Another Exciting Adventure of
Evil Dad and Devilboy

Evil Dad: Devilboy, I'm not accusing you of anything but all I know is that when I went to answer the phone, there were seven undefiled virgins on Cyruthulu's altar. When I got back, all I found were bloodstains and a couple bones.
Devilboy (runs into altar, knocks everything over)
ED: Now I'm not against eating an undefiled virgin once in a while but seven all at once? Haven't you seen the new food pyramid?
DB (begins punching holes in drywall with a shattered femur)
ED: It's not that I'm "anti-fun" (holding up fingers for quotation marks) but kidnaping and murder are capital crimes in this state.
DB: Bzzzzzzz.
ED: No, lethal injection.
(Doorbell rings)
ED (opens door): Hello.
Cop: Excuse me but are you responsible for these seven, hog-tied, naked virgins on your lawn? Neighbors report a demonic child tossing them out a window.
ED (sobbing): It's true, it's true. I'm an evil, sadistic worshiper of the Old Ones who seeks to end civilization as we know it.
Cop: I don't need your life story, pal. But this is Hamilton County. Get those naked chicks out of public view!
ED: Of course, officer (piles them on remains of altar). I'm terribly sorry if I offended anyone.
Cop: I would fracture your skull but you're white and live in the suburbs.
ED: Yes, officer. Thank you, officer (shuts door) Well, thank goodness that cleared itself up. Hey, where's my Ukrainian A-bomb? DEVILBOY!

Join us next week for another exciting adventure of Evil Dad and Devilboy when we'll hear one of the virgins say, "I can't say I'm thankful for abstinence-only education right about now."