I was in a Good Mood

Last night, after class at Anderson High School, I was going to check the class roster but tried to stop by www.aprayerfordawn.com. The computer died. I'm not sure if it was the porn-blocker or a special boobie trap, but I was through computing for the night. Apparently AHS computers run on Windows 95 (or at least the one I had did). The school is incredibly well maintained so I wonder if a "we-can't-buy-a-new-one-til-the-old-one-breaks" mentality is holding them back (or if slower systems make surfing for porn too inefficient).

Today at Stephanie's blog over a posting about modern families, I realized that my wife still hasn't used the steam cleaner (she took months to learn how to turn on the new vacuum). To my knowledge, she has only cleaned her cat's litter box once since she was pregnant with our now five-year old daughter. On two different occasions, I tried to force her to clean it by not doing it myself. Both times I gave up. She complained about the smell but refused to do it herself. Okay, I know that most women do more housework than men--how'd I get so lucky?

Then someone brought up schools at the Cincinnati blog. Any school district that still uses Windows 95 isn't perfect but it's nothing compared to Cincinnati Public. Coming home from a day helping out at CPS, leaves you feeling as if you didn't do nearly enough and that even if you could, you still wouldn't make a dent in the problems. At Forest Hills, you come home thinking "that was nice but they could have got along without me." If Cincinnati ever decides that schools are as important as a stadium, maybe things will get better but I'm not holding my breath.

Otherwise, D-boy is just breaking things as usual. I'll stabilize soon.

Yet Another Exciting Adventure of
Evil Dad and Devilboy

Evil Dad: Ugh, Devilboy woke up sixteen times last night. I haven't had a wink of sleep since last Thanksgiving. If I'm ever going to get that portal to the Dark Dimensions open today, I'm going to need a jolt of caffeine. (opens refrigerator--a wave of putrid ooze sprays out)
Devilboy (waking up): Hah-ha!
ED: Sweet Momma Cyruthulu! Did you turn off the fridge again, you little punk? The milk's gone bad, the cheese is green, and lime jello dripped all over this severed head of a Peruvian sorcerer!
PS: Tu madre es una puta!
ED: Stuff it, you! (Begins shoving mess in trash bag) This did it, Devilboy! You're really in trouble now!
Voice: Not so fast, partner.
ED: Wha-- (gasps) Dee Snider of Twisted Sister?
DS: That's right, and I'm here to tell you that yelling at children doesn't solve anything. All that does is cause them to whirl about violently, change into me, and sing "I Wanna Rock" or "We're Not Gonna Take It."
ED: What about "Stay Hungry"?
DS: Don't go there.
ED: Well, I can't take it anymore. Devilboy breaks everything I own. He's spread death and destruction to all corners of the earth and now he's spoiled my cheese. I think a time-out is in order.
DS: Don't make me sing my 1986 cover of "Leader of the Pack."
ED: I'll be quiet.
DS: Good, now instead of getting mad, try to relate to your child. Don't get irate--communicate.
ED: But what about the refrigerator?
DS: Buy some new stuff. It's not like there's a food shortage.
ED: Actually millions of people starve to death every year.
DS: In Ohio?
ED: You're right! Devilboy, let's go to the store. I'll even buy you a cookie!
DS: That's more like it. I'll give you a lift. (opens door) Hey, what the hell happened to my Mercedes? And I had six kilos in the trunk!
ED: Well, it's not like Columbia is going anywhere.
DS: I'll kill you, Devilboy! You're a disgrace! You make me sick! And is that a pledge-pin on your uniform?
ED (pulls lever, dropping Snider to a pool of waiting crocodiles): That's about enough out of you (to Devilboy) Did that bad man scare you, Devilboy? Let's get you two cookies!
DB (chewing on license plate): Brecchhhhhh! (vomits half a kilo into crocodile pit)

Join us next week for another exciting adventure of Evil Dad and Devilboy when we'll hear the Peruvian sorcerer say, "Doesn't anybody recycle anymore?" [in Spanish]

Oh Dear God

Latest trend via Snopes.

Not As Bad

Boy, the Museum of Hoaxes will post some sick stuff.

Library List

Here's something fairly boring (I swear I'll get some Devilboy stuff soon) but if you're interested in what's on the library card:

Kids’ Books

Safari babies. McCurry, Kristen.
Baby pets. Miller, Margaret,
Dog's birthday : a touch and feel book Dodd, Emma,
What shall I grow? Gibson, Ray
The mixed-up chameleon Carle, Eric.
Daring Dog and Captain Cat Adoff, Arnold
The little green dragon steps out Baumgart, Klaus.
Zany zoo Matthews, Derek.
Maisy takes a bath Cousins, Lucy.
It could have been worse Benjamin, A. H.
You bad dog! Baker, Leslie A.
No, David! Shannon, David,
Ready or not, Dawdle Duckling Buzzeo, Toni.
Teen Titans : a kid's game Johns, Geoff,
Big bratty book of Bart Simpson
Spider-girl DeFalco, Tom
Lunchtime for a purple snake Ziefert, Harriet.
Franklin says I love you Bourgeois, Paulette

Kids’ Videos
Inspector Gadget 2
Popeye's voyage: the quest for Pappy
What's new Scooby-Doo?. Space ape at the cape
What's new Scooby-Doo? Safari, so goodi! (Sad to say, the latest version of Scooby Doo is by far the best ever. Gen Xers weep at the thought.)
Blue's clues. Arts and crafts
Pokémon advanced. Volume eight, Jump for joy
Pokémon advanced. Volume eight, Jump for joy (Good God, we checked this piece of crap out twice?)

Kids’ CDs
Early childhood classics : old favorites with a new twist Palmer, Hap,
Rocket ship beach Zanes, Dan.
Blue's big musical movie
Spirit, stallion of the Cimarron: music from the original motion picture Adams, Bryan
Big rock rooster Daddy A Go Go

My Books
The age of the gods, a study in the origins of culture in prehistoric Europe and the ancient East Dawson, Christopher,
One more time : the best of Mike Royko
From absurd to Zeitgeist : the compact guide to literary terms Morner, Kathleen.
Brief definitions of all essential literary terms Elkhadem, Saad.
The magic of M.C. Escher Escher, M. C. (Maurits Cornelis),
1,001 facts about dinosaurs Clark, Neil.
National Geographic prehistoric mammals Turner, Alan,
Dr. Seuss & Mr. Geisel : a biography Morgan, Judith.
Unsolved mysteries of American history : an eye-opening journey through 500 years of discoveries, disappearances, and baffling events Aron, Paul
Everything you didn't need to know about the USA Farrington, Karen.

Indulgences

I mentioned something about indulgences a while back. Here's the Church's explanation. Here's Chick's.

I think a good number of people consider themselves Catholic just to piss off the Chicks of the world.

Another Exciting Adventure of
Evil Dad and Devilboy

Evil Dad: Devilboy, I'm not accusing you of anything but all I know is that when I went to answer the phone, there were seven undefiled virgins on Cyruthulu's altar. When I got back, all I found were bloodstains and a couple bones.
Devilboy (runs into altar, knocks everything over)
ED: Now I'm not against eating an undefiled virgin once in a while but seven all at once? Haven't you seen the new food pyramid?
DB (begins punching holes in drywall with a shattered femur)
ED: It's not that I'm "anti-fun" (holding up fingers for quotation marks) but kidnaping and murder are capital crimes in this state.
DB: Bzzzzzzz.
ED: No, lethal injection.
(Doorbell rings)
ED (opens door): Hello.
Cop: Excuse me but are you responsible for these seven, hog-tied, naked virgins on your lawn? Neighbors report a demonic child tossing them out a window.
ED (sobbing): It's true, it's true. I'm an evil, sadistic worshiper of the Old Ones who seeks to end civilization as we know it.
Cop: I don't need your life story, pal. But this is Hamilton County. Get those naked chicks out of public view!
ED: Of course, officer (piles them on remains of altar). I'm terribly sorry if I offended anyone.
Cop: I would fracture your skull but you're white and live in the suburbs.
ED: Yes, officer. Thank you, officer (shuts door) Well, thank goodness that cleared itself up. Hey, where's my Ukrainian A-bomb? DEVILBOY!

Join us next week for another exciting adventure of Evil Dad and Devilboy when we'll hear one of the virgins say, "I can't say I'm thankful for abstinence-only education right about now."

The Adventures of Evil Dad and Devilboy II

On Nathan's suggestion, I'll try to continue the series with many injuries based on real life. For those of you just joining us, Devilboy is a freakishly large two-year old who is often mistaken for four or five (usually thinking he's his five-year old sister's twin--Moderatelybehavedgirl). No one is sure if he has a real disorder (he has behavior like autism but doesn't have the physical traits like adnormal head size), is just unusually hyper, or is really part devil.

He's been kicked out of his daycare because he moves so quickly and erratically that he can hurt other children by accident. Physical pain means little to Devilboy and the word "No!" only makes him put his hands over his ears and moan strange noises (very similar to Rainman).

