
I just found this after the sheep and goat stories below. This looks like a bad week for the animal kingdom.
For those of you with weak stomachs, do not click. This is a Museum of Hoaxes post about a woman in China who allegedly kills kittens by grinding them to death with spiked heels.
Is it real? I don't know but the reactions of the comment crew is almost as disturbing as anything else. They make the crew at Cincinnati.blog look like the seven Solons of ancient Greece.
Okay, for the sake of an argument, forget how many people are killed in China or anything about human rights. Consider that the Chinese government harvests tigers for use in fertility "medicine." The government is constructing a dam that is guaranteed to wipe out an entire species of river dolphin. China has made James Watt seem like a tree hugger and the commenters are going ballistic over one cat?
If it turns out this is real, I hope she winds up taking the cell of one of the demonstrators for democratic freedoms. I'd bet that this is another example of "the more repressive a society, the sicker the porn." Still, I'm hoping it was faked and I'd like to put a hurt on her with a crow bar if it wasn't (but I'd like to do that to a lot of people).
When a Fire Official Loves a Sheep
Of all the things going on in the world, why do I even care?
I guess because, on some level, I never really believed this stuff was true. But crikey!
Alcohol was involved? Now that's a surprise.
UPDATE: This is how they deal with the situation in Sudan.
Of all the things going on in the world, why do I even care?
I guess because, on some level, I never really believed this stuff was true. But crikey!
"You caught me{ellipsis}. I tried to (expletive) your sheep," Johnson told his neighbor.
Johnson's neighbor told sheriff's deputies he was called home Saturday afternoon when his 13-year-old daughter saw Johnson drag one of their sheep into a barn.
"The sheep ran out of the barn at that point," the report says.
Johnson apologized, according to the report, and said he'd had "too much to drink."
Alcohol was involved? Now that's a surprise.
"I probably do need some help."
UPDATE: This is how they deal with the situation in Sudan.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
All Hail Our Shark Overlords
"How did sharks come to rule the world in their iron fins?"
"Well, back in 2006, the Pentagon got this wacky idea."
"How did sharks come to rule the world in their iron fins?"
"Well, back in 2006, the Pentagon got this wacky idea."
My Classes Are Never This Exciting
Go to college. See a video of a man having sex with a pig.
Guess I'll send my vida to Grand Rapids Community College.
Go to college. See a video of a man having sex with a pig.
Guess I'll send my vida to Grand Rapids Community College.
Mixed Twins?
It's not that I'm saying Snopes was bamboozled on this one but. . .anyone heard about this? I didn't think the genetics behind skin color worked this way (and I got ten out ten in the 8th grade math test).
Here's an old Straight Dope column that doesn't exactly match up but it's the best I can do at short notice.
It's not that I'm saying Snopes was bamboozled on this one but. . .anyone heard about this? I didn't think the genetics behind skin color worked this way (and I got ten out ten in the 8th grade math test).
Here's an old Straight Dope column that doesn't exactly match up but it's the best I can do at short notice.
A Negative Word about Bill Gaines?
Up until now I've had only good thoughts about Bill Gaines, the genius behind Mad Magazine in its glory days, Tales from the Crypt, Weird Science, and much, much more.
Now I hear that he was responsible for the death of 3-D comics.
I don't know if I should fall into "It-must-be-true-because-it's-on-the-web" trap but this page has a good reputation.
Not that 3-D comics ever mattered to me like Alfred E. or the Old Witch but somehow. . .
And, yes, I know that Gaines never gave his writers and artists real contracts on Mad, which caused Don Martin to go to the vastly inferior Cracked.
Man, a few more posts like this and I can open my own comic shop.
Up until now I've had only good thoughts about Bill Gaines, the genius behind Mad Magazine in its glory days, Tales from the Crypt, Weird Science, and much, much more.
Now I hear that he was responsible for the death of 3-D comics.
I don't know if I should fall into "It-must-be-true-because-it's-on-the-web" trap but this page has a good reputation.
Not that 3-D comics ever mattered to me like Alfred E. or the Old Witch but somehow. . .
And, yes, I know that Gaines never gave his writers and artists real contracts on Mad, which caused Don Martin to go to the vastly inferior Cracked.
