Yet Another Exciting Adventure of
Evil Dad and Devilboy
Evil Dad: Listen, Devilboy, I need you to behave for just 15 minutes. Please, please, please, be good. This is the most important interview of my life.
Devilboy (stares blankly)
ED: Don't fuss! If your babysitter hadn't mysteriously vanished, I could have left you with her.
ED: Just stay put. Here's some firecrackers and hamsters to play with. If you're good, I'll kidnap a cheerleader when we get home.
Satrina (opens door): The Lord of Darkness will see you now.
ED: (to Devilboy) This shouldn't take long. (enters Satan's chambers)
Satan: Have a seat. (shuffles papers) I see you have reference letters from Vruuigh the Undying, Charles Manson, and Rupert Murdoch.
ED: Charles, Vruuigh, and Rupert speak quite highly of you, sir.
Satan: Yeah, Rupie-boy damn well better. And I see you helped write the lyrics to Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On." The Seventh Circle informs me it was responsible for 32% of all suicides in 1998.
ED: I can't take full credit. Celine is truly a master of torture.
Satan: (chuckles) I taught her well, and--
Satrina: Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but--
Satan: Hey, I'm talking here. (to ED) So why are you leaving your position with Cyruthulu?
ED: I have nothing but positive things to say about Cyruthulu but lately I've been having problems with conjuring her in conjunction with my plans to desolate the earth.
Satan: That's odd. Normally she's quite accommodating.
ED: Normally, yes. There've been. . . issues.
Satan: Not now! (to ED) So what would you say is your greatest weakness?
ED: I do such a good job at everything I do that co-workers develop debilitating inferiority complexes.
Satan: Good, and, if you could be any type of animal, what kind would you be?
ED: A Tyrannosaurus! No, wait--a giant spider!
Satrina: Sir, you really need to hear this.
Satrina: A deranged child is out there, raising, well, you know. Seven of the Circles are already demolished.
Satan: Even the Circle of Virtuous Pagans?
Satrina: Especially the Circle of Virtuous Pagans. He gnawed off Socrates' leg.
ED: I told him to stop doing that!
Satrina: And he knocked Sisyphus's rock over the hill. His torment is ended.
Sisyphus (off-stage): Hot diggity, I'm heading to Elysium Fields!
Satan: Aww man, and he was from Classical Greek mythology. That rock thingy gave this crap-hole a much needed air of sophistication!
Satrina: And Hitler's Sphincter-Sprinkler is in pieces.
Hitler: Mein Gott, the relief!
Satan: Don't tell me--Stalin?
Satrina: Stalin, Pol Pot, Nixon: the whole place is in shambles. And you know those fish hooks of frozen blood and acid beetles you had put aside for Kissinger?
Satan: Crap! That took months to set up!
ED: (Grabs Devilboy as he is about to chew off Satan's tail) Heh-heh, just think of commanding all this devastation in the final battle.
Satan: You jackass! A few more hours of him and Hell will be a second Limbo! Get out! And take that, that, that monster with you! You're banned for eternity!
(Infernal gates slam shut)
ED: Just great! That's Hell and Kings Island! I can't take you anywhere!
DB: Burrpp. (parts of babysitter spray out to Second Circle)
Some time in the unforeseen future, join us again Evil fans for another exciting adventure of Evil Dad and Devilboy!