But enough of this, on with :

We begin in the lair of Evil Dad, ready to sacrifice three victims in an arcane ceremony designed to reviving the Old Gods

Evil Dad (in a sinister voice): You three have the honor of becoming Cyruthulu's first earthly snacks. Isn't that right, Devilboy?
Devilboy (grabs smoking urn and pours it on Evil Dad's foot)
ED (in a higher voice): No, no, no! We need that for torture and stuff!
(Devilboy loses interest and begins running amok)
ED: Be careful! Do you know how hard it is to get yak urine out of satin?
(DB finds cell phone and dials randomly)
Phone: Hello, 9-1-1. [Note: he has done this twice in real life]
ED: Uh, sorry sir, looks like my pet monkey got out of his cage again.
Phone: You again? Idiot!
ED: Okay, back to the ritual. Let the blood-letting begin--hey, wait, where'd the other two guys go?
Victim 3: Devilboy chewed through our ropes just before he dropped your watch in the toilet.
ED: Uh, well then, why'd you stay?
V3: I wanted to see what he'd do with that anvil.
ED: What anvi-- (SSSPPLLAATTT)

Join us once again for another exciting adventure of EVIL DAD AND DEVILBOY!

Devilboy Update

After yesterday's post, I thought I should include this. While I was playing with him last night, he suddenly jerked his toy motorcycle and caught its handle bars in my eye socket. Unlike the time at the library when he got his fingernails stuck in the inner membranes of the socket, I got it out clean but it knocked my contact over four feet (some of it might have been from my head spasming).

Maybe he's more aware of things than I thought.

Really Bad MO

I only make light of this situation because it is so preposterous. Anyone with children can tell you that any brat capable of being trained like this would slit your throat at the soonest available minute and be off with your car and liquor cabinet.

This is how I would envision things if I tried to use Devilboy in such a scheme:

Evil Version of Me: Okay, go up to that woman and give her this piece of paper.
Devilboy (stares blankly and scratches himself)
EVM: Listen! Take this paper and give it to someone you want to see hurt.
DB (Takes paper and gives it back to me)
EVM (Shoves paper in his hand): No! Give-this-paper-to-that-woman!
DB (Looks at paper and eats it)
EVM: Stop! You're ruining my dreams of successful serial murder! Take, uh, just memorize this address.
DB (sees raccoon; chases and kills it)
Innocent Victim: Excuse me but is that your child dancing in a spray of raccoon guts?
EVM: Why, no. But would you mind pressing this doorbell?
IV: Which doorbell?
EVM: This one (ZAAAPPP) AAAARRRGGGHH!!!

Okay, so it's not Tennessee Williams but it should show you that this isn't something to worry about.

Top Ten Ways for the Vatican to Raise Money

It's no secret that decreases in donations by American Catholics have hurt the Church financially. Now with a new pope who promises to maintain the line on birth control, male-only clergy, and hard-line divorce, here's how the Holy See can adapt:

10. Wiretap Kennedy confessionals.

9. Meat cleaver + microwave = ancient relics.

8. Forget the Gregorian calendar. Upgrade to Gatesian.

7. Add your face to Sistine Cathedral? $15,000 even.

6. Let's just say the Whore of Babylon might not be so figurative.

5. Statues! Statues! Statues! Gettem while they're hot!

4. Say hello to Cardinal Hasselhoff (the new guy's German).

3. Reveal secret gospel, the one with vampires and martians.

2. Open storage locker #433329-8, release Satan.

and the number one way to raise cash--

1. $59.99 down and Saturday sins don't count.

Albino Animals

If I didn't have kids, I would never go into the children's section of the library. (In fact, without kids, I'd probably have enough money that I'd just buy books and not go to the library at all.) On the flip side, without kids I would never have run into a number of decent books, including Kelly Milner Halls' Albino Animals. Although written for children, it still has many facts about albinos and animals in general that I appreciated far more than my five-year old.

--Not only do albinos stand out to predators and prey, many die from sunburns and skin cancer. Snowflake, a male albino gorilla brought to captivity in 1966, died of skin cancer in 2003 despite efforts to limit his time in direct sunlight (skin cancer is virtually unknown in normal gorillas). Their eyes are vulnerable to UV radiation and often go blind. Even the genes that cause albinism are also linked to Chediak-higashi Syndrome, a disorder that causes fevers and illness. Albino plants lack green chlorophyll so starve to death shortly after sprouting. There was no mention of flesh-eating plants so I wonder how an albino Venus-flytrap would make out.

--In Utah, when fishermen complained that game officials weren't stocking lakes with enough fish, officials began including albino fish to the fishing spots. Albinos were easy to see in the water even if they weren't biting so complaints immediately dropped.

--Despite the claims in the bad movie Albino Alligator,
real albino alligators are not sickly or weak if kept in the right environment. Albino alligators and other reptiles are at special risk from sunburns and skin cancer because they bask in the sun so often but an albino raised in a warm, dark place would be no weaker than a regular reptile. John Brueggen of the St. Augustine Alligator Farm says, "Head to head against normal alligators their size, I'd say the match would be about even."

One reason you don't see many albino alligators is that commercial alligator farms hatch almost only male babies. Alligator eggs develop as females if heated to 85 degrees and male if heated to about 90. Since males grow faster, earning the breeders more money, all 30 of Florida's albino alligators are male.

-- Axolotls, Mexican salamanders that keep gills their entire lives, are all used in laboratory experiments. If their eyes are cut out, their power of regeneration is so great, that if the eyes are simply put back in the socket, the optic nerve will reattach, and sight will return in a few weeks. If we could only reproduce this ability, we could cure many paraplegics and other with nerve damage.

--The Brotherhood of Mutant Orcas--In 1970 near Vancouver Island, a pod of killer whales was discovered with each member showing some sort of deformity or unusual trait. The most famous, named Chimo, was albino but others had deformed facial features and malformed jaws. It's unclear if this occurred by chance or if they left original pods to band together. Chimo was captured and maintained in captivity but died within two years of Chediak-higashi Syndrome.

--Although Cincinnati is home to many of the world's white tigers, up until 2003, only two true albino tigers have ever been reported and even they were unconfirmed. In the Mahendra Chaudhury Zoo in 2003, a tiger that keepers claimed was albino was born. I wanted to find more information about them but my googling skills aren't coming up with anything. Here's something at least.

--In humans there are two main types of albinism: Oculocutaneous albinism (OCA) and Ocular albinism (OC). OCA are completely albino; OC have normally colored skin and hair but red eyes. About 18,000 albino people live in the U.S. More on albino humans here and here

Updates

I stopped by Kroger earlier today. The older of the two quitters (the one who could tell time) was back working. I knew they were hard up for deli workers but it still surprised me. I wonder how many customers could I poison before I was fired.

All politics aside, the papal elections could come back to haunt the Vatican. The Vatican's budget is worse than the U.S. (in terms of GNP) but they seem happy to keep operating in the red. I've heard some conservatives already treating this as a victory but everything I've heard about Ratzinger makes Bush look like Jesse Jackson. If he has pro-American values, of any party, I'm not aware of them. I do feel for the Poles, losing a Polish pope and getting a German. ("Well, at least he isn't Russian.")

My brother-in-law's trial is scheduled for tomorrow. With my sister-in-law keeping up her wall of silence, I'll probably have to call the courthouse to find what happened. The last I heard, my niece is still living away from home--probably the best thing possible.

Openings at Kroger

I picked the wrong day to work this week.

Yesterday one of the older employees (older in age; started working at the store in November) got angry at two of the twenty-something workers and walked off. Management is still trying to lure her back--leaving your shift after telling a manager that you quit is considered a "maybe."

A few hours later, a 19-year old cursed out one of the managers to his face. She's done this repeatedly--even calling customers "assholes" while taking their orders--but never got in serious trouble before. This time the manager dared to talk back which set her in a frenzy.

She went upstairs to the main management offices and told them all to "fuck off," "fuck Krogers," and "suck my balls." (This last point seems to indicate that she doesn't have the firmest grasp of mammalian anatomy.) I have heard conflicting reports but apparently she knocked a display over and stormed out.

This is the same worker who can't tell time on analog clocks (she defended herself by saying that she can read digital clocks with no problems). She also had a crack dealer confront her in the store about money she owed (police were called and she got the rest of the day off).

Today was murder--everybody in Anderson bought at least three pounds of lunchmeat and we were short two people. I doubt if she's the type to come back with a shotgun but I'm glad I'm not scheduled until next Sunday.

Vatican Suspense

Still going.

I doubt if it will happen but I'd love to see a black pope. Clinton County already has anti-Catholic yard signs as it is. With a black pope, they'd probably all head down to their bunkers.

Passing for Clothed

Hoax Museum has a series of pictures of a woman wearing nothing but shoes and body paint. I remember this sort of scenario from a Heinlein novel. I can accept a man or woman walking about with clothes painted waist up but I'm skeptical of waist down. I'd feel awfully sorry for a man who could get away with it.

Oscar

For the first time, I assigned The Importance of Being Earnest for a class and everyone seemed to enjoy it more than anything else all semester.

It wasn't until I talked a little about Wilde's life that it really struck me how tragic it was. Sure, everyone knows the Reading Gaol but every little thing he did was painful. Tried to marry only to lose the girl to Bram Stoker (that had to hurt); tried to cure syphilis with mercury, only to have it turn his teeth black and leave the syphilis unchecked; the whole "The author is Wilde but his poetry is tame" reviews; touring America and mocked by morons (I never knew that Wilde toured into the Old West--he described the miners and cowboys as "polished and refined compared with the people I met in larger cities back East.")

It also struck me that for the drama section, lifespans decreased with time. Sophocles lived from 496 B.C. to 406, Shakespeare from 1564 to 1616, but poor Oscar only lived to 46. That might be an argument to include Death of a Salesman.

The Horrors

Snopes reminds movie-goers that Amityville was a hoax, and not even a good one at that. One of the sources I've read claimed that it was a scam to get out the mortgage. I'd like to see a breakdown to where the royalty money went.

