Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Yet Another Exciting Adventure of
Evil Dad and Devilboy

Evil Dad: Ugh, Devilboy woke up sixteen times last night. I haven't had a wink of sleep since last Thanksgiving. If I'm ever going to get that portal to the Dark Dimensions open today, I'm going to need a jolt of caffeine. (opens refrigerator--a wave of putrid ooze sprays out)
Devilboy (waking up): Hah-ha!
ED: Sweet Momma Cyruthulu! Did you turn off the fridge again, you little punk? The milk's gone bad, the cheese is green, and lime jello dripped all over this severed head of a Peruvian sorcerer!
PS: Tu madre es una puta!
ED: Stuff it, you! (Begins shoving mess in trash bag) This did it, Devilboy! You're really in trouble now!
Voice: Not so fast, partner.
ED: Wha-- (gasps) Dee Snider of Twisted Sister?
DS: That's right, and I'm here to tell you that yelling at children doesn't solve anything. All that does is cause them to whirl about violently, change into me, and sing "I Wanna Rock" or "We're Not Gonna Take It."
ED: What about "Stay Hungry"?
DS: Don't go there.
ED: Well, I can't take it anymore. Devilboy breaks everything I own. He's spread death and destruction to all corners of the earth and now he's spoiled my cheese. I think a time-out is in order.
DS: Don't make me sing my 1986 cover of "Leader of the Pack."
ED: I'll be quiet.
DS: Good, now instead of getting mad, try to relate to your child. Don't get irate--communicate.
ED: But what about the refrigerator?
DS: Buy some new stuff. It's not like there's a food shortage.
ED: Actually millions of people starve to death every year.
DS: In Ohio?
ED: You're right! Devilboy, let's go to the store. I'll even buy you a cookie!
DS: That's more like it. I'll give you a lift. (opens door) Hey, what the hell happened to my Mercedes? And I had six kilos in the trunk!
ED: Well, it's not like Columbia is going anywhere.
DS: I'll kill you, Devilboy! You're a disgrace! You make me sick! And is that a pledge-pin on your uniform?
ED (pulls lever, dropping Snider to a pool of waiting crocodiles): That's about enough out of you (to Devilboy) Did that bad man scare you, Devilboy? Let's get you two cookies!
DB (chewing on license plate): Brecchhhhhh! (vomits half a kilo into crocodile pit)

Join us next week for another exciting adventure of Evil Dad and Devilboy when we'll hear the Peruvian sorcerer say, "Doesn't anybody recycle anymore?" [in Spanish]

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