Man, a few more posts like this and I can open my own comic shop.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Crocodile News
From Australia, Granny vs. Gator (Yes, it was a crocodile but I'm a sucker for alliteration.)
From Africa, crocodile eats wedding ring (and arm).
From Australia, Granny vs. Gator (Yes, it was a crocodile but I'm a sucker for alliteration.)
From Africa, crocodile eats wedding ring (and arm).
Latest Stupid Thing
I'd love to blame it on muscle relaxants or anti-inflammatory meds but it was just plain dumb. Leaving the library, I loaded Devilboy and -girl in the car and put the books up on the luggage rack.
That triggered a bad memory of driving off with books still up there and having them scatter around the parking lot. "Boy," I thought, "I'll never do that again."
So, I'm driving down Five Mile Road and hear flap-flap-flap-flap. I had to circle around and pick up five of the six books from the middle of the road (speed limit: 50 mph). One actually stayed on the luggage rack for almost a half a mile. Two were damaged but the others were okay.
The bad thing was that the book that was hurt the most was one that I'd put on reserve for my poetry/mythology project and it turned out it was a book I'd already used.
Did I mention I scored a ten out of ten in Eighth Grade math?
I'd love to blame it on muscle relaxants or anti-inflammatory meds but it was just plain dumb. Leaving the library, I loaded Devilboy and -girl in the car and put the books up on the luggage rack.
That triggered a bad memory of driving off with books still up there and having them scatter around the parking lot. "Boy," I thought, "I'll never do that again."
So, I'm driving down Five Mile Road and hear flap-flap-flap-flap. I had to circle around and pick up five of the six books from the middle of the road (speed limit: 50 mph). One actually stayed on the luggage rack for almost a half a mile. Two were damaged but the others were okay.
The bad thing was that the book that was hurt the most was one that I'd put on reserve for my poetry/mythology project and it turned out it was a book I'd already used.
Did I mention I scored a ten out of ten in Eighth Grade math?
File Under "I don't Effing Believe It"
Studying for the GRE, I ignored math, rightfully figuring that it wouldn't play a big role in English grad school. I still scored in the 68th percentile. I guess it's the fact that I understand obscure things like "What's an eighth?"
The latest great deli question was "How many days are there in February?"
Answer: Slightly less than 28.25.
| You Passed 8th Grade Math |
 Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct! |
Studying for the GRE, I ignored math, rightfully figuring that it wouldn't play a big role in English grad school. I still scored in the 68th percentile. I guess it's the fact that I understand obscure things like "What's an eighth?"
The latest great deli question was "How many days are there in February?"
Answer: Slightly less than 28.25.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Okay--What?
Someone please make sense of this.
Normally with lunatics I can at least see some sort of a motive but what exactly was she trying to do? How would a microwaved penis help her in a drug test, no matter how hot it was?
Someone please make sense of this.
Normally with lunatics I can at least see some sort of a motive but what exactly was she trying to do? How would a microwaved penis help her in a drug test, no matter how hot it was?
Shingles and a Broken Back
Under the "what next" file:
I threw my back out and the muscle-relaxants and anti-inflammatory meds are barely helping. Devilboy knows that I can't chase him as well. When I took him to the doctor on Thursday, he broke away from me and sprinted into an elevator. I zombie-lurched and caught up to him but if I hadn't got there before the doors closed, he could have made it to anywhere in the building.
Unlike normal people who get shingles on their sides, I'm getting them on my hands, legs, and one on my lip. Nothing beats the flavor of chicken pox-laden pus oozing into your mouth.
On the bright side, the finger tip that I cut off last week is healing up.
Under the "what next" file:
I threw my back out and the muscle-relaxants and anti-inflammatory meds are barely helping. Devilboy knows that I can't chase him as well. When I took him to the doctor on Thursday, he broke away from me and sprinted into an elevator. I zombie-lurched and caught up to him but if I hadn't got there before the doors closed, he could have made it to anywhere in the building.
Unlike normal people who get shingles on their sides, I'm getting them on my hands, legs, and one on my lip. Nothing beats the flavor of chicken pox-laden pus oozing into your mouth.
On the bright side, the finger tip that I cut off last week is healing up.
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