Beating the Dead Horse

I wouldn't think about this so much if I could just see where the pro-"Redskin" is coming from. I can understand issues based on law, science, law, history, religion or morality, but this has nothing going for it (if you disagree, please explain why).

Many names have no real meaning behind them. The words "perro" and "dog" both mean the same thing and only are used by a convention of language--we have to call them something.

Other names reflect a degree of reality by using sounds ("buzz" reflects the sound a bee makes) or existing images from other words ("catfish"--a fish with whiskers of like a cat). "Anderson High School" is a high school located in Anderson Township. That maintains a sense of logic. Of course, if anyone showed a decent reason, you could argue that the name "Anderson" itself should be changed but I'm not aware of any suggestions to do so. (If Bill Gates offered every resident one million dollars, I'd have no problem with "Gates Township.)

Some names have a sense of poetry behind them-- "The Reading Redskins" would at least have alliteration going for them. "Anderson Redskins" doesn't anything but a basic functional purpose--we have to call them something.

Would anyone care if FDR replaced Hamilton or Wilson replaced Jackson on our money? Would anyone care if the F-16 replaced the bald eagle? The flag is changed everything we add a new state. If someday we have so many states, would people object to replacing the stars entirely? If the flag, something infinitely more important than any sports mascot, can survive multiple changes over the years, couldn't Anderson High School?

Pride vs. Self-Esteem

Conservatives often attack the concept of "Self-Esteem," claiming that telling everyone "you're special" makes the word "special" meaningless.

For the most part, I think they're right. No one should feel bad about themselves for no reason--teaching self-esteem in terms of race, sex, and related issues is great but telling every kid that "you're the absolute bees' knees!" just creates delusion. I wish I could videotape some of the students who admit, "I'm not a very good writer and this isn't my best paper but I think I deserve better than a 'B.'"

What I don't think conservatives recognize is that the word "pride" functions the same way. Saying "I'm proud to be American" makes sense and might even spur the speaker into positive actions. What I've heard a lot lately is "I'm proud of the name 'Redskin.'"

None of the people I've heard this from are Indians (at least that I know of). One of Anderson's school colors is orange. Are people proud of orange? If a dye shortage caused orange uniforms to be more expensive would they object to changing to red?

Saying "I have good self-esteem about being black/Catholic/blind/female/Martian/etc." makes sense. Saying "I have good self-esteem about being the greatest person who ever lived" doesn't (unless you can back it up).

Saying "I'm proud to be an American" makes sense. "I'm proud of my high school sports mascot" does not (unless he dove into a river to save a drowning baby).

I've been told that I just don't understand but instead of trying to make me understand, the person I'm talking to either gets mad or refuses to comment. Could someone at least try to explain?

Update

We caught the last hamster last night but not before the dog tried to eat it. Everyone seemed fine this morning.

Had to have my daughter's tooth pulled before health and dental insurance kick in (for the moment I'm in the 14% or so without any health insurance). Total costs were cheaper than paying for COBRA benefits.

We got plenty back on federal taxes but owe about $250 for state. I've waited to mail it out until today.

Another sleepless night. D-boy didn't pass out until about 6:00 but slept so long I decided to risk going on-line. Normally his favorite game is "yank the modem out of the wall."

Penn and Teller's Bullshit!

I finished up the second season of Bullshit! a while back. It's funny and provides a skeptical POV that needs a voice but sometimes I wished they'd tighten their focus.

One of the episodes looked into the historic and scientific accuracy of the Bible. Penn began by claiming that there are two conflicting stories of creation in the Bible, something fundamentalists argue is completely wrong.

Surprisingly, the fundies are right--there's not two conflicting creation stories in the Bible: there's three.

Psalm 74 tells the story of how Jehova killed the Leviathan (New Internation Version translation) or dragon (most others) and used its body to make the world. Greek, Sumerian, Babylonian, Norse, and even Central American myths have similar stories but for some reason, backers of Intelligent Design keep silent on the scientific and historic infallibility of God using a dragon's head to make the world.

They also left out that the Bible claims the value of pi is 3.0 exactly (I Kings 7:23 and 2 Chronicles 4:2). If the Bible is scientifically accurate, shouldn't fundamentalists demand cars made with tires conforming to this measure of pi?

Penn spent a while on the issue of if Jesus even existed. Robert Silverberg once suggested (not to seriously) that Socrates was just a character made up by Plato. As unlikely as that may be, I think it's more probable than Jesus being simply a story. The show admitted that two ancient historians wrote about Jesus (I'm aware of at least three others) without even hinting that he wasn't an existing person. Yes, it's possible that Jesus wasn't real (just as it's possible that Socrates or George Washington were simply constructs) but even if I did believe that, I wouldn't spend time on it during an hour long program when I could get to topics that could be proven one way or the other.

That episode offended my wife but not nearly as much as their look at exercise and fitness. Earlier this morning UPS dropped off an $80 box of vitamin/energizer pills. P&T pretty much showed these to be worthless but I don't expect my wife to stop buying them.

Another episode that was good but could have been stronger was their look at "Death Inc." (the business of funeral homes and undertakers). They exposed many of the scams used to sell people expensive caskets (including pillows in caskets used for cremations) and talked to a Catholic priest who is battling the funeral home industry (as Penn put it, "How pissed does a priest have to be to team up with us?") However, they spent a lot of time focused on trivial issues like a couple of self-proclaimed vampires, one of which sucked the other's blood. (What are the grammar rules for vampires? Should it be "one of which" or "one of whom"? I'm betting nobody cares.)

Other than The Sopranos and Simpsons, this is the only show I think is worth watching but I they'd get a little edgier. I know that's a lot to ask--most of the country is shocked to hear Jesus probably didn't have blue eyes.

Can Someone Who Speaks German Be All Bad?
(Simpsons reference for the unwashed)

Remember the German cannibal who interviewed and selected a willing victim/partner?

I would have gone home already but I'm obsessed with this case (I haven't watched or read anything about Jackson's).

Redskin Editorial

Earlier I mentioned that the Anderson classroom where I teach has this taped to the door.

Although I would favor changing the name, I think Galvin is just provoking opponents with this. Wouldn't a "what's-the-big-deal" argument work better than "we'll-bury-you"?

Again, maybe it's because my high school called their teams "The Eagles" but why does anyone care about the name? I could see the point in something unusual like the Bearcats (although I wouldn't give a rat's ass if they changed that either). If people from Norway complained about NKU's name of "The Norsemen," what would be the big deal about changing it? The argument goes that schools seek to honor the people they name themselves after--why honor someone who doesn't appreciate it?

I'm a tiny bit Powhatan and a lot Irish. I don't feel the least bit offended by Redskins but, if some people do, why not change it to Celtics? (Is there anyone who really is offended by Fighting Irish?)

My thoughts are that it's the people on the team that counts, not the name or the mascot.

Was Walt a Nazi?

I'm sure this won't interest anyone else but I've spent thousands on Disney video and line extensions.

I guess after driving a Ford, it isn't such a big deal.

Hamsters and Devil-Spawn

The day you knew was coming has arrived: Devilboy knocked over one of the hamster cages and nearly shattered another. After moving all the furniture in the room, I found one (it had crawled to the bathroom and was hiding behind the toilet) but the other is still at large.

I'm checking E-bay for kid-sized straight jackets.

School Board

Wes suggested that I run for Forest Hills School Board. I have no money to spend on a campaign but it could be fun. Although my mom lives in Cincinnati, so I might not get even a single vote.

Losing It

Devilboy has not been sleeping well so I've been getting up with him two or three times a night, sometimes hours on a stretch. Life without daycare is wearing me out even with fewer classes. Thankfully there aren't nearly as many students in the Anderson High School classes as in a standard Clermont College class.

It just came to me today that I've been changing diapers for five years, two months, and eleven days without break. I've washed my hands so many times that I no longer have fingerprints.

Race in Myth

A while back I read Myths and Legends of the Congo by Jan Knappert. African myths have strange narrative pacing and structures compared to Europe and Asia (most American myths probably would seem just as different but most of them were substantially influenced by Europeans before written down).

One of the strangest things about the myths of the Congo was their take on racial issues. Many myths address race, from Noah's sons to the chariot of the sun burning Africans black, but all the ones I've seen (European, Mid-Eastern, and Asian) make subtle or not-so-subtle claims that "other races are tolerable but we're the best." The Congo is very different.

The first racial story comes from the Alur tribe who believed that one of their ancestors was traveling one day and found the Son of God dead near the road (many African mythologies are midway between monotheistic and polytheistic with one GOD and many minor gods). The Alur walked on without doing anything. Next the ancestor of white men came by. He stopped buried the body and covered it with sweet-smelling leaves. When it came time for God to give men weapons, he gave black men bow and arrows but gave guns to the whites, granting them an unbeatable advantage in war.

It would make sense if an American tribe had a similar myth, but I've never heard of anything like this. Most religions hold tough to the "We're the Chosen Few," not "God likes you best."

Another racial myth comes from the Nkundo tribe who live in the middle of the Congo basin (sometimes unflatteringly described as the "armpit" of the Congo River). They call their land Ngimôkili ("Middle Land" or "Middle Earth"). Many of their legends concern Lianja (somewhat equivalent of King Arthur) and Bongenge (somewhat equivalent of Merlin).

Yendembe, one of Lianja's unmarried daughters, was obviously pregnant but swore she was a virgin. Bongenge soothed the situation by divining that the father was a god and Yendembe would give birth to twins. These twins were freaks with white skin who at the ages of 15 chose to live apart from the rest of humanity. Away by themselves, they invented pens to write with, learned to forge iron, and even built an iron boat. Lianja and his people were astounded but the king kept on friendly terms with his grandchildren and regarded them as family.

Compared to the story of Noah's son Ham or the racial myths told by the Nation of Islam, the Nkundo's story is inspirational. Considering the state of nations along the Congo, I wonder if such goodwill is still flowing, but it is nice to see a religion based on a degree of brotherhood and tolerance (of course, they were brutalized by cultures with religions built on less noble themes).

Source of All Our Evils

Everyone has heard that violent video games, gangster rap, and pornography are the roots of all crime. Before the electronic era, morons were reduced to blaming comic books and jazz. Of course, to Professor Henry Hill it was pool. But the award for the most idiotic reason to blame for juvenile delinquency and crime in general has to go to Mrs. Sarah Trimmer.

Trimmer lived from 1741 to 1810 and crusaded against fairy tales. She especially hated Cinderella which she claimed encouraged "envy, jealousy, a dislike for mothers-in-law and half-sisters, vanity, [and] a love of dress." I'd bet she would be a huge fan of Tomb Raider.

Best and Worst Presidents

A few days ago I picked up Rating the Presidents: A Ranking of U.S. Leaders From the Great and Honorable to the Dishonest and Incompetent from the library.

The rankings are based on five categories: Leadership Qualities, Accomplishments and Crisis Management, Political Skill, Appointments, and Character and Integrity.

Overall, the top ten picks were Lincoln, FDR, Washington, Jefferson, T.Roosevelt, Wilson, Truman, Jackson, Eisenhower, and Madison.

The bottom ten were (starting with the worst) Harding, Buchanan, A.Johnson, Grant, Pierce, Fillmore, W.Harrison, Tyler, Coolidge, and Nixon. Even though Nixon comes in 32nd place, he's given the 41st spot for Character and Integrity.

Clinton is ranked 23rd (38th in character), G.H.W.Bush as 22nd (24th in character), Reagan 26th (39th in character), and Carter 19th (5th in character).

James Knox Polk is ranked 11th overall and 20th in character. For the president who shoulders most of the blame for the Mexican War, I would have thought he'd be much lower. Personally I would rank the war with Mexico as the single worst act America has ever committed (but thanks to Germany, North Korea, and Argentina we still wind up smelling like roses) so I'd place Polk much lower than 20th.

Millard Fillmore who signed onto the Compromise of 1850 and the Fugitive Slave Law ranked 36th overall and 31st for character. How this could be better than hard-drinking and making bad choices in friends (Grant with 32nd) or being an ineffective fop (Buchanan 36th), I'll never know.

Jackson ranked 8th with character. I think I'd weigh the Trail of Tears a wee bit more harshly.

I did enjoy the book and it provided good information about several of the mediocre presidents, Chester A. Arthur particularly, but I did wonder about the character category.

Thought Police

I mentioned this a while back but never followed up.

According to Robert Silverberg in "Fantasies about Fiction," Jan Richman, a writing instructor teaching at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco asked her class to read a story with a strongly unsympathetic character to get a better handle on how to develop unlikeable but compelling characters of their own.

One of the students wrote a violent story involving child molesters and murder which wasn't exactly a masterpiece but some readers said showed promise. Richman brought the story to her supervisor who suggested that the student read The Lovely Bones to get a better idea of how to present such material.

Even after UC's "no genre fiction/sensitive relationship stories only" approach to writing, it bothers me that this couldn't have been worked out between student and teacher. However it didn't end.

The university brought Richman before an "administrative committee" and asked to provide character references. Then they sent the story to the SFPD who bounced it around before sending Homicide Inspector Holly Pera to check up on the student. She later stated that "We have no evidence that it was anything other than a story," but the school expelled the writer anyway.

After the semester, Richman, apparently an adjunct without a contract, was out of work. More on the story.

From a Cincinnati POV, it's nice to see San Francisco as the censor champ but you have to wonder about the effect this could have on college creative writing classes. There's no need to encouragement them to crank out stuff even more bland.

I Nominate Covington with Nathan Singer as Vice-Pope

Technically the only three requirements to be pope are:

1. You are Catholic (and unless you've been excommunicated, as long as you were baptized Catholic, you're okay).

2. You have/had male reproductive organs. (I'm not familiar with the Vatican's views on sex changes. Could a male to female transgendered person still be pope? Or could a female to male? I suppose if you lost your organs in an accident, you'd still qualify but what if you did it intentionally?)

3. You are alive (possible exceptions from the state of Florida).

If you meet these requirements, click here.

People Who Should Be Sterilized

You like the new Star Wars movies. Strike one.

You stand in line for the new movies months in advance. Strike two.

You stand in line for the new movie months in advance in front of a theater not slated to show the new movie. Strike three.

Anderson High School

I taught the first classes of ENG 102 at Anderson High School this week. I was expecting a computer at every desk but it wasn't quite as fancy. From what I could see, classrooms have at least two computers. One of the rooms is set up to teach digital photography but the janitor was nearby when I discovered it and I couldn't sneak in to check it out.

The classroom I use has articles and a cartoon taped on the walls protesting the school's sports' name of "Redskins." Several posters in the halls referred to different teams as the "Gymskins" so it seems that the reluctance to change the name comes from the school board and alumni, not the students or staff.

The sports fields and equipment was more impressive than the academic material (but they might be more easily concealed). There was a media center that looked extensive from the outside but the opportunity to snoop didn't provide itself.

Unless we move, Anderson will be the high school my kids attend. Other than "Redskins," everything looks okay.

Latest Fashion and the Easter Bunny

Via the Museum of Hoaxes, when piercings aren't enough.

Also I talked about evaluating nonfiction for evidence of a bias in ENG 102 and a student thought this was biased against Christians. It's against the Easter bunny but he's not quite official in any denomination I know of.

Waiting

D-boy had a screaming jag last night, only settling down at the stroke of 6:00. His sister needed to go to the dentist because she split one of her teeth at daycare (she needs either a root canal and a stainless steel cap or an extraction). I brought D-boy, now operating at hyper-maximum mode to campus for a make-up test for two students. One showed up about five minutes late but was holding a baby so I'm sympathetic. The other still isn't here and this is the second time he's stood me up.

And he needs this class to graduate. Cue sinister music.

Editors of Maxim Die in Mysterious Accident

"We're from the government and we're here to help you."

Straight Dope on Mormons

Straight Dope answers the question "if the Mormon's claims hold water."

The tee-totalling thing is the real deal-killer for me but before we worry about if Smith translated or just wrote the Book of Mormon, shouldn't we go after the people who have beliefs that openly defy reality like creationists?

Nathan Alert

Did Homeland Security finally "liberate" Nathan? "Prayer for Dawn" [I'd link but unable] is down and I'm leaping to conclusions for lack of anything else to do.

Silver Hammer

Snopes on story that the Pope must be struck by a silver hammer to be declared officially dead. Is this where the Beetles got that song?

Bad Scene, Good Movie

The Onion's list of 15 worst scenes in good movies and best in bad.

I disagree with their first choice. The explanation scene is Psycho is more painful to watch than anything else in the movie but it's intentional. Instead of dimissing the madness, it dismisses the explanation, any explanation for such actions. (Also it satirizes the "this-is-why-the-bad-guy-did-it" dialogue found in every thriller from D.W. Griffith to Silence of the Lambs.

Irish Taliban

Remember the reports that Irish women were forced into convents if they were deemed likely to have sex without express written consent of their clergyman? It's worse than you heard via Straight Dope.

Although they didn't send anyone to Gitmo so Americans can't throw stones.

Kroger Incident

Last year, I remember posting a disturbing incident involving a romantic Kroger employee and a fish but I don't think I wrote anything about this. . . reason being I still think it could have been overblown and distorted.

Before the Forest Hills Kroger moved across the street as the flagship of the Anderson Towne Center, the deli department was in the shape of an "L" with unnecessary partitions and strangely angled walls (think the lair of Chthulu).

For a short while I had the lowest seniority and usually worked with the second-lowest employee, Erica. Later they hired a guy named Mike, bumping Erica and me marginally up the union ladder. Erica loved to cause trouble, such as asking elderly co-workers their favorite sexual positions and, while I got along with Mike, he vaguely reminded me of the Columbine killers.

One day when the deli was packed with customers, Erica began trash-talking (and yes, you can do this in front of the customers or even directly to the customers and only get "written up," a meaningless punishment with no consequences whatsoever). Mike was working on the slicer next to me and when Erica walked by, she said something that he took offense to.

I don't remember my exact order but it involved shaving lunchmeat (for those of you like the pre-Kroger me, "shaved meat" might sound dirty but it's simply cut extremely thin. It takes forever to do it and is difficult to judge how much it weighs. Extreme-bastards will reject two pounds of shaved meat and insist it be "more shaved than that.")

Apparently while I was shaving, Mike grabbed Erica around the neck and refused to let her go. They were close enough that I could have reached over and touched them but the way the deli was designed didn't give me a clear view so I just thought they were goofing around.

After a few minutes, Erica started yelling, broke loose, and went to the manager's office. Mike pretended it didn't happen. Other deli workers came out of the back and asked me what was going on. I looked dazed and said, "What?"

This happened in plain sight of at least 15 to 20 customers but none of them said or did anything. Eventually Erica's customer did get angry but only because she left the department without filling his order.

I got called up to the office and asked to write down what I saw. My account was much more vague than even what's above but apparently it matched Erica's story more than Mike's.

He was fired, from what I understand not because management believed he was guilty, but because Erica was already a union member and he was still probationary. I went back to being lowest deli worker until they hired a slew of new people for the new store.

I have no idea if Erica over-reacted or misjudged the situation. Many, many people brought up the point that I was standing right next to them, either implying that:
a. it wasn't serious; or
b. I was/am a moron.

Mike came back to the store a few times but didn't say anything to anyone in the department. For a while I was worried about seeing him approach in a trenchcoat but nothing happened.

Now Erica and I are on the top half of deli seniority. That was the last assault of any sort, and with the layout of the new store, anything like that would now be impossible to miss.

Pretty pointless compared to the fish story but that's the deli department for you.

Simpson Millionaire

Yesterday my wife clogged the toilet. My five-year old daughter had an accident getting out of the bathtub, spreading feces throughout the entire bathroom. My two-year old son had two solid waste diapers. I had to clean up after the dog outside and cleaned the cat's litterbox and two hamster cages. I was spared only by the goldfish.

Yet at this moment I feel happy. I just won $1,000,000 with Simpsons' trivia.

I Had Her In Class

Via Snopes, this sounds exactly like one of my old students who wanted President Clinton to raise the minimum wage in Mexico. I don't know what she would be doing in Orange County.

Bounty for the Tasmanian Tiger

Conventional science believes that the last Tasmanian Tiger (or thylacine) died September 7, 1936 but each year dozens of sightings are reported. Finally cash in on the line.

Cryptozoologists have special hopes for the thylacine (one of the crypto societies even adopted it as a mascot). As improbable as they might be, thylacines still seem more credible than Bigfoot or Nessie.

According to Robert Bakker in Dinosaur Heresies (I think--I don't have it in front of me), the thylacine was restricted to Tasmania because during the last Ice Age, sea levels dropped, connecting Tasmania and many other islands to the mainland. Various non-marsupial species, including humans, were able to make their way to Australia and take the place of native creatures. When Asian canines arrived in Australia, the thylacine couldn't compete. As fierce as they were, placental mammals outbred and replaced them. Fortunately for the thylacine, crossing the Australian desert isn't the easily thing in the world, so by the time the Asian dogs spread throughout the entire continent, the earth had warmed, making Tasmania an island once more. Had Tasmania been on the accessible northern side of Australia, instead of the southern, the thylacine (and the devil) would have gone extinct thousands of years ago.

The Asian canines evolved into the modern dingo, occasionally snatching a baby, but no longer such a genocidal threat. Thylacines thrived until European settlers wiped them out. Sadly, this wasn't the only species in Tasmania driven to extinction. Native humans were killed to the last man, woman, and child, giving Tasmanian settlers the distinction of being more genocidally effective than Hitler, Pol Pot, or Stalin. At least the devils are still with us.

Happy Easter/Birthday

My birthday fell on Easter this year but I still didn't get much of a payoff. My mom sent an ugly shirt and my wife gave me a DVD that cost $3.88. No candy at all.

I got my kids a ton of Easter candy but it's a far cry from when I turned 12.

The Negro Space Program

For years the accomplishments of the Negro Space Program were downplayed and ignored by the media. At long last, they're gaining recognition.

Everyone's a Cannibal

Since I started working in the Kroger deli, I've come to terms with the fact that anyone who eats meat from an animal he or she hasn't personally killed and cleaned, is eating a certain percentage of human flesh (this is also true of many vegetarian products which contain even more human hair and skin).

Here's a case of it going a little too far (via Snopes).

Recently there was a federal report that 80% of meat-workers cut themselves to some degree. That's like saying 80% of men masturbate. Virtually everyone who works with meat is cut on a regular basis. I cut myself twice last Sunday and since I started working at least four other workers were so badly injured that they went to the hospital. None of the injuries was reported to OSHA so it's as if they never happened.

This seems disgusting but considering some of the other additives that finds itself into food, human flesh is at least a good source of protein.

UPDATE: Tangent from Cecil Adams

Test Day

Literature classes are so much better than writing classes. Today we had the dreaded poetry test and I had a whole class of sitting happily, only answering the occasional odd question. With writing classes, there are no test days but twice the grading.

Democrats and the South

Here's an odd political posting for this blog but I've been thinking about this for a while.

Looking back at the Democratic candidates for president over the last century (and change) gives you this:

North South
2004 Kerry (Mass) L 2000 Gore (Tenn.) L (although I'm
not sure if Gore was considered a true Southerner)
1988 Dukasis (Mass) L 1996 Clinton (Ark.) W
1984 Mondale (Minn.) L 1992 Clinton (Ark) W
1972 McGovern (SD) L 1980 Carter (GA) L
1968 Humphreys (Minn) L 1976 Carter (GA) W
1960 JFK (Mass.) W/shot 1964 Johnson (TX) W
1956/1952 Stevenson L/L 1948 Truman (Missouri) W (is Missouri part of the South? It was a slave state until the end of the Civil War.)
1932-44 FDR (NY) 4W/died 1908/1900/1896 W.J.Bryan (FLA) L/L/L
1928 Smith (NY) L
1924 Davis (NY) L
1920 Cox (Cin.) L
1912/1916 Wilson (NJ) W/W (Wilson technically was a Yankee but was born in the South and was an open white supremacist.)
1904 Parker (NY) L
1892 Cleveland (NY) W (Last true Yankee who didn't die in the course of office.)

The last Northern Democrat to serve out his full terms of office was Woodrow Wilson who had strong Southern ties. Overall the South's record is 5-5 (going back to WJB--post-1908, it's 5-2). Overall the North's is 8-11 (half of which is from FDR). Since the Civil Rights era, the North is 0-5; the South is 4-2.

I've never heard the Democrats even mention this. I don't think a Southern candidate is necessary but it might be a consideration.

Liberal Bias

The Walk in Brain blog has posted a number of comments about liberal bias from university professors. Even though I try to have classes write about political and social issues, I think the only bias I give is from the deeply saddened point of view ("The president doesn't have the power to raise the minimum wage in Mexico" and "Murder is already against the law.")

I can only think of two times when I actually raised my voice about political issues. One was about animal rights which I think defies left or right status. A few students in class repeated PETA's claim that no medical advances have been made by animal experimentation. (Watch Penn and Teller's episode of Bullshit for a thorough refutation of this.) I brought up the point that the rabies vaccine was developed through animal (and human) experiments and has saved the lives of countless humans and animals (especially dogs).

They refused to believe it.

"You can argue that the advances made through animal experimentation don't justify it. You can argue that there are better ways to experiment now. You can argue that many experiments are pointless and needlessly cruel but you can't argue that no advances have been made whatsoever."

They denied it. They denied that Pasteur developed the rabies vaccine through experiments on animals AND that vaccinating dogs helped them.

I remember asking "Why do you think corporations pay millions of dollars for laboratories and to pay scientists if it never did any good? Because they care so much for the consumer?"

They stopped arguing so I'll never know for sure but I think they assumed the scientists were just being mean. This was back when "mean-spirited" was the catchphrase of the day.

The other time was about capital punishment. A group dogmatically stated that the death penalty was unconstitutional.

I pointed out that the Supreme Court ruled that the way states meted out death sentences was unconstitutional but that the ruling wasn't strictly against capital punishment itself.

None of them knew that the Supreme Court had ever struck down the death penalty but they still insisted that it was unconstitutional.

Finally I broke down and said louder than I should have that capital punishment is directly addressed in the Constitution (the Fifth Amendment to be exact) and so while it could be wrong, unfair, or immoral, it wasn't unconstitutional.

Again, I didn't change anyone's mind, just scared them into being quiet. It didn't occur to me until much later that the students thought "unconstitutional" was just another word for "mean" or "unfair." They didn't see a connection between the word and the actual Constitution at all. If I would have seen that then, I might have made myself clear.

These weren't the dumbest reactions from students (only one in about 35 students has even a foggy idea of what cloning is--many, possibly most, students think that clones have all the memories of the original organism and instantly age to become duplicates of the original).

I'm sure the students thought I was unfair and biased (although in both cases, it's more of a conservative bias than liberal). I have to wonder how much "liberal bias" is from comments like "Maybe the Trail of Tears wasn't the best decision the U.S. ever made" being interpreted as "I am a communist and hate America."

Stranded

I made a trip to NKU for a make-up test for a student. Turned out he didn't show. This is the last week I have daycare for devilboy (appropriately his expulsion isn't official until this Friday).

Starting wages at the Kroger deli pays more than teaching part-time (plus health insurance and employee discounts).

Hamster Update

The baby hamsters are now living in three separate cages. They're starting to fight so we'll need to find homes for at least half of them.

When I took them from their mother, she was no longer tolerating them. She climbed up into her loop tube (if you've ever seen the tubing for hamsters and gerbils, it's a circular tube leading from the top of the cage) to get away from them. The babies were too small to climb up so she would pack her cheeks with food and camp at the highest point, only coming down for provisions. She seems much happier to have the cage to herself.

Initially I put the babies in two different cages, putting the first four I could catch in a ten-gallon aquarium and the two quicker ones together in a smaller wire cage. Later when I bought a new cage, I split the group of four into two pairs.

By luck, it turned out the the two in the wire cage were both male and the rest female. I hope that I caught them in time so that we don't have to worry about a new generation.

IHOP over McDonalds

Normally the kids whine for McDonalds so much that we take them once a week. Last night we went to IHOP instead which was much more expensive but I guess worth it, considering this (via Hoax Museum).

KPA

I found all the material from KPA in my mailbox at NKU. According to the schedule, I was supposed to go on Friday March 5. I'm sure that was a typo (the next day listed is Saturday March 5) but with an obvious schedule screw-up, I don't feel quite as bad. I was supposed to go with Jim Chambliss of U of Louisville ("Sparks of Creativity: The Influence of Epilepsy in Writing and Art") and Becky Lee Meadows, also of U of L ("Manic Depression, Childhood Bereavement, and the Return of the Dead in Edgar Allan Poe's Works").

My paper was about development of children's ability to recognize gender in language and doesn't really fit the others (or anything else at the conference). They had me scheduled for 9:00 a.m., the first time slot, so I doubt if I had much of an audience.

I could probably put this down on my vida and no one would know but I don't think I'm that desperate yet.

Keeps on Going

Apparently it wasn't the end. The case went to court on March 11 and the prosecutor filed for a continuance until April 20 (Hitler's birthday and the anniversary of Columbine).

I get this information from my wife and she must have got something jumbled because she said that he was offered a plea bargain down to a fifth degree felony with no jail time and mandatory registration as a sex offender for two years. According to the Ohio Revised Code, only Importuning even comes close to those penalties and I don't think Importuning remotely fits the charges.

My niece is living with one of her mother's friends (which may not be good but at least is better than staying home). I hope, no matter the outcome of the trial, that she doesn't move back.

Now I don't know what to think. My wife gets most of this from her mother and some of it seems very distorted. At least this keeps whittling down the days until my niece's 18th birthday.

Waiting

I'm supposed to be in room 256 as I write this. I've been waiting for students to turn in final papers since 5:00. I've got two of them that I'm holding out hope but another 15 minutes or so and I'm out the door.

For about a minute yesterday, I thought I would be able to start taking classes again to finish my doctorate. Today it looks like my son is getting kicked out of daycare so that doesn't look like it's going to happen.

It just took the better part of ten minutes to move into "create a new post" mode. NKU's computers are about 40 times faster than Clermont's.

NKU

Last Friday I was supposed to give a paper at KPA (Kentucky Philological Association) but missed it entirely. Those of you who know Andy Miller know that he was a big part of the convention and I feel terrible for letting him down. Everything I've come in contact with lately has fallen to pieces. NKU's spring break is this week so I'll have more of a chance to get organized and get things back in order.

UC Over

Just finished my last class at UC. For the first time in my life, I didn't ask for feedback at the end. That was one of my least favorite classes of my life.

The End

It looks like my sister-in-law won. She's having my niece medicated for nightmares, claiming that she imagines people were grabbing her in her sleep. She couldn't do this unless my niece goes along with it to some degree. No one knows what is going on--neither my wife or mother-in-law have can get through to talk to her anymore.

I'm virtually positive that she won't testify. From hearing stories from 241-KIDS, parents can get away with more than you would ever imagine but I can't see what they could do to make her go back to living in the same house as him. It's 579 days until she turns 18 but now I don't know if she'll do anything even then.

This Wednesday I paid for the book she checked out from the library when she was with us. I doubt if she still has it--her mom restricts what she watches and reads.

I've been expecting something like this so I don't feel as mad as I should. The whole idea of him getting away with it.

Part this happened because my mother-in-law had more health problems. It looked like she had a growth on her liver but now it might not be cancerous. Part of it was that we didn't pursue it hard enough. I didn't think we'd have to resort to so much. I still don't understand this. If my niece made one phone call (and she and her much younger sisters and brother are often left unattended), it would be over in her favor. If she talked to one of her teachers or even a neighbor, it would be over. I still don't see how she felt like she did just a few weeks ago into this. Potentially everything could turn out well but I don't think it will happen. Maybe she'll change again but this is like something out of Orwell.

I should feel worse but maybe it hasn't sunk in completely. It still seems like a lead-in to a bad joke. My class went fine today, at least from my prospective.

Faulkner Not So Bad?

The guy who objected to "A Rose for Emily" turned in a luke-warm positive response about it. I'd rather someone honestly write "I hated the damn thing" and tell me why than tell me what they think I'd like to hear.

13%

Despite the Southern linguistic influence found in Cincinnati, I scored a 13% on the Are You a Yankee or a Rebel speech test.

And I say "pop" instead of "soda." (As I tell my wife uses East Coast expressions, "Soda involves ice cream.")

UC Nearly Over

It's about midterm at NKU but I've only got one more class to go with Tuesday night 103 (two more with Thursday 103 and three more with 101).

The final paper is on comedy and I showed video clips from different movies to illustrate various concepts and ended with my Oscar-worthy performance in Evil Ambitions. Didn't have the guts to show Live, Nude Shakespeare.

Please Be Fake

German artist wants to build a "corpse factory" in Poland.

Here's a list of wacky art projects, all listed as real, but I hope at least a few were hoaxes:

Artist Catherine Gregory exhibited in Scarborough in 1992, a dog that had been chopped into nine pieces, 63 smashed mice, and three dismembered rabbits

Artist Hermann Nitsch displayed a dead bull and 11 dead sheep in 1975.

Danish artist in 1994, Christian Lemmerz displayed six rotting pigs in glass cases. Shut down when it was too much for the building's ventilator.

"One is always considered mad when one perfects something that others cannot grasp." Ed Woods.

Slapstick

I can't imagine anyone else would be worked up over this but I just finished a class about comedy in literature and mentioned the origin of the word slapstick.

Oh, right. I didn't think you'd care.

Lame Updates

Good news: My mother-in-law's tumor is benign. Apparently medical practice in Clinton County operates differently than anywhere else on the planet but her situation is at the very least looking up.

Good news: The baby hamsters are doing well. They're eating solid food along with milk. Their eyes are just about ready to open.

Depressing news: My sister-in-law has isolated herself and my niece. She still has a library book that she checked out when she was here (Clinton County's library offers a wide variety of Left Behind and Harry Potter is the Anti-Christ books). She's not talking to Children's Services and seems like she's going along with her mother. The court case is in a few weeks but I'm starting to doubt if she'll testify. I still think that things will work out but I think that if she wanted a change of custody, she could have made it happen already by cooperating.

Hey Kids--Arnie Sez Roids Are Cool

If Tommy Chong says it, he's a deviant. If Arnie says it, . . .

Ancient Animals

A couple of articles about fossils got my interest. First is one about ancient crocodiles. Whoops, another gap in the fossil falls. More croc news.
Bear-dog discovered (oops, another gap). I remember a book I had when I was in second grade that mentioned bear-dogs as theoretical links between dogs and bears but I must have taken this long to find them. More of the same.

The oldest bunny and sea turtles.

Here's an older one: blasphemy, blasphemy!

I should have put this in my links--Dinobase.

This is unrelated but sad--panda hunts.

[Bad Pun Deleted]

I posted something about this before but I wasn't sure if it was true. However, another woman comes forward in gorilla harassment case.

My Lame Life

Remember the student who was offended by "A Rose for Emily"? For the last assignment, he wrote a paper on a Christian rock band. The paper was pretty good but he misidentified the Star of Bethlehem with the North Star. I wrote a note about it in the margin and he questioned me after class. Just when I was expecting a fight, he realized I was right and was apologetic and considerate. (Usually when students realize they're wrong, they get really nasty.)

Then I had two students, one in a local Fire Department, the other in the Army write papers about Ward Churchill. Both defended him farther than I would have.

I guess it shows the good and tolerance in the world but it makes for a boring blog.

The baby hamsters are just about big enough for their eyes to open. That's about the extent of things.

Rock Legends

Technically these are myths (according to folklore lingo) but it's still a fun article.

Via Museum of Hoaxes.

Intersexual

Remember the story of my old love interest Katy/Kevin? This might have helped.

No, on second thought, no it wouldn't have.

Supreme Court on Dildos

"Aren't sheep good enough for you, boy?"

Oddballs

Here's a number of tidbits from Karl Shaw's The Mammoth Book of Oddballs and Eccentrics.

In 1991, the Orthodox rabbis of B'nei B'rak, Israel, banned the sale of hot pizza in fear that while waiting for it to cook, boys and girls "might look at each other, which is an offense against modesty, or, God forbid, even touch each other." Cold pizza remained permissible.

The Cathar heretics of the 11th century whipped themselves with steel-tipped whips and allowed sodomy because it did not result in procreation (they forbid regular sex). They did not eat meat because meat was the result of animals having sex but allowed fish because they believed fish were born without sex. (I've read many positive portrayals of the Cathars but this is the first I've heard of this.) This was radically different than the motives for the proper Church from banning meat on Fridays--even most Vatican sources admit that the practice was influenced by the fishing industry.

"Driving alternatingly at high and low rates of speed; stopping at every filling station on the highway, walking around the car, always looking, then going on; entering a dark street in a residential area at night, making a sharp U-turn, pulling into a side alley and extinguishing the car's lights; entering a heavily travelled intersection on a yellow light, hoping to lose any followers or cause an accident." J. Edgar Hoover (1895-1972), explaining how to recognize a Communist.

The Waltham Black Act gave England the most capital crimes of any nation of the 19th century--in 1803, a 13-year old boy was hung for stealing a spoon. Capital offenses included "associating with gypsies," "appearing on a highway with a sooty face," "cutting down a tree," "damaging a fish-pond," and "writing on Westminster bridge."

Edward Bodkin, a 56-year old resident of Huntington, Indiana, was arrested for castrating men in 1999, saving the testes in pickle jars. When asked to speculate on a motive, state prosecutor John Branham said, "I can't sit here as a reasonable human being and give you an intelligent answer to that."

Sir Thomas Urquhart (1611-1660) developed a universal language while imprisoned in the Tower of London. Verbs had four voices, seven moods, and eleven tenses; nouns and pronouns had eleven cases, four numbers, and eleven genders.

Francine Wickerman spent 30 years in a bomb shelter in North Dakota after her husband convinced her that WWIII destroyed the world.

New Links

I have a list of links that I've been meaning to put up for the last few months. Once again I forgot to bring it in tonight but I depended on memory. . . which means I probably screwed it up.

Iron Hymen

Via Hoax Museum, the latest in promotion of abstinence.

Constantine

I hate to admit it but I really don't want to grade papers right now.

For a long time it seemed that Roger Ebert was going mellow in his old age, giving fuzzy reviews to even the worst of movies. He redeems himself with this one.

He raises a good point about Catholics and demons. Even in movies that seem against the church (like Stigmata), you never see supernatural forces giving a damn about Methodists, Mormons, or Unitarians. I'm surprised that the nuts who think that Jews control the media don't have theories about the Vatican sneaking messages into horror movies.

Update: Here's a list of cartoon laws from Ebert's review of The Son of the Mask. He's out for blood today.

Udate II: If Michael Medved and Rush have already ruined the ending of Million Dollar Baby for you, here's Ebert's response.

Does Pro-Life End at Parasitic Head?

I should be grading papers but I saw this and couldn't help myself.

A baby was born with a second head and doctors decided to remove it. Should we consider the second head as an individual? Is it morally right to lop it off? Unlike a fetus/unborn child/any-other-term-you'd-like-to-use, the head had apparently been gathering information for ten months and lived within an interactive environment.

Former General Surgeon C. Everett Koop, while conservative in most areas, favored separating conjoined twins even if it meant a high chance of killing both of them. As Koop put it "I am willing to take any reasonable risk to separate Siamese twins because of the grotesque future they face."

Classic bio-ethics (of Aristotle and Augustine) believed that conjoined twins with two heads represented two individuals. Stephen J. Gould even wrote an essay about them. I'm not a parasitic head advocate but I would consider it to be a greater ethical dilemma than traditional abortion. It seems if Michael Medved is screaming at Clint Eastwood for making Million Dollar Baby, he'd at least comment on this.

I did find this commentary about conjoined twins and Jewish law that at least dealt with the issue.

And, good lord, look what else came up. I guess I could find two sides to this but I'd better get back to the papers.

Exam Over

The last student just left. Only one of them went with the fill-in-the-blanks option so it looks like I'll have to start on the essay questions.

Laws of Florida

I was looking around www.findlaw.com to check up on statements about different state laws. I recently read a book that dogmatically stated that all sex except the missionary style is outlawed in Florida. Like most "dumb laws," that seems to be a joke but here are a few that are still on the books (which does not mean they are still enforced):

Apparently the Common Law of England is in effect in Florida (although it was a Spanish colony).

No commies, Nazis, or Fascists in the Sunshine State.

No need for comment on this.

I doubt if this is enforced (at least around college towns).

Uh, could we get some definition here? (Is this where the missionary position law comes from?)

Although this is nice.

The Lottery

I'm posting this while my ENG 200 class is taking their fiction exam. One of the students asked me if the lottery itself in Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery" could be considered a character.

I told her "not in the traditional sense but it does have aspects of a character."

Now I'm wondering. Could the lottery be considered a character? It does act as an antagonist but seeing the lottery itself as the antagonist would let the individuals in the mob off the hook. (I would be willing to see the mob as a character.)

The Latest Twist

My wife is starting her new job tomorrow. We're getting a big tax refund. The hamster hasn't eaten any of her babies.

Those of you who know outside the blogosphere know that my mom and my mother-in-law developed breast cancer about the same time (very bad news for my daughter). Initially it looked much worse for my mom but she's survived with no remaining problems. My mother-in-law has had one health problem after another, possibly due to the fact that she kept smoking several packs a day during treatment. If anybody wondered why I made such bitchy comments about smoking bans a few weeks ago, this was a contributing factor.

Today, one of her tests came up positive for cancer. It might be a false positive but she's been consistently unlucky with her medical history so far.

The only good possibility of this is that it might prod my sister-in-law into giving up custody of my niece. On the other hand, it might make matters even worse there as well.

I won't lie and say I didn't see this coming. Watching a cancer survivor chain-smoke is like seeing a slow-motion suicide. God knows I have an unhealthy life style but if I had a heart attack, I'd at least try to cut back on fatty foods. I wouldn't insult someone for suggesting I eat a healthier diet.

More as it comes but it looks like the next few weeks could get very ugly.

Killing Machine

I drove to class on Saturday a few minutes early and found a good parking space but as I began to watch to my office I realized that I'd left half of my papers at home.

I hurried home, grabbed the papers, and tried to make it back to campus on time. On 275, a little before the New Richmond exit, a deer jumped onto the highway. I swerved and slammed into the other deer following it.

I'd never hit a deer before and pulled off the road. My license plate was bent but nothing else seemed wrong. The deer didn't suffer long. I saw it sliding on the asphalt after the impact and its neck was flopping like Tim Krumrie's leg during the Bengals' last Superbowl appearance.

Years ago I hit a raccoon in a similar situation (swerved to miss one and hit the other) but never anything this big. Looking back, I should have called the police but I wasn't thinking straight (the deer slid off the side of the road).

If I hadn't forgotten the papers, it never would have happened. I suppose it could be worse (or even worse than that) but it did spoil the weekend.

Extreme Weather

Here's some stats from Christopher C. Burt's Extreme Weather: A Guide and Record Book.


Hottest Major U.S. Cities (1970-2000 average)

Key West, FL 78.0
Honolulu, HI 77.5
Miami, FL 76.6
Ft. Lauderdale 75.7
West Palm Beach, FL 75.3
Ft. Myers, FL 74.9
Yuma, AZ 74.6
Hilo, HI 74.1
St. Petersburg, FL 74.1
Brownsville, TX 74.0
Phoenix, AZ 73.9
Palm Springs, CA 73.8
Laredo, TX 73.7
Orlando, FL 72.7
Corpus Christi, TX 72.1


Hottest Major U.S. Cities (Average Max. July Temp., 1970-2000)

Palm Springs, CA 108.3
Yuma, AZ 107.0 (hit 124 in July 1995)
Phoenix, AZ 106.0
Las Vegas, NV 104.1
Tuscon, AZ 101.0
Presidio, TX 100.6
Laredo, TX 100.5
Redding, CA 99.5
Bakersfield, CA 98.2
Fresno, CA 98.1
Wichita Falls, TX 97.6
Waco, TX 96.7
Dallas-Ft. Worth, TX 96.3
Del Rio, TX 96.2
El Paso, TX 95.5

(Key West, while the hottest overall with average temperature, only hit 100 once in 120 years, in August of 1886)


Death Valley hit 134 in July 10, 1913; hit 129 in July of 1960 and 1998


Fairfield is warmest location in Ohio (based on average daily July temperature) at 88.1
Gilbertsville Dam is Kentucky's at 93.6 and Evansville is Indiana's at 90.5


Highest temperature recorded in Ohio was 113 in Gallipolis on July 21, 1934
Kentucky: 114 at Greensburg on July 28, 1930; Indiana's 116 at Collegeville on July 14, 1936
North Dakota: 121 at Steele on July 6, 1936 and South Dakota was 120 in Gannvalley the day before
Alaska: 100 at Ft. Yukon on June 27, 1915
Florida:109 in Monticello on June 29, 1931


The heat wave of 1936 was the worst in U.S. history with 15 states hitting record-breaking temperatures (although the heat wave that is thought to have destroyed the Anasazi Indians in the 13th century was even worse).


Least range of temperature between minimum and maximum temperature

Farallon Island, CA - 43 degrees (coldest recorded temp. 38 - hottest recorded temp. 81)
Honolulu, HI - 43 (52-95)
Point Piedras Blancas, CA - 56 (29-85)
Key West, FL - 59 (41-100)


Al Aziziyah, Libya 136 and Tindouf, Algeria are the only two places with higher recorded temperatures than Death Valley


Hottest By Continent

Africa: Al Aziziyah, Libya 136
North America: Death Valley ,134 (Mexico's hottest was 120)
Asia: Tirat Tsvi, Israel, 129
Australia: Cloncurry, 128
Europe: Riodades, Portugal, 123
South America: Villa de Maria, Argentina, 120.4
Antartica: Vanda Station, 58.3
South Pole: 7.5
North Pole: 39

Greatest range of temperature in American cities

Fort Yukon, AK: 178 degrees(coldest -78 - hottest 100)
Medicine Lake, MT: 175 (-58 - 117)


15 Coldest Cities in U.S. (average temperatures 1970-2000)

Fairbanks, AK 26.7
Anchorage, AK 36.2
International Falls, MN 37.4
Duluth, MN 39.1
Caribou, ME 39.2
Butte, MT 39.5
Sault. Ste. Marie, MI 40.1
Grand Forks, ND 40.3
Alamosa, CO 40.8
Williston, ND 40.9
Juneau, AK 41.5
Fargo, ND 41.5
St. Cloud, MN 41.8
Bismarck, ND 42.3
Kalispell, MT 42.6

15 Coldest Cities (Average January Min. Temp., 1970-2000)

Fairbanks, AK -19.0
International Falls, MN -8.4
Grand Forks, ND -4.3
Alamosa, CO -3.7
Williston, ND -3.3
Fargo, ND -2.3
St. Cloud, MN -1.2
Duluth, MN -1.2
Bismarck, ND -0.6
Caribou, ME -0.3
Aberdeen, SD 0.6
Eau Claire, WI 2.5
Huron, SD 3.5
Wausau, WI 3.6
Rochester, MN 3.7

Ohio's coldest place (average of daily Min. Jan. Temps.) is Paulding (around Toledo) at 13.9
Kentucky's is Ashland at 19; Indiana is Lowell at 12.1; California's is Bodie at 5.8
Florida's is De Funiak Springs, at 36.7 and Hawaii is Mauna Loa at 33.7 (actually it's the average February temperature)

Coldest recorded place

Ohio - Milligan at -39 in February 10, 1899
Kentucky - Shelbyville at -37 on January 19, 1994; Indiana - New Whitehead at -36 on the same day
Alaska - Prospect Creek Camp at -80 on January 23, 1971

Coldest recorded temperature in World

Antarctica, Vostok: -128.6
Asia, Verkhoyansk, Russia: -90 (Coldest recorded in Singapore is 66)
North America: Snag, Yukon, Canada -81.4 (Mexico's was 5 at Chihuahua
Europe: Ust'Shchugor -67
South America: Pato Superior Valley, Argentina -38 (Panama's was 63)
Africa: Ifrane, Morocco -11 (Djibouti's was 61)
Australia: Charlotte Pass -9.4


Worst cold wave in U.S. history was February 1899 (temperatures were below zero in every state in the Union), three inches of snow fell on New Orleans. Incidentally that same year the lowest number of beads exchanged hands than any year on record.


Wettest and Driest

Ohio - Middlebourne 30.44 and Cincinnati Fernbank 47.54
Kentucky - Wheelersburg 38.28 and Closplint 58.92
Indiana - Monroeville 33.74 and English 49.72
California - Cow Creek 1.60 and Honeydew 104.18
Florida - Key West 38.94 and Milton Experiment St. 69.48
Hawaii - Waikoloa Beach Resort - 6.81 and Mt. Waialeale, Kauai 460.00

Most at risk major cities to tornadoes

1.Oklahoma City
2.Dallas-Ft. Worth
3.Lubbock
4.Kansas City, MI
5.Indianapolis
6.St. Louis
7.Jackson, Mississippi/Birmingham, Alabama
8.Little Rock
9.Omaha
10.Chicago (although never hit directly by a major tornado)

Most at risk for Hurricanes

(15%-16% of a hurricane with 125 mph winds per year)
1.Key West to Palm Beach, Florida
2.Galveston, TX to Louisiana border
(13-14%)
3.Mississipi Delta of Louiisana to Walton Beach, Florida
4.Outer banks of N.C. south of Nags Head (11-12%)


Cincinnati's hottest temperature was 109 (July 21,1934) and coldest -25 (January 19, 1977) the coldest month was January 1977 (12.0) and warmest month was July 1901 (82.5) but hottest summer was 1932 (78.8); 20.0 inches of snow from 1-14-1863 to 1-15; 31.5 of January 1978, 53.9 of winter of 77-78,

More here

Work History

A few thousand years ago, Hegmo (I think) posted a bit about work history. I've done a lot of odd jobs but only listed the legal and taxable here.

Coney Island: 1984-85—Ran miniature golf, pedal boats, kiddie rides, and games; occasionally working in the parking lot, gift store, and food stand; 86-87—Lifeguard for waterslides and pool.

Cincinnati Recreation Commission: 1986-89—Lifeguard for Mt. Washington and Oakley pools and afterschool daycare for Mt. Washington and Oakley centers.

Cincinnati Zoo: 1990—Sold memberships for the summer. Horrible pay but free admission to the zoo.

Cincinnati Public Schools: 1991-92—Substitute teacher for Walnut Hills and Aiken. Easiest money ever, by just showing Driver Ed movies all day.

Snelling Personnel - Matrix Marketing: 1992—Gave 35 minute long ice cream surveys for a few weeks.

Snelling Personnel - RDI Marketing: 1992—Hospital surveys for about a week.

ManPower - Totes: 1992—Summer-long sock assembly line.

Clifton Magazine: 1992—Wrote profile article about public access television.

Re:Visions: 1992—Co-editor of a collection of essays used as text for Freshman English courses; made royalties on next year's edition.

University of Cincinnati, Arts and Science: 1992—First college class, back when Eng 101 was still called Freshman English.

ManPower - New Creative Enterprises: 1993—Worked in the returns section of a warehouse carrying novelty items. Mainly repackaged broken bird baths to send back to manufacturer. Stayed three weeks before getting job at Arnolds.

Arnold Printing: 1993—Worked printing presses. Left after the summer for NKU.

Northern Kentucky University: 1993-94; 2000-05—Taught Freshman Composition/College Writing (10 classes) , Intro. to Lit. (7), and Advanced College Writing (2).

University of Cincinnati University College: 1994—Two courses of Freshman English.

Snelling Personnel - Assistance in Marketing: 1994—Had to drive girlfriend to and from this job so started working there to save trips.

Snelling Personnel - Direct Marketing Research: 1994—Second girlfriend job. This one surveyed Dallas businesses. Stayed a few weeks on both places.

American Legal Publishing: 1994-02—Edited municipal codes for clients in 22 states. I'll probably do a post about this soon.

Coyotes Country: 1996—Videographed country line-dancing for Channel 5. Heard "Macarena" for the first time. Paid under the table so I probably shouldn't include it on the legit list.

University of Cincinnati, Raymond Walters College (1997-98): English 101, 102, and 103.

Southern Ohio College: 2003—Taught College Writing and Intro. to Lit. Pay was only about half of NKU's rate but classes only last four weeks.

Kroger: 2004-5—Slicing deli meat and cheese.

University of Cincinnati, Clermont College: 2004-5—Fourth UC college. Last quarter two Eng. 102. Currently two 103 and one 101. Next quarter two Eng. 102 again but at Anderson High School.

Hamster Explosion

I guess I made a mistake in letting my daughter pick out the hamster she wanted.

Today I looked in its cage and thought it was swarming with giant maggots. Apparently, Pikachu is female.

It takes about three weeks before the babies develop (right now they're hairless and their eyes haven't opened) but apparently it's common for young hamsters to eat their entire litter.

We haven't told my daughter until the babies are too big for a quick meal.

More on Churchill

One of the assignments for English 101 is to analyze a faulty argument. Most students are finding wackos on the Internet but at least one picked Churchill (I was going to include a link but I can't imagine anyone not already knowing about it).

I've known professors to take moronic positions all over the political spectrum and beyond. At NKU I shared an office with a part-time English instructor who used P.J.O'Rourke as a text book without realizing that O'Rourke was intentionally trying to be funny (this same guy sent a resume to the legal publishing company where I worked, bragging about how he headed various Star Trek and Quantum Leap fan clubs).

At UC, the former head of Freshman English taught that Catholics were racist because there are no black saints. (If your theology extends only to Madonna videos, you know that's not true).

But mainly the nutjobs weren't even remotely political. One of my English professors marked down my grade because I wrote a paper about Elizabethan belief in witchcraft. He was convinced that all Englishmen of the 16th century dismissed witches as superstition.

I doubt if professors have crazier ideas than the population at large or even talk about their beliefs at work more than other professions but nobody cares if a librarian or a truck driver spouts off about politics during the work day (at least Pete Bronson doesn't). On the one hand I can see the need to allow academic freedom but I'm still stinging about "even lower-class Englishmen would have chuckled at the idea of a witch."

Now I tell all my students that not only are witches real but unless you wrap your head in tin foil, they can read your thoughts.

I've shown him.

General Stuff

Just finished Lit. class at NKU. We had a discussion of "A Rose for Emily," and with a student from Nigeria and one from South Africa, nobody was as offended as the feller from Clermont.

Got my daughter a hamster for her birthday. Two days later, my son pulled a ten-gallon aquarium off a dresser and shattered it. Fortunately it wasn't full (he'd killed the fish a few months back) but if he'd done it before her birthday, I wouldn't have risked a small pet.

My wife finally got Unemployment approved. She had a positive interview on Wednesday so she might have a new job before we get the first check.

We're trying to get my niece to spend a night a week away from the hell hole. Not much developing but every day is a step closer to freedom.

Arthur Butz

There's a big fuss over liberal professors--even a bill to outlaw unpopular points of view. Throughout the recent debates, I haven't heard Arthur Butz mentioned.

With no training in history, Butz wrote The Hoax of the Century, one of the first and most influential books denying the Holocaust, yet kept his position as professor of engineering at Northwestern University. (Amazon.com gives it three stars.) Recently (the article I found is from 1997), he used the university's server to publish revisionist web pages. Again, despite criticism, he gets off scot-free.

You'd think that a network claiming to be fair and balanced would at least mention Butz. It took me about three seconds on a google search to dig up the dope on him. They've got to have at least an intern who can type.

Boring Class

The guy who was offended by "A Rose for Emily" and "Sonny's Blues" left early but talked to me about it during break. He was polite and joined in class activities so I guess I can't have justify any hard feelings. I'm still going to talk about the difference in swearing between Catholic and Protestant countries.

I know a professor at Northern who had a student storm out for showing a clip of Disney's Aladdin, which she thought was clearly Satanic. After he explained to her that virtually every example of literature from any class at the university would offend her in some way, she went to the dean and wanted an exemption from lit. classes. I would have liked to talk to her about swearing.

Yes, Hamlet is Very Long

I showed the Laurence Olivier version of Hamlet in class tonight (now I have about ten minutes of Internet time). The classroom only has a 20-something inch television and the seats are less than comfortable. I'd forgot the usage of "whoreson" in Act IV. I'm wondering if the student on Tuesday will catch it.